she was looking for love in all the wrong places lighting a cigarette outside the empty bar buys her own drinks what’s she waiting for? Enlightenment? she trots off into the night, dragging her smoke-ring-halo absent lamp light, fog rimmed starlit trails observed by her full moon gaze – but does she exist without witness? she was looking for love eyes wide shut snaked-eyed-luck coffee breath and memories of last year’s shitty fuck did I cum? skating down an icy street pleasantly, legally high wishing to die she escapes on by narrowly avoiding being struck ignores the honks oversized jacket, wonky look she reaches inside for her last dart it falls from shakey fingers, on ice, wet, breaking and if that isn’t the straw as she falls to her knees and pleads with the dream, — her own mind of course — please release me wake up wake up
It laps my shore I lick it up, moistened soft and damp left yearning unoiled lamp left polished but wanting wear
I’m earthen –yet rarely feet have trodden here while I walk the substrate bare- footed, rare to see another with the will to exhaust such karma there– upon my earth travellers now fear such dirt and toxins leached have run amuck now gotten stuck upon my shores where you wish to lap me up
I do not trust I will not harm the beings near and you, my dear
I stretch my eye to the edge of the horizon — trying to find where water ends and sky begins unaware I’m standing in that ether now my waist deep wading transcends liminal space and I no longer seek to stretch my sightless senses far but rather remain to feel the space around
I look up and down and see that in the sky, reflected back, a different sea, a cloud soaring condensation ready to transform at any moment, dark and massive holding deceptive weight threatening to rise the tides and drown us all
I don’t trust the water
— — — — —
I am of the air
I do not trust the fire
I love it, though, and how alluring it dances and matches my rhymic fancies alighting neither here nor there
like spark to ash rising into the night up to the stars –suddenly dying, vanishing and descending silently — crying and proclaiming that life’s not fair
the fire burns me up its heat draws me in as if an answer to the ice around my heart as if it could possibly melt lifetimes of anger turned sorrow to rock how I wished the fiery heat-of-passion- spawned aggression was the answer crystal clear — yet the delusion’s not so before I’m eaten up I make like a deer and run
I do not trust the fire
— — — — —
I am of the light
I do not trust the space my depth perception’s off my conception’s out of place I do not trust the time the way it moves so slow to the uncomprehending mind that dims my afterglow
I don’t like the space between us as messages get lost, and when you’re seeing me as separate with problems you are fraught I see emptiness before me yet mistakenly, I know naming ordinary appearance where boundless magic grows
I do not like refraction how it contaminates my rays I am pure light I feel it yet space eliminates & constrains — though I am the brilliant being
I don’t trust the space
— — — — —
I am of deep ignorance
or else I would escape this elemental game — this cyclical existence in which I’m continuously betrayed by each and all delusions that gather round my head and constrict my heart’s pace so I can barely catch my breath it’s time to let this go into the water I will drown them & with the current let them flow
The Halfwit Writer 