(Note: read best aloud in James Donald Forbes McCann‘s accent & cadence – sorry if that’s appropriation)
tonight,
a bird without song
landed on my chest
heavy
a big bird
maybe a childhood wound
yellowed, tarred, and feathered with age
the point is,
there was no song!
let’s not get caught up in the details
I’m sad!!!!
and still,
it’s all a dream
it’s just a dream
& I dream I am free
I’m happy!!
Recently, I had a thirsty dream
starring James Donald Forbes McCann
(let me tell you,
– it was nothing you could plan)
In this dream I complimented him
then surprisingly he me
(as in my poetry!)
Then, lo! I touched his arm
then surprisingly he mine
and beamingly he chimed:
It’s amazing, human touch,
for connection 😉
James! You’re married!
I replied
And then I woke up,
thirstier than before
for another man
Sorry, for using you,
James Donald Forbes McCann
Praying always for the success
of your catamaran plan! Ho!
(His last words)
I feel gooey inside
I mean more than usual
I think my insides are melting
something warm is happening in my heart
it’s making a bubble
something’s about to pop
this really doesn’t feel quite right
I think I’m rising from the inside out
the heat supposed to be external
but this is gutting me
tearing me apart
hot bit by bit expanding
and do you see this bulge here?
no! not my stomach!
hoo-hoo!!
don’t poke me at a time like this —
can’t you see I’m in pain?
oh! dire pain!
being wrenched apart
baked wrong side out
surely this isn’t in the directions —
can we trouble shoot?
something’s happening to my throat
the words aren’t
coming out good
no more
ooey gooey heart
hoo-hooo
Okay… so this isn’t the thirstiest. x.x but can you picture that it probably isn’t Mrs. Poppie Fresh Pillsbury Doughboy doing it for him. 😉
You might not need a tall glass of water, but perhaps a cold glass of milk and a hot, soft chocolate chip cookie would satisfy you.
written in 2013
Entice me with your words
pierce my walls with meanness
show me you have the power to break another person
yet you refuse.
Show me you have the willpower to stand up
and alone
have the ability to open your door
welcome a stranger
and trust they will not throttle you in your sleep.
Tease me with kisses and polite dialogue,
an intercouse of exchanged language
with kind innuendo but no
biting sting of
regretted words.
Demonstrate your strength
not in feats of power
but in exploits of courage,
the deed which you complete though
you know you’re licked before you start,
see it through.
Toss your speech with abandon
but not your ideas –
your ideals are by your heart
and you live not beside them
but by virtue of them
unto others
though they do not the same.
A vital man with an Achilles heel
I in turn choose not to sever,
a choice my own — as all my acts
are of my own volition.
For I have power too.
As you penetrate, I consume.
As you guffaw, I may also laugh.
As you devastate, I ruin.
As you toy, I play.
As you adore, I love.
I am passionate, above all else.
Prove you have a compulsion for life,
you choose endurance over death,
you have potential to be a
raft for those without
water-wings,
for my exigency for life
is almost extinguished.
Demonstrate a lust for adventure
that is comparable to my own
so we can rid ourselves
of this boredom, tedium,
this dullness, together.
You are a collaborator,
a fellow conspirator and colleague,
a fellow traveller on this quest,
upfront and honest,
sparing only of the sensitivity of others,
unless for a private laugh —
For laughter is god above all —
the ability to laugh at good and bad,
strong and weak,
not others, but ourselves,
in the dark and in the light,
a reason to go forth,
and conquer
not all,
but love.
Looking for a way to judge if your crush is worth upgrading? Looking for a way to analytically rule your heart with your mind? No?
I’m here to help anyway!
Throwback to one of my favourite shows, The League – good ol’ programming just not fit for today’s climate. (If you don’t know the show, look it up for reference):
In episode two of season four, Pete introduces his fantasy football draft “system” – then he explains how it applies to women too. Giving them plus or minuses for different attributes (ex. beauty +2; gets up early, big -1; already taken -2) to help him decide if he needs to …pick up a different player from the waiver wire.
When Pete finds out his old friend Sutton becomes single – ergo on the waiver wire – he decides to try and pick her up. She certainly has the attributes he’s looking for. Little does he know, Sutton has a system of her own – and Pete is running against Taco. Check out the episode. It’s great.
Inspired by this clearly flawless logic, I decided to make my own version of Pete’s system by designing the Ideal Lover Scoresheet – and then I decided to make it available to you! (If for a laugh 😉 )
Of course, this is an example scoresheet. Yours may look much, much different. For example, on mine I’ve added “likes Lord of the Rings” in the “Nice-to-Have” category (+2).
What are your must haves? Deal breakers? Share below!
Happy Twelve Days of Christmas! A Christmas Countdown featuring my Christmas favourites (plus pictures of my foster kittens).
I feel like it’s time to be honest and admit that my real true favourite most enjoyed Christmas song is… Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer.
I feel like this is a song even Scrooge can get behind. A reminder I love my grandmas, but I also love laughter, fun and not taking things so seriously.
This song is a a comedic sketch, humorous holiday storytelling. On a deeper level, perhaps it’s also a great reminder that we never know if today is our “last day” – after all, death is life’s only guarantee. With this somewhat Dharmic teaching, I’ll make my segue.
Bonus: 12 Days of Charity
Looking for a charitable organization to support this season?
Consider Samudra Buddhist Centre. I recommend signing up for beginner classes or click here to go to their donation collection platform. Through the practice of Buddhism, I have found an abundance of inner peace simply by learning and applying basic meditation techniques and contemplating virtuous objects (like love and compassion).
Studying over the last five years, I have cultivated faith through experimenting and observing. I am happy to share this wisdom with others and encourage them to sign up for general program classes to learn wonderful, practical and basic meditation techniques to enrich one’s life.
Here Grace and I are studying together:
Find my full Christmas Playlist on Spotify here.
Find my full Winter Playlist on Spotify here.
There was no way to foresee artistic talent in my future. But I think you can see the creativity.
And a love of purple I didn’t know I had for almost 20 years.
The Halfwit Writer