Untouched
and why
such disgust at
contagious negativity
gangrene and gross
debilitating degeneration
carnivorous and swift
progression is easy
unneeded consent
submit submit
and why
untouched except
with separate wash
still never away
she wept
and why
Know me,
choose to know me
and know that you are not alone
but I will not make you
less lonely
knowledge will not make you
less lonely
that always you will want
only to be
alone
Know me
see my sorrow
unpromised to a single cause
observe that
anchor-attached
I will drown
you will watch
as you are drowning
we are overwhelmed
alone
Know me
then choose to leave me
low and wet
high and dry
ecologically drained
and emotionally filled
venomous
— or is it toxic? —
she is both,
alone
Know me
do not.
do not learn.
a box better left lidded
monogrammed P
a sell-sword’s secret sealed
unabandoned, undone
better to un-know
better to be
alone
Know me.
Choose to know me.
Know that you are not alone,
but it does not matter
when self-cherishing strangles
the virtue that prompts
the mind that yearns
will cut off
compassion, love
and choose the self.
Alone.
I
throat has seized
and body lusts,
reach out to grasp
man built to thrust
yet nothing there
for me to reach
and absent trust
rendered release
I cannot help
but ask and plead,
what dread clasp
robbed me of peace?
II
such a force came over me
I could not name
I could not tame
without remorse
my mind possessed
cut him down
to see him bled
III
a piece of mind
it held me back
so his murder
I did not commit
but the urge arose,
as I now recall,
to myself hard to admit
the need for me to train my mind
before I face the nearing times
when all are tested
most will fail
as they trained their minds
to no avail
We live in the Unforgetting World
Unforgetting
You hear the word
you ask what it means
A man in a dress tells you it means
we never forget our attachments
What’s an attachment, you wonder
as your background in sales leads you to believe
it’s an item you attach to your primary sale
in essence, you should upsell three attachments
with each cell phone (case, cable, warranty)
There are no guarantees,
the man in the robes says
except that you won’t forget
your attachments
You learn:
Attachment is the mind that exaggerates
the positive qualities of an object
(attachment loves ignoring red flags)
attachment spins a deceitful fairy tale:
it claims the object is the source of your happiness
And we believe this tall tale
despite all contradicting evidence
we love to ignore evidence
when it does not corroborate our stories
You walk away
You begin to forget
what the wise man said
almost immediately
You think:
I am forgetting
I must live in the forgetting world
I have forgotten what I ate for breakfast
I have forgotten what I did yesterday
god only knows what I did last month
I only remember things I’ve labelled special
I only remember what I’ve done
in accordance with its repetition
When you ask me who I love,
I say friends and family
because they are familiar, and the answer
is engraved on our hearts over lifetimes, infinite
I have forgotten almost everything about my life
who I was, who I’ve been, the characters I’ve played
and the friends I used to have
All I have is the present
and if I think about what I can remember
at any given moment
it is my attachments
It seems it is the only thing
I can remember
Like some sick joke on our weak human minds
that a mental factor could purport such wicked lies
and how could we not remember that
we’ve fallen into such traps before!?
How can we keep forgetting
we are betrayed forevermore?
Until the cycle, the pattern ends
until disrupted, samsara bends
and finally breaks
You remember the man,
in the dress, in the robes
he gave you a liberating gift
an opportunity to see the truth
By seeing differently and remembering
I am ever unforgetting
The Unforgetting World (podcast)
I want to be
someone who loves you
with no demands
with no expectations
with no history of delusion
I want to be
the pure love always within you
yet still,
I cherish only myself
I want you to see me
I want you to love me
because of this
damned self-grasping
And then I laugh remembering
we is just a dream
I thought when I received, I would be grateful.
I wasn’t.
I thought to be pursued would be fun, a real romp.
It wasn’t.
I thought to be beheld as beautiful could give me confidence, know my beauty.
It didn’t.
I thought to be loved to could open my heart, make me love.
It couldn’t.
I thought when tested, I would pass.
I didn’t.
“We will only engage in pure spiritual practice if we have definitely understood that we have a precious human life and we have to use it now. We can die today. It’s possible.”
Gen-la Kunsang, Kadampa Podcast
I am an ocean of wanting
I am discontent
How dissatisfied I feel
with samsara’s gifts
Prison-barred burdens’
more like it!
Now, I have the instructions
for escape
Yet I cling, I grasp
at less than straws
Mere suffering ensnares
it claws
I should let go, I think
I know
And still,
I let my desire grow
Leaving the salt lamp low
I undress close to the open
window, watching the wind stir the trees
feeling the breeze on my skin,
Living on the edge of losing it all
pretending with non-attachment I won’t
care, at all – I love this type of faith
but still mine runs deeper than that
What illusion is this appearing to minds,
that makes material risk seem most perilous,
the highest stake. Meanwhile, everyone
puts their future on the line for a brief escape
regretted in the end, when such pleasures
almost always bring such pains
And still, deluded most times
I’m sure I would risk it all again,
If only to learn the swift lessons
needed for permanent escape, liberation
and if only for the benefit of others, complete
Enlightenment – the highest state
The greatest risk to reward benefit
of all, to all, for all.
The Halfwit Writer