It is said
they tasted the earth
and found it sweet
and that was the birth
of attachment to the food we eat
Attachment to the forms we see
to sounds we hear, scents we smell
to the tactile sensations felt
the gods betrayed us, every one
to attach a pleasurable feeling
to a non-existent tongue
Attachment, hatred
suffering, madness
all parts of the mind
love, compassion
equanimity, gladness
in only virtue will you find
everlasting happiness
The caterpillar is nice to visit
… in a way
He smokes his pipe
and blows his opinions
in your face
whether or not you’ve asked for it
But how much more you enjoy Alice
pretty and naive, a human even
quiet and observant, stupid even
(What would it be like?)
The girl and ‘pillar
both approach the end of a cycle transitioning, evolving
but one appears an ugly ascension
better left ignored
the other’s gracelessness is hidden
within, ignored
I am not Alice, a girl
secretive or demanding
wishing for non-blond understanding
I have never been lured
by a white rabbit or a rabbit hole
afternoon naps are not really my thing
and I’m awakening from my daydreams
I am the caterpillar
before it’s eaten by the bird
never to say a butterfly word or whisper
no kisses, no gratuity, no drinks
only brief passers pausing
for wisdom, absurd
or for entertainment to enlightenment
as I age to a disgraceful degree, resisting
before acknowledging
I’ll never fly
I’ll never be seen as
Alice
the caterpillar says goodbye
I love hearing the trees talk
sometimes the high branches speak
and the low branches listen
sometimes the east whispers to the west which gives silence in response
sometimes they all chatter at once
I lie in the sun, watching, listening
I dread the coming winter’s quiet
absent leafy voices,
instead violent creaks
disturb the silence, as do
small explosions,
breaking branches, piercing snow
crunching, snapping
deadened, hollowed,
muffled, no water flows
I wish that it would not come soon
but winter’s here in just one moon
you see me as a girl when
I have been your mother
you see me mother, after
I have been your child
you see me enemy after
I have been your friend
you see me a beginning after
I’ve been each and every end
only you don’t see the continuum
you don’t see what it’s for
you don’t see the “big picture”
you beg for common sense once more
you see me as a girl
you take me as a lover
you feel each pleasure new
and each pain rediscover
next you’ll meet me as your foe
and know my torture’s art
you’ll beg to be without me
while wishes ripen to never part
the cruelest joke of samsara
the wish-granter, genie, jewel
all worldly prayers do cometh true
with just timing making us the fool
you see me as a girl
radiant, free, and open
and you, overcome with envy,
how you wish to see me broken
by running toward temptation,
grasping at the self, and craving
we lose the possibility of salvation
with such constant misbehaving
how can we overcome our loathing
and refrain from touching skin?
for in heated hate-filled love embrace
I’ll remember you were once my twin
you see me as a girl
when I have been your mother
I have been your sister, father, uncle
yes, I have been your brother
I have been a loyal lab
and I a miser, cheat, and thief
I’ve rested in eternal peace
only to wake with new belief
seeing inner demons, outer
giving unending evil toments
with such cyclic suffering for all,
how can bodhichitta remain dormant?
you see me as a girl
you take me as a lover
you feel each raw sensation new
and rare laughter rediscover
how ’bout we call it quits
and cease identifying this mind
’cause ordinary doesn’t cut it
when extraordinary’s been defined
I don’t know about your view, but
mine says this pleasure garden’s rotting
my time here is running out
and my tell-tale heart is clotting
so don’t see me as a girl
goddamn it! – don’t take me as a lover
because incest is against the law
and I have been your mother
just as sure, you have been mine
some aeons or some years ago
for we’ve done all there is to do
in all the worlds there are to know
so let’s grow bored and say no more
and escape with little wits we’ve left
we’ve done it all … oh countless times before!
now let us create cause for happiness!
shining jewel clusters
break open the escarpment
like precious stones waiting to be mined
brilliant leafy treasure
blasts of magnificent colour
explode across the rocky grandstand
backdrop to the season’s splendor
its once generous green given way
to greedy autumn’s foliage display
absent emeralds
stolen by nature’s alchemy
redeemed for rubies, garnets
amber, gold
the greatest illusion
of tempered grandeur
before the bitter cold
it should be forbidden
that beauty unfolds
so lithely in loveliness
before its death
dappled luster’s ugliness
only revealed up close
moths have chewed endlessly
leafy veins, now begging bowls
blackened edges encase
slug-gobbled holes
not unlike the singed suffering
of cigarette-burned abuse
maple’s steepled points
waxed and dried
crunchy now upon crisp earth
hard to understand its worth
its place in time,
once life, once food
now dead, now dearth
and oh the scents! I cannot forget
the dampened clay and rotting fern
sickly sweet suckles long dried up
a sun-baked bog with willowed dregs
the sunflowered smells twist into sound
scritch-scratching of squirrel toes in trees
chipmunks squeak, thin branches break
acorns land in leaves
a buzz of daubers, wasps and bees
harmonized with the last cicada song
too soon the symphony will cease
and tarsi tickles won’t be found
not for so long! so if you please…
I beg for just a bit of time
to exhaust under this dying sun
that scalds with will to kill all life
that incinerates the weak and blind
leave me alone to work my mind
and feel the last blaze of the year
striving not to shed a tear
striving not to feel false fear
that knights permanence on temporary conditions
I will be strong and wise
and remain loving, kind
though winter has its eternal quality
once here, ne’er gone
still… it must go eventually
we’ll see…
just let me loaf in this season’s sun
to soak in such sensational torture –
intense, so brief, so fun –
ending soon,
hardly begun
There is a face that I once knew
we share a nose
and a freckle or two
she’s stuck in selfies on my phone
and ever present when I’m alone
She dances in the picture frames
at both my parents’,
the eyes the same
and even when I’ve grown stout
the similarity will be pointed out
The imputed I, it claims all things
that photo there is me, it sings
that car is mine and so are these kids
and this skin and face
and pale eyelids
Everything is mine, or related to me
while wise men retort: mistakenly!
mistaken appearance all my own
true as ash to fire and dust to stone
Everyone expects
A bang!
A surprise!
Shock and chaos
reflected in wide blue eyes
But falling in its own footprint
The detritus simply smokes
Blinding our eyes
little surprise
we can’t realize
The truth of the state
which we create
Too close we’ve come
too far we’ve been
we now seek something in between
In degenerate times
it is impossible to build purely
Follow the path out
and do not rejoice in death
make good use of this little time left
(Note: read best aloud in James Donald Forbes McCann‘s accent & cadence – sorry if that’s appropriation)
tonight,
a bird without song
landed on my chest
heavy
a big bird
maybe a childhood wound
yellowed, tarred, and feathered with age
the point is,
there was no song!
let’s not get caught up in the details
I’m sad!!!!
and still,
it’s all a dream
it’s just a dream
& I dream I am free
I’m happy!!
The Halfwit Writer