In the New Kadampa Tradition, we perform a practice called Offering to the Spiritual Guide on the 10th and 25th day of each month. Typically practitioners meet to recite chanted prayers and bring food and flower offerings to our Spiritual Guide. This verse is my offering.
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Sometimes I feel
I was built to handle anything
limitless potential
powerful, strong
Other times, too sensitive
to get along
difficult to get by
or even make do
I don’t want for much
and yet there’s never enough
and the disappointment’s strong
Am I made up of feeling,
mistaken discrimination?
Why can I never make contact
when I try & touch
another, soft skin
— lost
gone by the time I’m there
it’s only air
and though it’s space I crave,
it’s a high cost
tears, sorrow
yet goodbye to rage
I’ve freed myself from anger’s cage
yet sadness remains here
all the same
delusions wrong,
familiar, strong
I beg them leave
please do not stay!
I see a face
familiar shape,
I know that walk
I’ve seen that gait
I recognize that stride
he takes his time
if he has rhythm,
I have his rhyme
and false reason
keeps us apart —
though why should we meet
when every greeting
ends the same way
goodbye, depart until
some other day
So though I want to beg & cry
& sit & pretend I don’t know why
this pain, though here, won’t stay
it’s mere causes created
now ripened seeds
appearing here as suffering
yearning great as I’ve felt before
wishing there was something more
while this vision reveals all
it’s just my mind
it’s not out there,
though it’s appearing
everywhere
I can write it down
I can share some words
& still the truth remains unheard
for causes we don’t create
to sit still , think , concentrate
on something more virtuous than hate
why can’t we learn to meditate
on happiness & love?
How is that too hard (as I’ve heard
whiners complain)
& my heart breaks
So sensitive, so still
so patiently I work, I wait
as effortful seeds
I do create
and generously dedicate
for others’ joy
& may hearts heal
anvil strong
unbreakable & vajra-like
until
Enlightenment.
The Halfwit Writer 