Conception Statement – The Halfwit Writer

Out of my League | WR Issue 6

Looking for a way to judge if your crush is worth upgrading? Looking for a way to analytically rule your heart with your mind? No?

I’m here to help anyway!

Throwback to one of my favourite shows, The League – good ol’ programming just not fit for today’s climate. (If you don’t know the show, look it up for reference):

In episode two of season four, Pete introduces his fantasy football draft “system” – then he explains how it applies to women too. Giving them plus or minuses for different attributes (ex. beauty +2; gets up early, big -1; already taken -2) to help him decide if he needs to …pick up a different player from the waiver wire.

When Pete finds out his old friend Sutton becomes single – ergo on the waiver wire – he decides to try and pick her up. She certainly has the attributes he’s looking for. Little does he know, Sutton has a system of her own – and Pete is running against Taco. Check out the episode. It’s great.

Inspired by this clearly flawless logic, I decided to make my own version of Pete’s system by designing the Ideal Lover Scoresheet – and then I decided to make it available to you! (If for a laugh 😉 )

Of course, this is an example scoresheet. Yours may look much, much different. For example, on mine I’ve added “likes Lord of the Rings” in the “Nice-to-Have” category (+2).

What are your must haves? Deal breakers? Share below!

Snowflake Project

12.11.20 – Conception Statement

I have an idea for a new poetry collection: The Special Snowflake Project

It’s kind of supposed to sound stupid. That’s the trickery of millennialism. How can you value anything the same when you’re about to die? Though so are we – we have not the same awareness of death nor the self-grasping. Although we’ll get there without help.

Really, I see this project as an illustration of dependent relationships. That’s why I’ll describe how the project came to be.

Nothing exists from it’s own side.

I’ll drop you in the middle then.

Language was created, and we desired communication. We desired written communication. Written word was developed. It evolved. We moved from letters to books. Oral tales no longer enough. Writers inspired authors. Authors inspired Marian Keyes. She was moved to write a specific book that caught my specific eye when I was browsing in Chapters (Coles?) at the Conestoga Mall, a little heart broken, healing, day-dreaming, therapy-shopping, and I purchased The Brightest Star in the Sky. This book sat on several different shelves over 10 years, as I moved from place to place. Finally I put it up for yard sale, and it was still left untouched.

So I decided to carve it into pieces. Festive 2020 decorations made of the books I’ll never read, I think. Yet, after I punch the pages into new shapes (snowflakes), a strange desire to read them does arise in me. I use a sharpie (which also has a long history tied to communication we won’t go into now…) to block out words I don’t need, and I recycle inspired work into inspired work. Creative writing dependent on a long chain of personal and worldly apparently material but in fact entirely mind-made events.

This project is designed specifically to engage an awakening audience.

Glad you could join me.

Final Note: There is nothing wrong with recognizing yourself as a special snowflake. What could be more true? In this form, you are completely individual (with your own karmic path), yet eventually you will melt and return once more to ethereal connectedness with all other water droplets. Your true nature. Separateness was always an illusion. But you’re special nonetheless.