If I cannot have pleasure
free from all pain
while enjoying samsara’s treasure
I must be addicted to pleasure
and addicted to suffering
in absolute equal measure
Categories
f*cked | Session 19
Tag: attachment
not good enough?
you little moth
drawn to my flame
fearing I’ll burn your wings
but I am not fire (your past)
I am air (your future)
a Tara,
wind element
you choose disbelief
to break hearts, cause tears
& still, you deserve such clarity of mind,
divine,
you little moth
you’re enough
Categories
Warped Regression
I am wretched
spastic in time
visions zoom and swoop
I am not alleviated of guilt
I am a burden of my own burdening
Knocked to the hard ground
concrete bloodied
pieces of knuckles, jaws
scattered about
detritus of a coming war
spastic in time
visions sink, exhaled
a finale, last breath
I am not alleviated of guilt
I will not profess my own burdening
Seamless lips, faulted
refusing to admit witness
slammed with responsibility
reaping, weeping, false confession
but a word, treason, is not spoken
and the clouds do not lift
visions sink, heavy, inhaled
as poison, saddled, trained
a whistle blows, heard for miles
you know it’s gone —
a train of burden
You ought to have seen this coming
hisses a Voice outta dark
whispers like old wheels
grinding to a halt on a rusted track
(obligation bearing back)
And if I did?
words evaporated, arisen from
a vibrating box,
moved by mind
And remain ignorantly attached?
But why!
— surprise in the Voice
silence
Addiction to the merry-go-round
of burden,
the colours, the depths of pain
the highs of lows
the energy, vibrating
words, vibrating
endowed with mind-meaning
and mind-made-up
The Voice can see what
lack of service lacks
and stops. shocked —
disappears, abandoning
Please! I laugh
Please! I laugh
and laugh
Know me,
choose to know me
and know that you are not alone
but I will not make you
less lonely
knowledge will not make you
less lonely
that always you will want
only to be
alone
Know me
see my sorrow
unpromised to a single cause
observe that
anchor-attached
I will drown
you will watch
as you are drowning
we are overwhelmed
alone
Know me
then choose to leave me
low and wet
high and dry
ecologically drained
and emotionally filled
venomous
— or is it toxic? —
she is both,
alone
Know me
do not.
do not learn.
a box better left lidded
monogrammed P
a sell-sword’s secret sealed
unabandoned, undone
better to un-know
better to be
alone
Know me.
Choose to know me.
Know that you are not alone,
but it does not matter
when self-cherishing strangles
the virtue that prompts
the mind that yearns
will cut off
compassion, love
and choose the self.
Alone.
Categories
Feels good, man (but for how long)
I shall call it
changing suffering
forevermore
for that is what it is
Every twinkle little star
every snowflake near and far
sparkling against sky or ground
morning dewdrops all around
I once considered beautiful gifts
wondrous signs too commonly missed
But, no – I now see
(not for the first time)
fool’s gold
not easily offered back
a meaningless pocket weight,
(now I must buy a belt)
How can I contend with such suffering?
In temporary pleasures and joys,
effortlessly, we’re robbed
even if of mere time
inescapable imputation
immovable mountain
sickness, aging, death
I cannot evade you
so why am I running?
Why do I not surrender?
The terrifying jaws of death
protected only by an inner circle,
a very subtle layer
(Let’s unblock the chakras
before it’s too late)
(I hope it’s not too late)
You know, the story of the ring was this
emptiness, bliss
there all along,
delusion appearing great,
feels too strong
yet empty empty
all along
(Of what?)
(Empty of what?)
That’s the question,
the non-existent rub
(still yearning for the out)
So just existing in this tub
Trading suffering
Not for the first nor last time
does such (dis)satisfaction
(edit upon the moment, day)
depend upon my mind
and never these infernal conditions
manifest by mind
It’s my mind
changing suffering, such!
nature of samsara’s temporary kind
So will be relief
when clarity appears to replace
this muddled mess –
direct realization: emptiness
with pure intention
and, please, before death!
Categories
A fickle thing
I started to lose interest
where it began, I cannot tell –
was it diseases of delusions?
or the medications as well?
Aversion to sugar
I dislike that sweet —
but a little too tart?
sours my treat
A dash of salt
is too salty still
when I want a
silly snack
Creamy vanilla
or buttered plain
are two with simple
lack
Yet mocha dark
or caramel glazed
are off my beaten
path
So what is it I fancy?
what is it I crave?
and what will satisfy me?
or quick become depraved?
For once a pleasure rises
a pleasure, she must fall
and he who sympathizes with
attachment
is he who loses all
For grasping at an object,
impermanent, illusion best
is ignorance, the birthplace
of delusions, all the rest
So what will satisfy me
external to my mind?
Nothing nothing no thing
for all that is
is named, is mind
Categories
What now? | Session 18
If it was never fixed,
it can’t be rebroken
yet it’s shattered now completely
while I am made whole
I have been repurposed
utterly renewed
now I know
freedom, not heartache,
ensues
amazing – I waited
so patiently —
. . .
okay, no
I begged
I literally got on my knees and pleaded
(humiliating really)
for C L O S U R E
I practically pulled my own teeth for it
(I simply stole a toothbrush instead)
I was intoxicated by the lust for a bitter end –
while being denied it again and again
knowing it’s going to come
inevitably
so I begged for early release
the buildup was incredible
intense at times
(filled with that crazed yearning)
but, as it so often is, then withheld
so when the climax didn’t come
time went by and trepidation
S t R e t c H e d
to a numbed oblivion, almost
forgotten – then rediscovered and
(as I was waiting for, begging for)
followed by the instant explosion,
so incredibly quick we call brief into question
a lit fuse to a pinch of dynamite
I waited for the punch! And it never came
it merely sizzled
a spark, lacking flame
and while I wish
so strongly, I could say, you too
were just a sizzle to me
instead I just admit you were a strong second
(sorry, never a first)
and of course such thirst for you
has permanently ended
no hurt no difficult goodbye
no hard feelings
just sweet, sweet relief
what now?
Enlightenment
Categories
Lost Life Loss
a memory
it is not mine
upon a log I sit
‘neath the snowy pine
under darkened sky
beside earthen stove
a bitter wind kicks up
in the moonlit grove
the jingle of the horse & sleigh
as it carries him so far away
I cannot weep, I do not cry
a muted heart is breaking
and as the silence lies
a frozen bough is snapping – loud
to crack the quiet
still, expected in the freeze
I do not startle, there is no breeze
no wind at back to impel me
my bones have stiffened here
my mind is anything but clear
as the winter’s solitude
forces delusions rather rude
inner quietude never did follow outer
now it’s simply easier to hear
internal screaming
though the fire burns, continuous
it takes us not
because it cannot reach
what we refuse we got
buried below
alive and dead
some peace & love
blessings bestowed
how are these all stripped from me?
as he plods on down the snowy path
I know he won’t be coming back
so I’m wrecked to watch him leave
though it is not my memory
In the Unforgetting World, attachment is inevitable
so my simple wisdom is this:
Attachment will rise
and as a wish fulfilled, it will fall
Your mind creates a story
you must see it all
If you see the tall tale clearly
and Dharma you recall,
Just apply a simple virtue
then, with love, enjoy it all
Categories
Halloween Haunt
I don’t feel right
I can’t be normal
an alien in another’s skin —
how uncomfortable at times
I see myself needing
I see myself performing
I watch the satisfaction of each urge
depressed (only) momentarily, popped
deflated pimple, red, temporary
embarrassing, addictive
craving will resurface, a monster
people argue its existence — Loch Ness —
but the lie lays bare before us
recognized or not
so, it is with robotic sensibilities
I feel myself refuse to yield
to another pointless pleasure
and instead feel pain!
which I know is not the way —
but how else will I recognize
when I am being led astray
if not by monitoring such deceits
especially harmful, discovering
my own mind is the evil
that haunts me
The Halfwit Writer 