Tag: grief

Poetry

confusing conditions

built to be broken
& cracked down to dust
born to be suffered
     offend and break trust
invented to abscond
tried to be trashed
   told to fuck off
     & thrashed for a laugh
samsara’s play buckles
          pulls out all the stops
the audience participation
          wallops a good punch

nonsense and dream world
collide innocent
how do awful things ripen?
can we prevent one torment?

it hurts so we harden
it pricks so we hack
               all beauty to pieces
        even though it doesn’t last
                                     on its own

what pride can be held
    in accomplishing the same
        as time does with no effort
              robbing us of each name
revenge becomes pointless
    as our hearts become stone
I press, we must realize our mind
‘cause I can’t take this pain
                   all apparent losses
    grief felt again and again

all relationships tarnish
      all chaos lets loose
I thought this time was different
      and so volunteered for the noose
but from this redundant perspective
      it’s so easy to see
I was built to be broken
    & caged to be freed

Tags broken, creative writing, feeling, friendship, grief, healing, karma, loss, love, mental illness, pain, poem, Poetry, reality, samsara, schizophrenia, spontaneous feeling

Poetry

Lost Life Loss

a memory

it is not mine

upon a log I sit

‘neath the snowy pine

under darkened sky

beside earthen stove

a bitter wind kicks up

in the moonlit grove

the jingle of the horse & sleigh

as it carries him so far away

I cannot weep, I do not cry

a muted heart is breaking

and as the silence lies

a frozen bough is snapping – loud

to crack the quiet

still, expected in the freeze

I do not startle, there is no breeze

no wind at back to impel me

my bones have stiffened here

my mind is anything but clear

as the winter’s solitude

forces delusions rather rude

inner quietude never did follow outer

now it’s simply easier to hear

internal screaming

though the fire burns, continuous

it takes us not

because it cannot reach

what we refuse we got

buried below

alive and dead

some peace & love

blessings bestowed

how are these all stripped from me?

as he plods on down the snowy path

I know he won’t be coming back

so I’m wrecked to watch him leave

though it is not my memory

Tags art, attachment, books, creative writing, death, emotion, feeling, grief, karma, loss, Photography, poem, Poetry, robert frost, snowy path, sorrow, winter, writing

Poetry Thirsty Thursday

Thirsty Thursday | Why be sad?

Post author By K. Samways
Post date September 8, 2022
1 Comment on Thirsty Thursday | Why be sad?

Why feel misunderstood,
when there is someone to understand you?

Why feel empty,
when there is someone to fill you up?

Why feel left out,
when you could feel included?

Why feel unappreciated,
when you could feel respected and admired?

Why be hard on yourself,
when you could be soft on someone else?

Why be grounded,
when you could be a lucid dreamer?

Why live a dull existence,
when life can be fantastically magical?

Why manipulate,
when you can flirt and persuade?

Why remain ignorant,
when there is someone from whom to receive wisdom?

Why feel lonely,
when there is no separation?

Why feel grief,
when love never ends?

Tags creative writing, grief, life, Philosophy, poem, Poetry, sadness, Thirsty Thursday, why?

Poetry Saturday Expressions

Lost harvest | Session 10

Post author By K. Samways
Post date August 27, 2022
No Comments on Lost harvest | Session 10

The fruit on our vine has withered
I long to cut it down, but something stops me

I feel you lurking, breathing on my neck,
wishing I hated that
now unpleasant sensation

You keep appearing to me as a vision
          at my window, at work,
across the road, getting gas or
                                      exploring knee-high weeds,
                             observing afternoon-hot walls

Summer stinks of memories, snorkeling,
the big bug ID book, hidden peacocked notes

Hot days soothed with cold water and
indulgences rare opportunities afford

Not appreciated and never found again

I couldn’t stand to be with you now,
experiencing anew the arrows of your delusions

So why do I crave you at all? Am I so plagued with
inappropriate attention and my own maras?

Cutting the wizened fruit, so something
new can grow, still seems undoable

With a heart full of love, wishing for non-
attachment, I observe

You’re hard to let go.

Tags creative writing, death, ending, grief, healing, loss, poem, Poetry, relationship, Saturday Expressions, Session 9

Poetry Thirsty Thursday

Thirsty Thursday | The Heat

Post author By K. Samways
Post date August 25, 2022
No Comments on Thirsty Thursday | The Heat

Is only intolerable in the city

In the country it is relished
Under the shade of friends
Oak, sycamore and cedar

(If only I could be near her)

The heat
Is only intolerable
In the skyscraped city

Though sometimes pretty
Reflecting sunlight and cloud
Against brilliant glass backdrops

The perfect selfie studio
Good cell reception
Radiating from magnetic towers

(I still smell her flowers)

In the forest it is relished,
And we see life grow,
Hiking through heavy fragrance
just hanging
                                          in the air
Without a care, afternoons
                                          permeated with water breaks
we didn’t all die from
   the heat
                                          but there were other dangers

(The loss is difficult to bear)

The heat is
only intolerable
in the city

Where it clings to and delivers
Dumpster smells, sidewalk-fried vomit
Makes that much more objectionable
The masturbation in the subway
And the skin-pressed embrace of the public transit stranger
or do we see that anymore?

It has us hidden away in homes,
And air conditioned cafes
Appearing separate and unhappy
though we suffer sweaty swamp-ass
just the same – begging for marketers
to quench our summer-thirst,
cool?

(Missing mindfulness, I am the fool)

By the lakeside, the heat is relished
Finally the sun forgives bathers,
Bestowing hot sand and tanlines,
Quick dry towels and the joy of popsicles
Everything cold is that much more enjoyed,
Pleasure derived from sticky drippings
Freezies, creamsicles, ice cream cones –
Eleven dollar lemonade is for the city-sufferers

(Again, I would suffer her)

The heat is only intolerable in the city
without natural escape
Less those that die, burdened by
The thick, hot weight of smoggy air
Suffocating dwellers here
Folks willing to pay anything for different external conditions
Desperate to escape
                 to another’s arms, bearing summer’s dawn
to a heat that’s loved, cherished in evening’s temperate shadow
                                               cast long over the fire pit, as memories
                                    toasting marshmallows late into the night
Sleeping under the stars,
                                waking in the dew

(A fire still burns for you)

A little playlist for when life gets too hot and hard to bear

Tags city living, country living, desire, fire, grief, loss, love, observation, summer, The Heat, Thirsty Thursday

Poetry Saturday Expressions

The world tears open | Session 9

Post author By K. Samways
Post date August 20, 2022
No Comments on The world tears open | Session 9

Today, the world is tearing open

Everyone I know is crying
women, men
this is what our anger becomes
when our fire runs out and
we realize what we’ve done

This is how we bare our souls
with honest feeling
in safety
why should we alone endure our gief?

In the fray, the pages rend –
this time not my hand to blame –
yet the rip reveals remembrance
that recollection cannot heal

Bearing loss, the heartache felt
heavy as a pack
carried uphill over many days
heavier now,
as if weight was added still

Sorrow, the melancholy blues
I haven’t felt you in a while
and here you are anew

We may wallow in anguish, woe —
briefly — as we fall into
the cracks
as night chases the sun away
we can wish for tomorrow’s gift:
a day that destroys our dismay

permanently.