It is tempting to allow
false flattery to ripen pride,
despite our knowledge
that it’s born from a lie
It is tempting to perform
false charity to improve
a meaningless reputation –
what rock of suffering moved?
Self-cherishing is our sickness
the mind of a sneaky bastard
cunningly leading us to evil business
until virtuous focus is mastered
Every spring,
the muse returns with energy
to her castle
to open the secret corridors
closed up all winter
– only she knows
the secluded passageways
hidden behind tapestry
beneath growth
between books
In spring she dares to whisper
for winter’s fortress, now melted away
lays her skin’s secrets bare
her privacy tethered in silk
translucent in the light
hair of gold, breast of milk
lips are loose, hips tight
sins of youth, wrongs right
she kisses the mind
and spins her threads
day into night
How many times can I be
ripped open and restuffed
before the fabric can’t be resewn
before there is no thread to stitch
before I can’t be mended
How many times can a friendship break
before it must be ended
Step back
Take a breath
Open your heart
Put down your phone
I cannot complain when I know the cause
I cannot point finger as I’m to blame
there’s no why me with the reasons clear
beyond this time and place and name
I’ve been a stupid man countless times over
I’ve been a dumb boy, many times round
I’ve appeared the greater sex and his enjoyments
now I suffer for all his fun found
Now I’m cursed with monthly lashings
poisoned body and mind, inside and out
miserable in cycles uncontrollable
happy with confidence, then mean and full of doubt
Yet to my male lives I am indebted
for I still stand here, blessed and rare
female and peaceful, lacking will to war
while unattached for others I care
Though I live in pain’s dull embrace
thanks to the men in mirrors faced
Bernhard, Kafka, Thoreau, all others
they laid the plans, now I’ll escape
Having met Dharma in this lifetime
is my pure and saving grace
with faith and steadfastness I practice
to make some meaning of this place
How could I forget the taste
of peanut butter and honey
with sliced banana, open-faced
a delightful sandwich, toasted, plain
another sign spring has arrived
the cravings change when March is come
now savouring thick-spread-stuck tongue
quite pleasant and filling, nutty delight
cheap and easy with purse strings tight
indulging breakfast, lunch and dinner
this woman’s sandwich is the winner
one also recognizes the time of year
in the twitterpated words they hear
the birds still dressed in clothes austere
mourning dove then robin, now killdeer
all sing the song that spring has sprung
while I enjoy my buttered tongue
What do you want?
I mean, honestly, hun –
can you give me a straight answer?
Can you admit yourself one?
You lurk, you stalk, you play,
you wish, you pray, you prey,
you feast your eyes on words
and dwell on ones you’ll never say
You start and then you stop
you rush in and you pull out
you dance around the subject
clearly consumed with pointless doubt
You lack a vestige of courage
you lack a vehicle for change
your shoes are worn down
your soles soggy with rain
You gave up too early
you found nearby bed
you used her wet hole
to distract your sick head
I’m sad for your heart
I’m sad for your soul
you don’t understand the mind
so you grasp, run, let go
You say “no contradiction”
and you call it the truth
but what’s that in practice?
you’re as naive now as in youth
I can say what you need
and how you’ll disappoint
but I really don’t care
after I’ve had half a joint
What keeps me up thinking
is the very subtle mind
inseparable from any other
your thoughts are easy to find
They flatten then bristle
they swing and they miss
they wish I’d disappear
then they thirst for a kiss
How you long to control them
and how you know there’s a way
but you refuse to believe it
holding hungry dismay
You’ve been bruised, ego-beaten
dashed down and ignored
you’ve been neglected, abused
now you pretend to be bored
Why not free your desire?
there’s no way heart burns out!
If your motive is kind
and you trash your false doubt
Why not shine so brightly
and offer your gift?
Unless you’re a liar
and your stories are thrift!
I’ve insatiable curiosity
that somehow finds the low
and hearing their sad stories
know there’s lower to go
Out of horror and love
and my growing compassion
my heart moves my mind
so this body takes action
I would never wait for one
when there are countless suffering
I get rid of selfish motivation
as my bodhichitta is developing
It’s been a long winter
I thought I’d run out of words
but the channeling won’t stop
your imagination’s absurd!
I’ve been poked and prodded
and nearly choked out
I’ve swelling in tendons
I’ve been hit below belt
There’s a demon in my window
as my gargoyle stands watch
but no fearing nor loathing
could upset this game of hopscotch
I’m winning, ever winning
ever happy, despite sad
ever dancing around obstacle
ever grinning, being mad
If you’ve been here a while
you’ll already know
I made firm decision
a long, long time ago
I’m not wishy-washy
I’m not subtle, nor vague
I’m taming the wildest mind
treating delusions as plague
You don’t know the evil
I’ve birthed and I’ve held
with which I would harm
without three poisons dispelled
But with pure moral discipline
there’s no panic, no lack
I have all the conditions
and mindfulness my back
In dependence upon Three
I’ll never give up
and in defence against you
I’m staying #PrayedUp
The light bursts in
no longer through cracks
nor broken halves,
nor through torn seams
I am not split apart
nor wrenched open
I am not a fractured heart
nor a container for shattered dreams
This lightness spreads outward
and cleaves between subtle thoughts
mere names, perverse, obscene
erased in emptiness supreme
this clear illumination beams into
and through and out and from within
from under and around and beyond
a profundity incomprehensible
to all minds but the purified subtle mind
now obscured, but I am sensible
so I ride these blessed feelings
as a stable mount –
temporarily lucky for having found
such conditions and pure instructions
both needed to walk on spiritual ground
The path is paved with golden words
that have prevented me from going astray
I shall not stay another day
where life’s absurd –
although it might not appear that way –
I am mixed entirely with this clear light
no body, no conceptions
just a relaxed subtle mind
loving, compassionate, universally so abundant with a wealth
most do not know
and when I cry, my tears are gold
for with wisdom, before I’m old
great compassion arises, and with love unfolds
with bodhichitta, I am fearless, bold
I can’t explode at the seams
I am seamless, spacious, bright
I am vast, clear, light and airy
I would not take you in a fight
I yield victory to my opponents
being happy over right
Do not be blinded
nor be frightened
I am bursting, radiant, true
with bodhichitta motivation
I appear to sit and suffer with you
join me in meditation
I’ll touch you with my mind
we’ll both gain understanding
and leave this damned world behind
You lose by just remembering
You can’t forget your name
And even though you’ll try again
It’s really such a shame
You haven’t hope in high water
If you avoid this middle way
For never do I falter there
I win each time I play
It’s method tried and true
My guide has mapped easy escape
Yet, like so many, you’ll just ignore it
For sensual pleasures you’ll forsake
A win, a title, greatness
While striving for false fame
You’ll burn out, die, forgotten
While I beat you just the same
I win this round
I’ve won each match
All your little moves I catch
And it’s just no fun
To play in vain
For it’s far easier
To achieve my aim
Than for you to lose your stray
It’s like you don’t know how to play
And so I strive to let dogs stay
Where they sleep
I don’t say a peep
Never to blame
Rather my own mind tame
Because it’s not your fault you lose
I repeat, it’s just been a tasteless shame
And a waste of pure potential
If I’m the only one who beats the game
it’s a beautiful night
I label, I grasp
still, I appreciate
nice temporary conditions
with childlike delight
(especially in winter)
knowing the cause of this peaceful mind
is not this appearance
but an action, long passed
now the effect blooms
in the garden of good conditions
no external wish granted
just joyful disposition
for winter never could bring happiness
what is this effortless arising
so easy, so pure
it’s the mind of renunciation
samsara’s cure
for the only reason I now have delight
is Dharma given kindly
which I recall tonight
The Halfwit Writer