Categories
Poetry

Edge of Tomorrow

I know you

Do you know me?

I cannot help but note the tragedy

of new lives lived with no memory

of old lives discarded though they’re

the very foundation of the new!

— no memory

you have of me

or I’d have seen

some bloody action by now —

or maybe you’re tied down —

she’s got you on the tracks

while I’m off the beaten path

and I’m calling out loud

— but you can’t hear me

you don’t know me

you can’t see me

you’ve forgotten —

I had too

but now I’ve seen —

no. I felt the tug,

a heart string plucked

and yearned anew

for only you

as if I’d done this many times before

a feeling I could not ignore

familiar and odd — uncanny

when you looked at me

with no knowledge of

the touches I gave long ago

time erases and time has passed

ages since we danced in the afterglow

— now no memory,

though time did slow

when you looked at me

and my heart beat so rhymically

as if we’d done this all before

— and yet, no more

as you walked away

I longed to say

what I’m looking for —

Enlightenment, and is it at your door?

I wish to be rich and it’s such

delusions that keep me poor

tempt me tease me all you want

— or do not —

I still remember you

do let me know if I can stir

a memory —

do you know me?

Categories
Poetry

Delayed Gratification

I have promised patience
in exchange for a kingdom of happiness

I have promised patience
in exchange for an appearance of love

I have promised patience
in exchange for unattached enjoyments

I have promised patience
for you, so we can complete the path together

So I wait, like a princess in her tower
with patience, my Buddha nature I empower

I promised patience, and I wait for you
with faith unwavering, my heart is true.

Categories
Buddhism Poetry

The Wink

Why do you torture me?

Does your eye boast truth
or do mine bear fiction?
I write lies to soothe me to sleep
a samsaric slumber steeped in tales of attachment,
happiness served on a silver platter
just a taste and, absent of addiction,
I’ll be satisfied — just your touch
and I’ll not want more — a lie
like salt water quenching thirst —
only thirstier I grow for
— just your tongue lending sweet
nothings to an indiscriminate ear
incorrectly discriminating — just your
taste to tease unintentional senses
dependent upon such sour
senseless ignorance dependent upon
countless causes, rebirths, misunderstood
and non-existent selfs — but maybe still,
it’s just your self that will satisfy this self
& somehow, still, we will escape samsara
— a lie of attachment, a joke, a wink

Is that what you mean to give,
when you torture me?

Categories
Poetry

Lost

I lost your number
a long time ago
— right away

after the lock broke
it was clear
I couldn’t be trusted

how things have changed
and mistaken memory
makes you
bigger, then smaller than
you were, are

who are you now?
I wonder

I lost my privilege
to know

the you
grown in moments
now passed

Categories
Buddhism Poetry

Constant Craving

I want to be
someone who loves you

with no demands
with no expectations
with no history of delusion

I want to be
the pure love always within you

yet still,
I cherish only myself

I want you to see me
I want you to love me

because of this
damned self-grasping

And then I laugh remembering
we is just a dream

Categories
Buddhism Love Letters Thirsty Thursday

Thank You | Letter 10

To my Ex,

Thank you.

You have given me much I will cherish for years to come. Nothing I can keep in a box under my bed. No pictures to burn. Gifts far greater – ones I will carry with me life to life, like my pure love for you.

Patience. 

Before I met you, it was rare to walk slowly through nature, and never would I think to name its parts. Waiting was a great torment. Sitting silent was near impossible. Then, you mixed your patient mind with mine.

Faith.

You challenged my beliefs constantly. A torture at the time, but such a gift to progress. This obstacle appeared to destroy our relationship, but served as a test I passed time and again. You helped me try each teaching until I had conviction in each one. I valued them more than temporary relationships. I would keep them at the cost of my life.

Love.

Though we did not know unconditional, we strove. I accepted love from you. And I found my happiness only in giving. For we can never take love for ourself from another. That will never cease suffering. Loving you has helped cease suffering. Loving all beings (even spiders) creates my happiness.

It is only in reflection that I can begin to understand that I was absolutely blessed by the Buddhas that my path be made meaningful and my travel swift. Thank you to Buddha, who appears as friend, family and foe to guide us from our misery.

If we can remember to apply the primary practice.

Thank you.

Love,
your Ex

Categories
Buddhism Meditation Poetry

cramped in the tub

I am in the tub

I am dissatisfied
this tub has taken me nowhere
I’ve been round this way before

it ended with suffering

slit wrists in the clawfoot
or just the bath water ran cold

It ended with suffering
and I wanted escape

from the tub

*

I can’t out-damn-spot my misery

I can’t wash away the pain

purification doesn’t exactly work that way —
unless we carefully imagine it does (in four steps)

but who has the mindfulness for that?

not I, as I search for meaning in this worthless pleasure

careful not to throw out the baby with the bath water

I transform this all-too-addictive
suffering through wisdom, and will
tuck this teaching

into the continuum as I tuck myself
into bed

careful not to slip as I stand and step

out of the tub

Categories
Buddhism Poetry

Absent Slam

The lid closed slowly —
it used to slam,
startling you

lots of loud noises
offended, scared you

one day, I saw
I had become a loud noise

now I’m quiet,
tamed and evenly tempered

my mind is trained,
practiced, wise

the very things you wished
by the very method you hated —

blessings.

I see the toilet seat
fall — slowly
silently

and wish blessings
upon you
still

Categories
Dreams Saturday Expressions

Three Dreams | Session 13

I’ve had four to five memorable dreams over the past year. Here are three of them.


Chapter One

In the first dream, I was back in a student house.
I had to pack up and be out by the next day.

Too tired to do anything that evening,
I went to bed in a sleeping bag
on a mattress on the floor.

A recent partner was spending the
night in the other room.

I had a large upturned couch
in the next room and spilled
jewellery and beads all over the carpet. 

The next morning, he got up to leave.

Aren’t you going to help me? I asked.

No. I just needed a place to stay the night.

Oh. Disappointment.
Also thinking, how the hell
am I going to do this alone?

When are you going to get it?
I’m not here to help you.

He emphasizes
what should have been obvious.

Chapter Two

In the second dream, I was walking
down the street to my mom’s house.

He was walking back to a van
parked outside her house.

I was surprised.
Surely he would have told me he was in town.
Disappointment.

He gets in a tour/camper bus. He is with his ex,
some girls from work and school, and a new face.

Without restraint I put my hand on his crotch
and aggressively groped him while choking out
Nice to see you. Thanks for saying hi.

I exited, lacking any shred of dignity.

Chapter Three

In the third dream,
I was walking through mist.

He came out of nowhere.
Why didn’t you tell me you wanted to talk?

I tried. Do you want to now?

Why didn’t you tell me?
He faded back into the fog.  

Predictable.

Categories
Photography Poetry

The Rideau Canal | FF 17

I made you a picnic for dinner
many nights that week

You showed me where you used to live
with your last ex (there are many)

I’ve joined the lineup
and I’m not eager to see

our once-sacred spots shared, although
in hindsight, it was predictable

your memories still float, caught
in the historic locks of

the Rideau canal