from happy to sad
so quickly
it never lasts
it never lasts
it never lasts
Categories
Impermanence
Tag: depression
Categories
Spring Renewal, an endless cycle
I can feel time slowly slipping through my fingers
frictionless to hold a second for a second moment
before falling through the ether into near nothingness
imprinted on continuum
a seed carried life to life
until conditions are right
to ripen the fruit on an unsuspecting self
— I am sorry
But how can it be helped?
I cannot squeeze this self into another
instead I chip away at delusions
from the inside out
destroying deluded doubt
and always at play
never a day spent away from refuge
and still I fight a deluge
of intense suffering
always threatening
to drown a silly me
how can it be
at war with three
extract My poisons, please!
Oh doctor of holy medicine,
I am a sick being
full of rotten feeling
still misunderstanding compassion
still giving with miserly ration
still confused at apparent separation
what can I do
I sit and contemplate emptiness
I feel like less and less
I can impress others
I merely offend
with no ability to comprehend
how meaningless it all is
without a pure intention
to worry about such brief condition
when I could be creating
a beautiful future feeling
and care for other instead
please, mend my broken head
Please, mend my broken heart
so that I may finally start
to love, to give happiness
and understand what comes does part
although appearing, no longer relating
to mistaken imputation
and while all expectations break
and friends do talk and fuck and fake
until the joy becomes real
and pain is permanently healed
may my pure virtue be revealed
through blessings be shared
and eventually may I care
only for other, selflessly
give me such pure appearance
so with happiness, I’ll dance
and, just perhaps,
give pure love chance after chance
Categories
loathsome whispers
the voices whisper
people loathe you
the voices snicker
alone alone alone
a false chant
separate separate separate
a real deluded rant
awful awful awful
in four-four time, or sometimes three
you can’t count anymore!
I used to play the violin
and you can’t read anymore!
the voices tell half-truths
and you believe us!
the voices are half-believed, half-won already
you’ve lost, give up
a nasty thought, a remorseful tale
we are the guards!
I’d rather be the hammer than the nail
your mind’s in jail!
I’d plan escape, but where to run
we’re just beginning our fun!
for the mind will follow, as shadows after the sun
stop with the rhymes, already!
the voices whisper
people loathe you
the voices snicker
alone alone alone
a false chant
separate separate separate
a real deluded rant
fearful fearful fearful
with the ability to abandon
no no no!
I expel the poison, the voices
so long good bye adieu
and freedom pursue
footnote: if you’re going through hell, keep going
footnote 2: to love, to cherish, to be patient, to be kind, to be virtuous, to remember all is mind, this will get you through
the tedium of days
with their fits and starts
a haunting melody
lacking rhythm
lacking rhyme
a humdrum routine
safe, content, but lacking life
Where is the life?!
excuse me, for every so often
I must exclaim
there’s something pent up —
they call it rage?
desperate yearning?
I can’t explain!
but it has to come out!
how much can I take?
(thankfully art is a good outlet)
now my prayer be heard by all
I just want to meet a happy person!
doesn’t have to be particularly
handsome or tall
(not that that’s not nice)
never mind lover! maybe friend?
it’s a very very mad world
and the time for being particular is near
end
but we’re not there yet!
how about a little happiness?
I’m not some joker
‘put-a-smile-on’-quack
just a halfwit out of whack
who to some could be a little woker
(not gonna happen
you’ll never guess why)
so with all that exclaimed and said
I must admit what I want instead
is to keep my queen-sized empty bed
and lose the roommate I’m lucky to stand
but would much rather be alone each night
I am never so lonely – I’m always alright but
mixing the mind
with the depressed masses
has brought invisible clouds
to winter’s false sunny days
lacking warmth
lacking love
it’s that time of year
hawks swoop and call up above
while this nest remains cluttered
with dog fur of all things, poison
what can I do but wait and pray?
what can I do but appreciate
these lucky opportunities for easy practice
things were once difficult
and could be hard again
so upon which minds will you depend?
(I hope the happy ones!!)
if the days grow long and tedious
simply rejoice and practice
there’s never need for sorrow, tears
when refuge in Dharma abounds
once more, rejoice!
let the ring go
those who know will know
let go
let joy arise
(Note: read best aloud in James Donald Forbes McCann‘s accent & cadence – sorry if that’s appropriation)
tonight,
a bird without song
landed on my chest
heavy
a big bird
maybe a childhood wound
yellowed, tarred, and feathered with age
the point is,
there was no song!
let’s not get caught up in the details
I’m sad!!!!
and still,
it’s all a dream
it’s just a dream
& I dream I am free
I’m happy!!
Categories
Addicted to the melodrama
In my heart of hearts
I know
I know
what happiness is
I feel it exists
I know where it is to be found
under the bones, beneath the ribcage,
sub atomic the heart, in the subtle
in the very subtle mind
I know where all is found, created
produced phenomena
mistaken, mistaken
still mistaken
so there’s the rub
the grasp for external things
produced from an internal space
perceived from a point
moving through time and space
but a point, a personality nonetheless
— non-existent so to speak
yet hard to see (until it’s not)
and it’s the rub that’s missed
the feeling, the touch,
the understood cause
of pleasure, pain
the smack, the beating
and don’t get me started on the aural
— tongue lashings
to teach you tough lessons
What the fuck, right?
do you ever forget that people are real?
do you treat them too much like the dream characters you know they are?
can you feel – or is there a shelf in the way?
will someone please un-install the shelf!?
I think it can be recycled.
donate it. Please, help me.
the ledge is the safest place to be
if it perpetuates such refuge practice
but I don’t want to be there anymore
where do I want to be?
have I done the work, made the effort
that must render the results
effects I’ve created mindfully (somehow)
and somehow I’ll do it again
((blessings))
but oh! how I could do without
the melodramatic feeling!
the melancholy that arises,
such ache!
as if I am on the verge of losing
My Attachment
balancing
the moment, a magic moment
while seeing the potential – certain!
decease, death of these magic moments
no phenomena exists in the same way
for a second moment
care to think about that?
the certainty of change
still surprises you; cry about it
mourn the wisdom you missed
but receive what’s given to you
now — and why not happily?
you’ve got this
after all, you’ve got the lines —
just practice them
as an actor, rehearse rehearse
perchance to entertain… to fail…
to fly
imagination is all you need
to reach the end of the path
transform the melodrama
enjoy each step as you walk it
What the fuck, right?
The Halfwit Writer 