To feel too deeply
and to be unable to feel
are my two greatest sufferings
and to grasp at the feelings
as inherently existent
my greatest ignorance, their source
Tag: pain
Categories
confusing conditions
built to be broken
& cracked down to dust
born to be suffered
offend and break trust
invented to abscond
tried to be trashed
told to fuck off
& thrashed for a laugh
samsara’s play buckles
pulls out all the stops
the audience participation
wallops a good punch
nonsense and dream world
collide innocent
how do awful things ripen?
can we prevent one torment?
it hurts so we harden
it pricks so we hack
all beauty to pieces
even though it doesn’t last
on its own
what pride can be held
in accomplishing the same
as time does with no effort
robbing us of each name
revenge becomes pointless
as our hearts become stone
I press, we must realize our mind
‘cause I can’t take this pain
all apparent losses
grief felt again and again
all relationships tarnish
all chaos lets loose
I thought this time was different
and so volunteered for the noose
but from this redundant perspective
it’s so easy to see
I was built to be broken
& caged to be freed
needle my heart
thread me with hurt
keep me just alive
feel the cold anger
turn to hot sorrow
as I fight to survive
pull back bitten nails
pin me with pain
and pleasure derive
it’s torturer’s art
to keep us apart
and this love deprive
It’s funny now to think
of all the things that bothered me
of all the pain and suffering
of all the time, temporary
of all the boredom and writing
(there was a lot of it)
of all the clouds that passed me by
of all the insults I let fly
of each and every teenage guy
that harassed me – pretty damn good
I gotta say
of all the humdrum slow sales days
of all the ones who got away
of all the patrons that did play
of all the couples, straight and gay
(had to use the rhyme)
of all the goddamn wasted time
of all the lemons and no lime
all of the coke, the hash, the crime
of getting the nickel not the dime
of all the puke, and dye and slime
of all the nights I spent awake
of all the pictures I did take
of all the muffins I did bake
of all the calmness I did fake
all for the goodness’ sake!
It’s funny now to think
that all that suffering
had its purpose and its place
carried me through this time and space
with a name I tried to lose, but stayed
with an identity that just won’t fade
with a childlike quality that wants to play
believing summer starts in May
wearing bare feet in the stream
ever remembering the dream
(I’d never lose the Buddhist theme)
for while it helps me to escape
it helps me to survive
it helps me to help others
it helps me to be kind
it helps me be of service
it helps me to be strong
it helps me to be happy
it helps me to get along
it helps me every when
it helps me every where
it helps me every how
it helps to simply care
and certainly, when we met
It was my summer reappeared
all the pain and suffering
all the heartache, all the tears
all the happiness, the joy
all the hope and possibility
all the sunshine and noise
all the soft tranquility
all the disappointment
all the vanity
all the goddamn fears
all the animosity
all the craving and the yearn
all the cash I couldn’t earn
all the parties and the crash
all the littered trash
how did these memories appear
dependent upon you?
how did all my hopes and dreams
dissolve in summer’s blue?
Categories
f*cked | Session 19
If I cannot have pleasure
free from all pain
while enjoying samsara’s treasure
I must be addicted to pleasure
and addicted to suffering
in absolute equal measure
I
throat has seized
and body lusts,
reach out to grasp
man built to thrust
yet nothing there
for me to reach
and absent trust
rendered release
I cannot help
but ask and plead,
what dread clasp
robbed me of peace?
II
such a force came over me
I could not name
I could not tame
without remorse
my mind possessed
cut him down
to see him bled
III
a piece of mind
it held me back
so his murder
I did not commit
but the urge arose,
as I now recall,
to myself hard to admit
the need for me to train my mind
before I face the nearing times
when all are tested
most will fail
as they trained their minds
to no avail
The Halfwit Writer 