Category: Poetry

Categories
Dreams Poetry

On Being a Writer (this time)

I have entered the dream world
          it is dark
                  madness ensues
      I’ve come unglued
monsters lurk and
      a peculiar quirk
has taken hold of me
      reality      not what it seems

I have entered the dream state
           it passes over my waking eyes
a film, betraying a wild guise
      a darkness taking over me
absent     absent is the light
      in a nightmare world
full of haunting fright
         how could it feel so right!

I have entered the dream
  I see its walls surrounding me
seemingly limitless,
      yet I cannot run further
than my limitations
      in a meat puppet state
I cannot wait any longer
      to start becoming stronger
I must lucid make
            my dull dreaming mind
I cannot afford to become unkind
                             — not now! —
and forget …

I must remember the dream
             has taken hold of me
it’s pulled me in and under
and threatens to rip asunder
                        all that I’ve worked for
all that my continuum has worked for
                  to lose all I have and more
           futures of past work
            I cannot be the jerk
that throws it all away
and yet,
            I cannot be the one to stay

I must wake up!

Still, I have been pulled under
         I have metamorphosed as a cicada
to scratch my way to the surface,
      crawling above ground
            to birth such sound
and to shed such skin and skeleton
     like the selfless king
               abandons his crown!
while in samsara’s sea they drown
                                          no more

I must wake up!

In the dream world
     imagination is the creator
of all sights and sounds
   and smells and feels and fears
      and tastes and don’t forget
         the touches you don’t get
      — your mind creates those too
in the dream world
     the artist thrives or dies
depending on will and disposition
          — or is it now our despotism?
for it is time I must remind        
                                                   (who?)
      it’s  pure       imagination
         —    creepy factories aside    —

I have entered the dream world
     and so I say goodbye
to the ordinary people I once knew
   to the human race in which I grew
      to the good friends, in numbers few,
oh how when I write, I will miss you!
      but only a solo journey ensues
(the synonym is madness)
      for it’s certainly not entirely lonely
with all those characters arguing in there

          CAN YOU SHUT THE HELL UP
                   FOR JUST A SECOND
           SO I CAN PRETEND
                   TO BE NORMAL?

  Nope.

         Not fair.

This familiarity is based on
     past impressions
          with no guarantee of
     future impressions
           (& little return on investment)

            you think I’d shift gears

Alas! like so many lifetimes
       before me
                      I write
   I enter the dream state
                      I strive
   I will realize my mind
                      this time,
   with a qualified Spiritual Guide.

Categories
Poetry

Get on with it

(alternative title: How to not do you)

I’ve a laundry list of things to do
not one of them involving you
so, if you please, I’ll be
              getting on with my day

While I’d love to sit and stay
and chat until we’re old and gray
I know it just won’t be enough
              so I’ll get on without it

Under red oak and blue sky I sit
to meditate and improve my wit
still I know it won’t be enough
              so I get on with it

I guess I’ve gotten a bit more fit
and especially if by salt-lamp lit
I think I might be good enough
              but I must errands run

Now a silly story my mind has spun
transforming chores from bore to fun
I purify my karma now
              so I can move on too

And though there is so much to do
I just can’t stop thinking on you
so how am I supposed to act?
              I get on with it

Categories
Dreams Poetry

Mere Imputation

The space in here
       it is not clear
though she says
       it’s clarity

My mind is fog
       for this is wrong
though she says
       it’s sanity

I hear a siren’s call
       – or a fire alarm?
as she sings
       it’s raining men

If she’s a storm
       I wish to be her wind
though she says
       such wish is sin

If I fall in
       I know I’m fucked
though she jokes
       you’re just a crook

It’s just a test
       as she laughs at me
now she says
       suffering need not be

If happiness is mind
       I generate it from within
now she sings
       the world is yours to win

Oh! Elusive happy mind!
       on what do you depend?
now she jokes
       it’s in your head!

The space in here
       it is not clear
though she says
       it’s clarity

My mind is fog
       for this is wrong
now she begs
       oh just kiss me!

Categories
Dreams Poetry

Giving Thanks to a Past-life Brother

Am I a menace?
A mara? A demon?
Will no one tell me?
Will they simply write a book about me
                 after I die?
Or will I be blasted into forgetful oblivion, purposefully?
What delight did I lack, will I lack,
                 force others to abandon
with my mara-induced delusions?
                  (autism, they call it now)
refusing responsibility – still!
     a demon to this day
     poor quality on display
Brother Fabjan, rescue me 🙏
please don’t make a mockery
     of my life’s work, of my plays
     of my dreadful mimicry,
the plagiarism of youth
in poor taste – ah! I know!
But despondency after death
     is a hell realm, and – alas! –
I was merely reborn human
again – ah! But not to torment you
still! A demon you say!
                  Oh brother Peter Fabjan!
                  You could not rescue me!
So this lifetime, I turn instead
to a Spiritual Guide,
Buddha Shakyamuni’s continuum,
and, in constant manifestation,
                  his teachers!
I am grateful, finally,
to shed this shadow of karma
which reeks of dreadful delusion,
     this familial mockery, betrayal
      – no doubt I returned or would return in kind –
finally, I get to cleanse such evil minds!
Alas! I am grateful!
Thank you, my brother

Categories
Buddhism Philosophy Poetry

What is man?

Man
ignorant being
lucky opportunity
nearly impossible to find
how stupid to throw it away

Is man stupid?

Man argues about
what to be called
how to be perceived
       as if possible to control
externally!

Man abandons his own mind
aids his own demise
has every chance at happiness
but cannot wait
for temporary satisfaction to subside
before another yearning must arise
                    chase    chase      chase     die!

Just watch!

What is man?

A near-beast, I am
though, for the first time
seeing the trap
I have the instructions
a treasure route, escape map
as man, as woman
        it matters not!

Only that we try
                               and we do try!
to grasp this
nearly impossible to find
lucky opportunity
non-ignorant being
man

Categories
Buddhism Good Fortune Poetry

Reliance

I am happy
despite circumstances

I am strong
despite my gloom

I am calm
despite storm

I am fearless
despite impending doom

I am giving
despite my poverty

I am glad
despite my lack

I am friendly
despite loneliness

I progress
despite setback

I give with bodhichitta
I give fearlessness and love
I give Dharma and materials
I offer sun and moon above

I offer each and every moment
of pure practice, I transform
I abandon all delusions
and only virtue I perform

But how could I achieve this?
         certainly not alone
only through my Spiritual Guide,
and the Three Jewels upon his throne

Categories
Poetry

a part

I am not apart from my faith
but I am apart from people
       from my mountain cave
I compose poems and songs
       I meditate and I realize emptiness
and still the people come in throngs
       to accuse me of such silliness
feelings that have long since
                                    come and gone

for aeons, our own harm befalls us
but still we blame,
       in mistaken consciousness
still the same
       in all our actions ignorant
I am not apart from my faith
but I am apart from others
       in their silence and their pain
I am apart from you
       and here I fear I will remain  

Categories
Poetry

Irish Goodbye

       run with the wind
just like that
                               gone

       who will remember
I was here
                               none

Categories
Love Letters Poetry

near miss

we were supposed to meet for coffee
when I showed up, half-past two
I rapped upon your door
I waited there for you
I knocked again, but harder
something clearly isn’t right
I knocked again then tried the lock
lacking manners, impolite
without permission, I enter
you’re nowhere to be found
the dishwasher’s running
but your meds aren’t around
I check the tub and closets
past life fears resurface
I wonder where you are
as suspicion makes me nervous
you were supposed to make me coffee
at half-past two
I was running late
but that I always do
I knew something was wrong
when I didn’t hear from you
we were supposed to share some coffee
at half-past two
not five minutes later
I’m standing on your lawn
I’m entering your home
as quiet as a fawn
I know something is missing
the dishwasher whirs its plight
I know you are not here
I know this isn’t right
we were supposed to meet for coffee
when I showed up half-past two
I was running late
as you know I always do
you’ve never found a fault
and how I did appreciate
your kindness and your patience
even in accepting unkind fate
and how I’d love to blame you
like everyone else will do
but I can’t find a seed of anger left
only compassion true
so, please, do not be lonely,
if you are alone tonight
know you are still loved
do not give up your fight
we were supposed to meet for coffee
at half-past two
but I ran a little late,
and I fear I just missed you

Categories
Buddhism Meditation Poetry

Power of Promise

I promised to be patient
I promised to be kind
I promised I would wait
until the end of time

Yet father’s banging at the door
and we all do yield to death,
what’s more delusions bind my grip
and fear has caught my breath

     stop

     rely

I promised to be patient
I promised I would wait
but still ‘round every corner
I expect to meet my fate
                  — and I do!

But it’s never happy!
and even if my heart is glad
no memory of me is had
and so we lose our state
                   — again!

     stop

     offer

I promised to be patient
I promised I would pray
I promised I would escape
     Samsara’s silly plays
                   (all pleasure, mere name
                      real grasping, suffer, blame)

So each day I practice
through the happy and the sad
and even though the sun’s been shining
my heart feels rain
                    — am I mad?!

     stop

     receive

I promised to be patient
I promised to be kind
and so I request blessings
to restore this peace to mind

I know I am resilient
with the Guru at my heart
I know with patient acceptance
I excel at Dharma’s peaceful art

So with blessings in my mind
these delusions I outsmart!
I maintain a stable practice
remembering: no partless part