How many times can I be
ripped open and restuffed
before the fabric can’t be resewn
before there is no thread to stitch
before I can’t be mended
How many times can a friendship break
before it must be ended
Tag: delusions
Categories
Curious Undertaking
They say curiosity killed the cat
and satisfaction brought her back
but in samsara’s spoiled waters
I find only ill departers
it’s hardly satisfying
when everyone I love is dying
I see sickness in all migrators
who swim wantonly with alligators
breaking open hearts and seals
contemplating Sinbad’s deal
excusing whorish proffers
while taking what’s not offered
to indulge each selfish desire
to enjoy the heat of temporary fire
turning quickly to ember, burning out
leaving grey ashes of deluded doubt
How can I help all beings
with such ailments of the mind
with intense hedonistic attachment
to each sensory pleasure, illusory yet defined
each one appearing solid, concrete
while in actuality like a dream from mind
produced from empty-like space
contaminated matter is all I find
I must vomit out this poison and
grow virtuous roots, from seeds purified
To help nurture this new garden
of joyful, chaste, and pure delights
to replace increasing darkness
with pure increasing Dharma light
I visualize taking from all migrators,
their poison, like charcoal smoke
the delusions leave their bodies
arising unobstructed from all folk
all suffering, ill intent, all harmful desires
billow like black clouds from raging forest fires
flow, now fly, to my subtle mind, my heart
and are destroyed completely at the inner drop
annihilating my self-cherishing and my self-grasping
now I give pure, boundless love and compassion,
and I too receive this medicinal nectar
all beings enjoy happiness, everlasting
and I become a pure preceptor
sympathy is
I see your suffering, and I relate
empathy is
I see your suffering, and I wish to relate
compassion is
I see your suffering and I wish you to be free from it
bodhichitta is
I cannot bear to see your suffering, so I will become enlightened to free you from it
Most of what we speak & seek
is causes for – and sympathy;
but how much better would life be,
if we abandoned victim mentality?
Why is sorrow such a strange addiction,
so familiar to my mind?
I cannot be free from misery;
it’s all I’ve known and all I’ll find!
— such an easy thing to cry
believing escape from suffering a lie
unknowing there’s a firm way out
for those with patient, faithful eyes,
for those who abandon deluded doubt
— What imagination is this!
what strength it takes to change one’s sight
no material quest could yield such result
for in samsara one cannot do right
— What can one do!
rely upon blessings & elevate intention
remain natural while wishing to help; think:
Oh! What would it really be like
to be happy and kind spontaneously
to face all problems with joyful mind
with strength and courage to defeat all foes
while maintaining love and compassion, I’ll find
it easy for blessings to arise, received and bestowed
I’ll help all living beings with ease and with grace
I’ll abandon delusion, because fearless I face
the appearances that rise and fall –
hallucinations, like dreams –
understanding reality, from mind,
is never as seems
because I’m grasping, anxious, clinging
my stories are hard to let go
I should instead rewrite myself the hero
great responsibility mine, undeniably so
How could I cope with this level of fame?
in anonymity, no one knowing my name
in correct paths I follow
but I must impute
I’m no longer a victim, no longer the brute
seeing myself the lowest of all,
through infinite timelines, I recall
the artist’s drive to wield the sword
settling instead for
ink seldom seen and music sometimes heard
limited proud intention
to right the wrongs and mend men’s minds
still what more can I do but mimic
in appreciation of writers of Blake’s kind
I render copied letter into copied word
Tyger, Tyger burning bright
surprised to find you here tonight
easy confidence, phat face
curly locks, so out of place
twinkle, twinkle, of thyne eye
what is your fearful symmetry?
absent, as one pupil enlarged
brightly burning in furnace forged
what is they breath? thy breast? thy might?
so like a woman in the night!
odd & absent-minded maid
back to cold burner, you do fade
he speaks to her with bleary eye
long-winded and past-wounded
he longs for sympathy, to cry
nearly, he is refusèd
she listens with a weary ear
she’s heard it all before
her heart is hardened, scarred by fear
his hurt she can ignore
what good is sympathy to folks
with pain and broken heart
it is compassion that fixes our flaws
so simple is our part
from compassion comes love
and it’s easy to flourish
exchange self with others
with a quick change of intention
to complete all actions with ease
we develop bodhichitta motivation
with familiarity come all habits
spontaneous, effortless
removing delusions from our mind
we soon derive meaning
from the very thing that was,
from our side, meaningless
develop and meditate upon
correct intention
pray for wisdom
sympathy is
I see your suffering, and I relate
empathy is
I see your suffering, and I wish to relate
compassion is
I see your suffering and I wish you to be free from it
bodhichitta is
I cannot bear to see your suffering, so I will become enlightened to free you from it
Categories
Impermanence
from happy to sad
so quickly
it never lasts
it never lasts
it never lasts
Categories
Ordinary Existence
I hate this lifetime
she says
With all the instructions
and all the conditions?
Why?
How could you hate such fortune?
Because all the people
I have ever known,
ever loved
in all my lives
have forgotten me
Not only
do they not remember
our love, shared, our words
our bonds …
they are all sick, wounded, dying
this vision becomes a nightmare
threatens lives I care about
makes me hate my own
and then I see
I am the maker and destroyer
but never more a life-enjoyer
— at least not this life anyway
this one with pain that’s here to stay
because that is samsara’s way
first it gives and then it takes
breath, floods, fires, earthquakes,
fortune, time, fame, mistakes, and
breath
It all comes rushing in and then
it goes
Absent is the gentle flow,
of another life
one in which I failed
one where I succumbed to strife
for otherwise this appearance
wouldn’t be
(couldn’t be)
So which delusion can I blame
for producing this life, this name
I happily give up for happiness
a wisdom realizing emptiness
I’m tired of grief’s game
set me free!
While with wisdom, I reflect,
I find… I hate this lifetime
all the same
but despite its constant pain
not a moment spent in vain
I will escape
I see
an osprey kick a gull in the head
& catch a fish
this morning
emerge compassion
for attachment
killing
though thought rare sight
— such common poison!
emptiness
a play of light
arises before me
due to mind
it’s only mind
I must endure
just one more day —
time to love & time to play
I must endure this suffering
for I have caused it
that I see
these imprints strong
self-grasping me
like clouds appear
in a summer sky
seeming so blue
in my sense’s eye
and clouds so white
appear to dance
changing shape
and circumstance
with one another
scenes create
a turkey vulture roosts
while whales tempt fate
to swim so high
up in the sky
it almost makes me
question why
I feel that I can wait
to truly escape
this earthly suffering
finding no one here
who is happier than me
finding no couple who’s truly at peace
seeing no being that moves with ease
observing not one who can work together
without hatred, attachment, greed
should I give up? — No!
I’ll change my aspiration instead
I aspire to be truly happy, a pure example
& although I wish for another by my side
one who would face the changing tide,
I know in another I cannot seek
any joy or peace to be —
for it all must come from me
& although I strive to give & give
in humanness, I can’t let go
of my own unfulfilled hunny-do list —
this deluded partner, lazy, low —
by whose esteem I now accomplish
many of my deeds — instead of
saving for me, a pure aspiration
— enlightenment for all, equally
& although a man in measure
may grant me earthly pleasure
there’s not a time I can recall
unmixed with poison from the fall
an apple sweet, an apple tart
both eventually rot & fall apart
never singular, & still
each wish we’d like it to fulfill
the flavourful & wellness start
healthy gut, balanced, body art
this world is crazy, bizarre, insane —
& if I believe I can lay the blame
with anyone else,
I’ve already failed
so instead I vow to see, in each & every irony
a new teaching, a blessing, gift
in each disturbance, every rift
a chance to see things appear to fall apart
never once one thing
except in name
and with delusions I lay all blame
self-cherishing, self-grasped —
in dependence, same
I am so tired of samsara’s games
I quit
on to Enlightenment, charging forth
with Dharma’s wealth
I’m collecting merit for good health
for long, long years in which to help
all beings do the same
to happiness, I now lay claim
watching the gulls upon the bend
leaves me with these words to send
to you
thank you for your time,
and love, and coming to this place
may your mind be ever blessed
with peace & happiness
Categories
Consistently Mistaken
I thought when I received, I would be grateful.
I wasn’t.
I thought to be pursued would be fun, a real romp.
It wasn’t.
I thought to be beheld as beautiful could give me confidence, know my beauty.
It didn’t.
I thought to be loved to could open my heart, make me love.
It couldn’t.
I thought when tested, I would pass.
I didn’t.
“We will only engage in pure spiritual practice if we have definitely understood that we have a precious human life and we have to use it now. We can die today. It’s possible.”
Gen-la Kunsang, Kadampa Podcast
I am an ocean of wanting
I am discontent
How dissatisfied I feel
with samsara’s gifts
Prison-barred burdens’
more like it!
Now, I have the instructions
for escape
Yet I cling, I grasp
at less than straws
Mere suffering ensnares
it claws
I should let go, I think
I know
And still,
I let my desire grow
I will never convince you
I have abandoned my madness
As long as you are shrouded in yours
You will not, cannot see
past your veil of ignorance
to what I’ve now become
But every day, with purest love
I wish only everlasting peace
and happiness upon you
Who will love me?
When I am apart from this world
When I stand alone, refusing to be
wrecked by a cellphone superglued to my senses,
application addiction gone awry
When I refuse to partake in modern convention
preferring soft and spiky summer grass between my toes,
humidity sucking sweat to the surface of my skin,
lying upon rocks under thick air,
thick branches bearing bright green canopies,
thousands of thirsty leaves, some yellow and release
reminders that this moment is temporary,
and the Fall will come
Who will love me then?
When I bake appled pies and over-romanticize
the long shadows of autumned evening walks
my season of spiders, ripping through webs
strung out over trails,
boasting my bravery – no more fear of fine-legged friends
just as precious a life, so I give love
I give compassion, knowing these virtues are
given not taken, the cause of the effect,
happiness
Why, then, do I ask for love?
Believing the grasping, the craving
its fulfilment will make me whole, and I
will never want again –
a lie
like salt water quenching thirst
impossible
and possibility
still believed
Who will love me when I am
under a spell of such insanity?
And who will guide me out of this suffering?
Permanently?
The Halfwit Writer 