Tag: creative writing

Categories
Poetry Saturday Expressions

Fearless | Session 5

Poem by K. Samways, written in 2020 as part of the (currently) unpublished collection, A Very Slow Awakening
Read time: 10 minutes

I

It’s easy to think of yourself as 
Fearless
until you meet someone who’s
dared to do
what you believe
you cannot.

How do you free yourself of
this doubt?

This delusion?

This ignorant confusion?

of reality

created

by mind
my mind
mirror mind
giving you thoughts

Hope you like them!

I pass them along ethereal waves

insubstantial
or did
you catch
the breath
I breathed
on
your neck

I ran a finger down
your spine
but it 
was without
permission

So I did not
allow you
privy 
access
to this 
personal
conquering
of my fears

Reality resists
and so
flow
slows

Because my mind
still finds
it difficult
to manage

this fearlessness

with doubt

A teeter-totter
I played on
as a child
yearned to outgrow
yearned to know
yet they 
stripped
the playground
bare of these

along with
the merry-go-round
we’d spin with ease
running as hard as we could
in sick circular motion

until it spun so fast
and pulled us to our knees

four Band-aids to stop the bleed

too expensive to remain
on school ground lot
now kids can’t play

not because the bandages cost too much

But because at some point
the PTA understood
that they could be
sued for their
kids will be kids
attitude

Reality created anew
from the mind of these
fearful few

That turned money into
an object to be held
cemented it as some 
kind of tangible
symbol
so we believe
the cash
is as real as 
the gun

held to head
of one soon dead
so one can eat
although another
meet his
end

The money, raw symbol,
as real as the guts
now
splattered on the wall

Where are my guts?
I tried to spill them
but the metaphor 
falls flat
because I can’t hold
them in my hands
and share
them 
with you

and besides

I’m feeling gutless all of a sudden

II

So,

I’ve got this story for you

About this daydream

I am constantly

(I don’t mean constantly
but you know)

having
and let me tell you!

I am so chill. 
I mean, calm, cool and collected.
We’re standing together.

(Seriously, it’s just a daydream
not a fantasy)

We’ve got some serious eye contact going on
you know the type I mean
I’m looking at you
you’re looking at me
and though it’s just
our eyes we see
we’ve gone a bit deeper
a couple layers in
at least
it seems
I see a bit more
when you see me

–kind of erotic, right?
Okay, well, not for everyone. 

So, I’ve got this gift
this present
this moment
with
you
and I’m trying to space it out
not really sure if you are too 

(even though it’s a daydream
heck, got to make it as real
as possible, really secure
those doubts and fears)

My thoughts 

Maybe I’ll play
the mirror
game – make
a face
and see
if he
does the 
same

So I smile at you
and why 
am I surprised
you smile back
and
I melt inside

It’s a mushy melt
I’ve yearned for
Not the sensual touch
of skin on skin
but soulful union
of long lost kin
a soul lost from
another life
and from my 
teacher’s mouth
came this advice:

How would you heal the connection from a dream?

(Most of the advice comes in the form of a question
go figure)

So I think
with more doubt yet

Maybe I shouldn’t wish
for this
selfish yearning
for devotion 
from another
being, though
I’m simply longing
for the very
ordinary human
wish to use this form
as an outlet, a plug
to connect two souls
not really separate
yet still
two mental
continuum

And when I put it that way
it still feels divine
So I think act natural
change and maintain
your aspiration
lead it into action
not battle
nope. no war here.
more like riding a raft down the river
with a staff
your
guide

(that stick isn’t going to help you upriver against this current)

This river is leading me to 
one place
enlightened
with
scent of mint
no doubt of that
otherwise
I’d be stuck
on this 
fucking raft 
forever.

I guess then
the appearance of
choice is 
distilled to
two

be afraid
or 
be fearless

Oh,
right,
so,

I was telling you this story
about this daydream
I’m having

(no not right now – well, yes technically
it’s in my mind)

where we’re looking
into 
one another’s
eyes

blah blah blah

I just want to 
touch you
because I feel
you empathize
with me 
a lot 

(and many others too..
that’s what’s so cool about you)

And because
I took a quiz
and one of my
love languages
is physical touch
thus I need it
so much
and need 
is a word
I feel
I need
to eradicate
from my
vocabulary 
along with
should

Here’s the 
vision’s catch

If I touch you,
It ends. It’s over.

All I have in
dreams
awake and sleeping
is this
silly crazy
yearning and
at best heavy eye contact
and once in a while 
words
that say
I love you 
back

I can’t help question

(my own advice, I guess)

Why is that?

III

Circling back to 
aspiration

I feel the
need to 
acrostic
this
bitch

Ask me
Search me
Preach to me!
I have looked for Harmony, Usually a 
Rival, Discerning
And certainly not dumb
Though I see an unfinished symphony
I wish for completion, To become
One,
Nurturing

I am naive yet not the fool
trust
blind
faith
educated
tested
with
proven
lived 
experience

I’ve felt courage
but how will
I recognize 
a type of 
fearlessness
I’ve never felt before

The answer could 
be distilled to two
once more

Trust that it will work out
despite not knowing
or
Trust that you will recognize
the unexpected
when it happens

When I get truly 
caught up
in rhythms, movements
emotions
blown up
earthly materials
wind water air
especially earth
so weighty here
gravity
pulls
me
down
and my resistance
is sideways steps
at least they are not

moving
backward.

Oops.

That happens sometimes
too

Defying gravity
feels like
a bad girl’s thing
and
I’ve been
disciplined 
previously
enjoyed not 
then
enjoyed not
now
so fearlessness
is called
upon somehow

to defy
in spite
of anxiety
worry
fear

It comes 
as wisdom
comes as 
grace
comes as 
smile
on a happy 
face

Comes in feeling
within 
without

Positive
now
without
doubt

I’ve meditated
hours
in
present tense
so that 
future 
is now and
I wait
less

Patience a
virtue
I definitely have
put to test
again and again and again and again and again and again
and again and again and if this is trying you
in the slightest you can bear…well, probably a lot
apparently we all can
as long as 
the mind
believes
we can
it can
—
can you do the can can?

Distraction 
of earth mode on, man.

Circling back, again and again and again and again
and again and again and again and (that’s where we left off)

No one ever said

fearlessness 
didn’t manifest 
as the human quality
(note not disorder)
A.D.H.D.

What I’m trying to say
is that 
this courage
is built 
on a 
foundation 
I celebrate
encourage
and could
definitely
cultivate 
a little
more of

IV

This is my garden

I don’t normally show it to people. 

The weeds are a little overgrown, yeah.

I tried to help my mom garden several years ago. (I mean several, and I’m only young!)
How it hurt my knees. They really ached. I was probably dehydrated, I think back,
cold fingers now, winter weather getting in, yes, definitely dehydrated.

I used to tell myself a story that I would never have patience.

I was really angry back then.

I used to tell myself a story that I would never garden.

I was really in the weeds back then.

I used to tell myself a story that I would never be loved.

Can you even imagine?
How silly.
How common.
How unbelievably ordinary.
To believe
a belief
a mere thought
conjured 
from a mind
of deepest 
insecurity
fueled by 
economic
insecurity
encouraged by
destabilizing
conglomerate
objectives
appearing
synergetic
in nature
of course
but in reality
only found
in nature
not corporate
systems lol!

So since then
I set to change
that intention

by seeking, 
purposely

to change
by merely
changing
aspiration

only I am 
taking it
to the next
level

so discontent
at last
with ordinary
existence 
that I
must, 
no, 
need!
to pledge
I choose
deathlessness
and traveler
of the
next life
never
to rest
never
to stop.

Fearless
Fearless
is the 
chant

(did you hear? I like chanting now)

musical
and powerful
and OM
and AH
and HUM

I get it now
I’m not there yet
this story
holds within
it truth
yet really
isn’t quite
what you 
imagine it
to be

Mistaken
conception
from your
mind and 
that you
put 
on me

(I do it too)

Right, back to the gardening.

So I’m finally learning
how to grow stuff
really, and properly
by following instructions
and making sure 
these little
plant babies
get enough sunlight
and water
and I even have 
a couple in my
apartment

(have you seen my apartment recently?
My ego wants me to tell you, it’s pretty rad)

You wouldn’t
believe what
I can make
happen with 
enough sleep
the right diet
and a little
bit of 
exercise

(okay, a lot
of dancing)

V

If I choose
to be
fearless selfless patient
virtuous
my highest self

should
humbleness 
not spill
from my 
lips

Nah. 
Remain natural, He said.

I want to inspire, I said.
Not just be inspired by.

And all my wishes have come true.
So why not this right now?

All the wishes 
I remember

and work toward all come true.

It’s just so goddamn hard 
to remember them all
so I wish
to just
focus 
on

the one.

Categories
Dreams Poetry Thirsty Thursday

Thirsty Thursday | Dream 2

Another dream from October of last year

It seemed so funny, now, that we should be sitting there.

Together at a booth with two – or three? – other people. I didn’t know any of you.
And yet – you. You stared at me with such a loving smile. I felt I knew you my whole life.
You said something to me, and I felt warm inside. Though we weren’t alone, the world stopped for us. Alone in the booth, with Bill, Jane and Russ. 

Your foot brushed my leg, a flirt loaded touch. My flesh raised as though cold, suddenly five was too much. Desire filled my heart, and I longed to be held. I saw you see me; you saw me melt. From inside out, I became mush. It happened so fast – so much for being tough. I wanted to reach you, as you were sitting there. I thought we were in a booth, but now you’re sitting in a chair? And the ceiling lights flickered, from fluorescent to 40watt. In the now dimmed diner turned cafe, I no longer fought: the dream was fading fast. Though the feeling remained warm, it was now in the past. Your lingering smile and your simple foot play, I mumbled as I woke, “I wish I could stay.”

Categories
Poetry

Snow | wonS

Photo (2018) & Poem (2020) by K. Samways

Snow | wonS

A snow globe world is turned around
Snow falls up then snow falls down
Defying gravity one moment here
Yet normal normal is the cheer
What comes down is what went up
Spilled contents redistributed cup to cup
Every so often this reset button trips
Snow white blanket, purity uplifts
Illusion is enough to calm most fears
Blindly inject cure: crocodile tears
The snow it fuzzies up our mind
As if it wasn’t hard enough to find
Answers in a material world
Shopping for your material girl
Happy family, joyful pawn
Garbage cleared from your front lawn
Hidden in basement, marked on map
X like treasure, X like trap
Drink your poison, muddle mind
Take the blue pill and you’ll find
You’re content, go back to sleep
No more sorrow, no more tears to weep
Do not fight back, now put on your leash
Plug in here, work, pay, perish, release
Fuzzy, fizzle, fight through fog
But it’s hot and cold, sinksand squish bog
I can’t get my boot out, it’s stuck
I’m getting sucked in, ah! shit! fuck!
It’s like every 90s kid’s nightmare
Quicksand, giant insects, CGI Monster stare
I swore I’d never do mushrooms again
So how the fuck did this poison get in?
A muddled mind, dentist lips, numb and swelled up
Gauzy cheeks, boozy blur, drink more & bottoms up!
Brandy eyes, winey breath, lighting tricks
Mascara smudge, husky voice and whiskey dick
Although he cannot get it up
Up goes the snow as we get tossed
Back to the ceiling blank and cruel
Our snow globe world, veiled reality dual
A switch up just a little now
The streets are a mess, so 
Start your engine, start your plow
No drunk driving back to bed
A muddled mind craves sleep instead
Especially on snowy days with skies so white
Maddening maddening caged with fright
Absent absent is delight
These foggy thoughts have me depressed
Felt as though it should be addressed
Since my words are losing sense
Opinions will replace facts but present tense
Thoughts are real hallucinations too
So we should react and divide as taught in school
Until tremors indicate we’ve been picked up again
And perhaps we’ll wait to see
Snow fall up and people down
To make our chess piece move
Knight or queen, still just a pawn
Because the game is rigged beyond
Our understanding with snow globe tricks
Appearance versus reality
Drugs, prescription, scripts
Fed from faceless machine, dark
Conspiracy theory
You can reject because as 
I’ve said
My muddled mind, fog headed here
Sees snow fall up through window pane
A mirror image from glass next door
Reads backward enasni: you’re insane.

Categories
Love Letters Poetry Thirsty Thursday

The Emperor | Letter 4

Dear Gallantry

The shadow
of the unseen

groundedness
ethereal

skittering claws
on laminate floor

MEW and the splash
of milk poured kindly

I walk to
the temple

hands clasped
feet bloodied
by pilgrimage

I have escaped
two cults

& am now 
a pilgrim
in an empty room

walls dissolve into
ecstatic space

galaxies permeated
by lantern lights

opened over lightyears
some long extinguished

into the underworld
a pilgrim’s womb

am I electric
circuit open

lips apart & move
toward

am I electric
if sparks would

come between us 
should we kiss

am I electric
bad to touch

I know not what
ill thoughts

your mind produces &
can produce

a stained extreme perversion
pressed over truth

If my mind convince me
You’re the One

The mother being in us all 
The child, fun

Yet still the warrior
standing tall

If my mind convince me
choose dead end

Plant the seed, Oh
Foe Destroyer

Reap the harvest, Oh
Great Enjoyer

I see the flame
alight in you

Like a moth I’m drawn
Oh please undo

Like a fly in your web,
Thanatos taboo

The mentor, a gem
my teacher, a guide

The sword in the rock,
Eros, my pride

Tears fall in my lap
in the castle alone

I unearthed the mask
to hide 

behind the offering
of pearls

A broken heart reveals
I’m not diamond nor stone

As the flame ignites
the animal yields

So I sought you out, Gallantry,
found you on high

along with your mind and your songs
and your thigh

which I’ve touched in my sleep
as I’ve stroked your hair

I’ve touched you in places where
you usually take care

to preserve with resignation 
that we should not be caught

staring too long while we’re working
or not, because

we’ve paused for laughter – my
god overall

I can’t help but wonder what
may come after

for you loved Cattle Call, and that
had me in

hysterics, a place I call home
giddy with giggles

and hellbent to roam.
Yet I

simply walk to the village
just over 

that bridge, and I walk there
so slowly

Climbing a mountain to get to
the ridge

finding a heart, healed & holy
set apart

loving the self, deep ocean
reminisce – you’ll 

do me the pleasure of delivering
this life’s first kiss

though we’ve shared infinite karma
what’s to ripen

right now can delight and amuse
us while we 

still develop, unattached, somehow
we’ll figure

it all out. Are you with me? 
Gallantry?

xx, The Empress

Categories
Dreams Thirsty Thursday

Thirsty Thursday | Dream 1

This week we’re going to mix things up a bit. I’m going to share a thirsty dream instead of a love letter. Enjoy 😉

A Dream

You met my eye across the room,
I couldn’t believe my luck.
I felt your stare raise bumps on skin
and simply yearned to fuck.
Right before my very eyes,
you strode across the floor.
My heart beat fast and skipped a beat.
I felt your eyes once more
look me up and down, 
your hand came out,
and wrapped around my neck.
My eyes met yours, and there we stood 
with parted lips we moved toward
each others’ face and tongue
met taste of another
flesh that was hot and sweet
and cold sweat meshed
against your cheek, my 
hand came out to meet
your back and pulled you close
to grind against the fabric
of my …what was I wearing?
You went to the bathroom, 
and someone came in. A new conversation
started, and I realized the
bed I was in was getting cold,
and the sweat was real, but
the image was not, though the scene was hot,
and my bedroom came into sight,
as my eyes met the light that
the day time brought, so I had to shake
it off while still admitting
it was nice to feel your eyes
on me though it was just a dream.

Categories
Poetry

Come Together

Infinite

Endless

Space

You create your future today

Do not become overwhelmed by the opportunities
If What if is What is then Why not What if
Something fucking fantastic.

Let us come together like fire and ice
to create the perfect fog
to slowly uncover the puzzle
put together by sightless senses
somehow complete and smooth around the edges
Won’t you create intentionally with me?

Let us build a masterpiece of a life
reciprocity
boundless giving, love instead of fears
we have such fun to make
a home of sex and joy
transforming life 
for hearts we touch
and we strive to touch them all
with a swinger’s gift
unique lust lends
to love
after
all.

You showed me gypsy magic
under light of waxing moon
simple, soulful tunes,
banged out with wooden spoons
passed down from father to son
carved with mystic ruins
creating music for ear
hair raises on skin
I feel it on my neck
like hot breath
and scruff scratch
I feel it on my lower back
where kidneys rub tissue to soundtracks
my arching spine senses the divine
from this music made
so much more than sound tonight
as only magic that persuades
the body move separate from mind
out of control, dancing in time
to art brought forth from empty space
a fire burns within this place
a story comes forth from your lips
I’m dancing with it on my hips
it is hypnotic as I twirl
no longer human, no more a girl
a spirit, light and transformed, airy
you moved me with the music sound
so that my feet no longer meet ground
yet I dance, so moved by you
and you by my words
as you play your tune.

We came together this cold night
to create intentionally by candle light
both romantics, painfully, to core
wishing freedom from attachment
wishing for much more.
yet still finding the body
anything but a bore
because these human sensations
can be felt in each pore
Have you counted them recently? 
there are billions
yet we call it one piece
don’t see it fragmented
and wish for release – 
from what?

It’s the thoughts and desires
like three deadly poisons
like witches who snare
with unsolicited visions
inciting toxic ambition
that clings to an “I”
not found in team
not found in love
which only gives, lest I dream
and yearn to receive as much as I live
to selflessly, unabashedly strive
to get rid of the ego and get rid of my pride.

Until I have made much more progress here,
I just yearn for the music
to help me release fear
the magic is working
as the gypsies knew
the music is magic
and the music
is you.

Categories
Dreams Saturday Expressions Visual Artwork

Two Dreams | Session 2

A Dream:

The King I seek is standing in the sun. 
I cannot see his face.
He holds out his hand to me.
In his outstretched palm is a wax seal.
I cannot make out the pressed emblem.
On the tips of his fingers he offers an amber Jewel.
I long to take the Jewel from his hand, but I don’t want to appear selfish. I just feel this offer means so much more. The seal reveals his official business, but Jewel feels like a gift meant just for me. I reach out my hand to touch his. 

The King disappears, and I wake up. 

Another Dream:

I was sitting on the bank of a river. From a distance, I watched a female oriole weave her nest with dry plants and tree bark. Every so often she would pause and call out to her partner, working at a distance. I moved closer to get a better vantage point. From up close I could see that the lady in orange array had woven lavender forget-me-nots into her hanging home. As she flew off to gather more materials, I stood up and peered inside. I gasped, thrown by what I saw. A window into a deep red world. A ruby hung in the clear sky casting brilliant rays across a crimson lake. A couple cradled in a copper canoe bent in for a kiss. A scarlet glare lights my pupils aflame and, blinking, I wake up.

Categories
Poetry

Love Your Narcissist

by K. Samways, 2020

Anyone who has suffered
at the hands of 
a narcissist
will understand
its great benefits

Let me tell you
about the
kindest boss
I had
so many insecurities
had she
that easy to manipulate
was she
only she also would
Manipulate me

oh the game of the 
narcissist
round and round
whisper whimper
hit the ground
She fed me lies and half-
truths, yes, but
also gave me
special public
opportunities
I’d be her plus one,
her pet
I looked good back then and
the leash was invisible,
You see

oh the game of the 
narcissist
round and round
chains and whips
hit the ground

So it was my eye not hers
that caught some others
wooing community 
members and benefactors
secret attendance
wallflower at times
but there, by her kindness
as her shadow
by her side
How dark and cold it was

oh the game of the
narcissist
round and round
ice trays crack cubes
hit the ground

Her kindness granted me
so much special aspect
special responsibility
not more than I could bear
but by then I 
did not know
up from down
what could I bear?
it all seemed too much
So she gave me more

oh the game of the 
narcissist 
round and round
kindness smothers
hit the ground

I’d go into work and drag
my feet until someone
came in and my pert
presence in 
reception was 
the only light
to cut the tension in
the office
a palpable, tangible plight
She plunged with us

oh the game of the 
narcissist 
round and round
wearing grinding
hit the ground

Here’s another opportunity
public events committee
the ultimate opportunity 
to display woman empowering 
woman in public spaces
closed door meetings aside
She pushed me towards
a brighter future – again –
how kind! Although I admit
She could work on the delivery

oh the game of the
narcissist
round and round
push and pull
hit the ground

But back in office
worse than before
ensuring I’d quit maybe
make a scene something more
pushing prodding
poking digging
although the ignoring 
was even worse – that’s how
they broke prisoners,
You know

oh the game of the
narcissist
round and round
lean in for kill
hit the ground

So right before she could
revoke the niceties
she tried to lend 
to me
I snatched them 
for keeps
and ran as far as I could go
not that far, it seems
our circles rubbing 
Edges still

oh the game of the
narcissist
round and round
try to escape but
hit the ground

Okay I’m still not 
entirely grateful 
she told some she fired me
when I would have preferred
they heard tales of 
my bravery in 
facing the beast
feeling fire’s breath
and walking away head held high
And by choice

oh the game of the
narcissist
round and round
liar liar
hit the ground

Yet once more
to appreciate
the actions of before
the kind cruelty
she bestowed
truly empowering and emboldening
and my compassion ever
growing for beings
like her
For their need is greatest

oh the game of the
narcissist
round and round
eventually they
hit the ground

Anyone who has suffered
at the hands of 
a narcissist
should understand
its great benefits