Tag: feeling

Categories
Poetry

mistaken identity

I’m sorry
     have we met before?
you say you know me?
     I don’t think so

I don’t remember your face
     I don’t remember your feel
and though you seem congenial enough
     I can’t be sure the emphasis isn’t on con

for you act like you know me
     I can assure you, you do not
you talk like I can read your mind
     I assure you I cannot
you walk like I know you
     I assure you I forgot
you look in my eyes and I think you try
     to put a thought in my head
          but my soul is dead
               and I’m filled with dread
                    amongst this bread
               it’s crummy really
          but I can’t!

     I cannot read your thoughts
I know not how you feel
     I feel not what you know
I hear not what you sow
     I quietly mind my own business
so how surprised am I
     when I see a glint in your eye
as if responding to mine
     as if I should try!
                             try what?
I cannot try any harder
     I can’t try anymore!

          I feel as though I’m nerve-wracked
and body-wrecked upon unknown shore
               I never knew another soul existed
and I wouldn’t, couldn’t trust one here
     so excuse me, though you have insisted
I don’t think we’ve before been near
          and though I find it’s hard resisted
     I don’t think we’ll love sincere

though I bet your touch starts fire
     and somehow sets my heart aflame
I hope I lose this damn desire
     for you’re a stranger, only friend in claim
so I must say, I’m sorry sir
     I haven’t got the time
though by some you’re called master
     it’s your imagination, not mine
I wish I knew a bit more, boy
     like who you think I am
I wish I knew your mind, man
     there’s no mistake I’d be a fan
though you’ve mistaken my identity
     mistook me for somebody else
I became curious, intrigued
     fuck it all! it can’t be helped

Categories
Poetry Video

Coming Back Together

Once upon a time
I had another life
I had another job
I was to be a wife
and when the whole damn world
thought to come crashing down
I put on my big girl pants
and turned up my music loud
so this other life dissolved
and that job did disappear
the man was just a con
so I faced the loneliness I feared
what a gift that was
because it led me to this place
where the feeling is familiar
though I’ve met a different face
I thought I’d lost the rhythm
I thought I’d lost the rhyme
but I’ve found the dance again
will you help me keep the time?
I just can’t fight this feeling
I just don’t have the will
you stirred the past in me
and ignited the music’s thrill
and though the past’s behind
and the future’s quite unclear
one thing is for certain
I’m letting go of this damn fear

I recorded the poem Come Together (2021) – check it out on Youtube now, or revisit the original post to read along.

Categories
Dreams Poetry

Needs to be Nothing

I need this to be nothing
I need this nothing now
I don’t need this to be anything
It doesn’t make sense anyhow

I need there to be silence
But I want there to be song
I need to not crave violence
But I want to scream along

I need this to be nothing
I need this feeling gone
I need this craving disappear
I know I’m always wrong

I thought to just ignore it
But it just won’t go away
I thought I could just kill it
But it thinks it can just stay

I need this to be nothing
Last time I will repeat
My heart will not survive
Another daring feat

I’m contemplating moving
I think I’ll up and flee
I’ll quit my job and join the force
And think of more than me —

But then I think it’s more than nothing
And get starting to believe
My heart might just survive this
— oh how I’m so naive!

So I need this to be nothing
So I can just move on
If only a new crush was found easily
I could make the feeling gone

NEW!
Listen to the poem on Youtube

Categories
Poetry

Wish for Wisdom

(alternative title: fucking begging for it)

             I want to cry
how is it possible
             once again
to become an emotional wreck
     of titanic proportions
          at least still safely submerged
too sensitive
        so overly sensitive!

Please!
     Take the sensitivity away!

Sensory overload
          at the slightest touch
and now  — my imagination!
                     runs wildly & in wild ways
        away
I’m a wreck
characters swarm my mind
barking at me
to write them down
and I cannot find my pen
where has it gone?
again!?

I cannot be barked at
       any longer!
It doesn’t make me
       any stronger!

I try and try
       to not yearn to hear
words of kind sincerity
       but again,
like salt water to quench my thirst
       a taste and I am thirstier!
       a taste and I need more!

Tell me I’m good
Tell me I’m GOOD
TELL me I’m good
Tell me I’M good
Tell ME I’m good

Am I good?

    and even if you tell me
    it doesn’t matter like it should!

because it’s my mind
that’s not good enough

to see reality clearly
to see past the real lies
deceptive tears, I moan, he cries
and I want him to pay dearly
but it’s that very fucked up mind
that wishes to take from others
in a selfish way,
        to have others pay
                    for my debts owed –

No! No longer!

Although I cannot crucify myself
I can rectify by patiently accepting
while my inner voice still screams
           I wish I was invisible
           unknowable as I must be,
still the outer quiet spoke volumes
and the sound of silence resonates
reverberates off the walls
as darkness consumes
a single lamp put out
a black night falls
           I was not as patient as I could
     be I was not as kind as I would
like others to do unto me

A little dramatic, yes
(I wish I wasn’t so dramatic)
                     but nonetheless
it’s an artist’s reflection I see

                        Carry on

It’s not temporary happiness I crave
but full abandonment
of these unacceptable delusions
and the permanent happiness
resulting from the stainless mind
that realizes emptiness directly

                        Please!

Make my mind good

Categories
Poetry

Lost Life Loss

                         a memory

it is not mine

                      upon a log I sit

           ‘neath the snowy pine

under darkened sky

                      beside earthen stove

           a bitter wind kicks up

in the moonlit grove

                      the jingle of the horse & sleigh

           as it carries him so far away

I cannot weep, I do not cry

                      a muted heart is breaking

           and as the silence lies

a frozen bough is snapping – loud

                      to crack the quiet

           still, expected in the freeze

I do not startle, there is no breeze

         no wind at back to impel me

                      my bones have stiffened here

           my mind is anything but clear

as the winter’s solitude

                      forces delusions rather rude

           inner quietude never did follow outer

now it’s simply easier to hear

                      internal screaming

         though the fire burns, continuous

it takes us not

                        because it cannot reach

         what we refuse we got

         buried below

                        alive and dead

         some peace & love

                                     blessings bestowed

how are these all stripped from me?

         as he plods on down the snowy path

                  I know he won’t be coming back

         so I’m wrecked to watch him leave

though it is not my memory

Categories
Poetry

Kinda feels like “going”

It always ends

     like a Robert Frost poem

he speaks
     in a language she does not understand

she tries,
     but he is wizened, suspicious

     innocence has no place on a tired vine
bird shit scattered over the fields

wash your produce, she says
           and he takes it all wrong
                   “What’s she on about now
                 I’m tired of it”

            he’s cracking, she’s cracked

yes, when we resign our wills
         to others,
                          when we bend

we believe we will not break
       until the ripping point is reached

will another aimless traveler
                    risk his life to rescue    me

or shall I unravel the web
              I’m caught in
      and escape myself

after all,
          there is no independent existence

Categories
Firescape Fridays Poetry questions

For Later | FF 20

I have placed upon the shelf
                                   the feeling

                         for later

it’s insecure
                     incorrectly placed
       never found the stud

I don’t know why such a weightless gift
             should appear so heavy

it will likely fall
           not the for the first time glass
           has shattered
                     infinite and
                        finite sharp crystal gems

           allowed to cut again
                  weapons cast upon the floor

because I was afraid,
                I guess

why else

was such a lovely
                              feeling
        shelfed?

Categories
questions

Question 2

Where does it come from and how does it move through you?

06.29.20