personal thoughts – The Halfwit Writer

Late spring 2018

What you risk reveals what you value. — Jeanette Winterson

When one finds themselves in an unexpected or surreal place, I think it is normal to start reflecting on the events that led them to that point. We go back in time and wonder if we could have forecasted any or all of it. I think leaders, public speakers and the ilk do it often. They think back to being the shy kid in school who didn’t put themselves “out there” and then appear on stage as if it was an inherent gift.

I can’t help but reflect on the adventures that led me to lying on the rocks of Temiskaming Shores on a cold spring day in late May. My fingertips chilled as I type hastily into my phone. Pen scratches on sticky notes with ideas for a blog post, poem or book. If I don’t write it down now, it will be lost forever. Or so I think.

Everyone experiences their inspiration differently. I met an author the other day. We had a decent conversation, and I got the name of his book. I sold him a subscription to Microsoft Word. I do that now. Sell things to people. In a way, I always have – in retail and non profit. And perhaps I always will. Somehow never in order to or with the intention of actually making personal profit or gain.

When I reflect back to my “old life” in Niagara, I didn’t imagine myself here. I could imagine adventure and travel and I had hope for some kind of success. But I didn’t know how to bury my acorns and have something grow. I didn’t know I could make my dreams come true. I was cynically optimistic or optimistically cynical, and I didn’t think that real love or happiness was possible for me, would be possible for me.

When the impossible happens to you, when you experience a miracle or a have a dream come true, you believe that experience can be true for everyone.

They just have to work harder, believe in themselves, cut out pictures from magazines and post them on a board they look at every day. I’m not so sure. I think we can all manifest our desires and a type of happiness that can sustain us in this life. But it’s not so easy for everyone. Some of us are born with a four leaf clover stamped on our souls (or a lucky horseshoe up one’s ass, as a friend would say). And others must face each of life’s hardships, often over and over, even watching others do the same.

I’m one of the lucky ones. I love an unlucky one. Luck is non-transferable, I’ve learned. It’s not even inspiring. It can cause resentment. Sometimes luck is not fortune. Sometimes it is hard work. But when you were born and raised in survival mode, and you’ve gained the knack or XP for surviving, it looks like fortune. It can even feel like fortune. Sometimes it feels like you don’t deserve what you have, and when things are good that they shouldn’t be.

This life is hard to navigate. You need people that make it better. You learn from them and they instill in you their hope and values. Sometimes, perhaps more often than not, people teach what not to do and who not to be. I have a running list of what not to do and who not to be. I have been burned and scarred from those I once respected. I have been stabbed by those I never trusted, but they got close enough to leave their mark nonetheless. I constantly yearn for a mentor. Someone who can teach me something I do not already know. I am such a fast learner. But my path has been made slow with obstacles that I would not let myself move around. Oh the amazing lessons I’ve learned and the gifts I’ve received! But none are what I’ve asked for.

Isn’t that the point, though?

Whenever there has been a legal exemption or loophole whereby governing bodies can make wide use of humans to advance the grand motives of a nation as a whole, or just the ruling class, the advantage is taken with impunity.

Whether it has been to use widely available slaves to erect grand monuments and pyramids, later an accomplishment described as otherworldly (perhaps present laws forbid that level of inhumanity); whether it’s been to exterminate populations with reluctant or hearty support from people who were once deemed credible and rational (and who received this status of logic back when they had shown their fickleness in earnest, switching loyalties again); whether it has been to build a railroad across Canada with dispensable human labourers of particular descent; or whether it is to test new medicine that has never before been proven effective, causing injury and death to lab animals in recent public clinical trials before it was being widely developed for, then promoted and mandated to, the entire public.

Or perhaps, one can see the timeliness for needing a capitalist advantage when in pharmaceutics they were extremely close to a marketable mRNA vaccine but lacked proper funding to prove that it wouldn’t be harmful which, due to failure thus far, they didn’t have. Nor could they come up with a new motive for new widespread vaccination mandates without a devastating reason (and no alternative). Nothing could be better than a worldwide pandemic desperate for its own end than to allow for: mass funding, mass production, mass testing. (Hysteria, fear, environmental neglect, a grand distraction)

That is all fact thus far. The fact is that an advantage exists. How can that be denied? The factors are not the conspiracy theories; the answer behind the “WHY” is the conspiracy. And since we do not know, everything is theory.

For example, one theory is that it would be quite easy in a pharmaseutics lab to create or mutate a virus without having to disclose its existence to governing bodies or the public. The fact that mandatory publication of pharmaceutical projects and studies does not exist must support this theory. How easy would it be to release it? I read, in an article written in 2017, that Moderna was choosing not to publish its research but instead was keeping it “secret” promoting an air of secresy and competition – in a field that is now “benefiting” the entire world, that each individual in Canada is now being forced to submit to or be deemed irrational and unethical.

How can this be? How can pharmaceutics exist without a Hippocratic oath at its core? Without true values or virtue? How can they profit to such a degree and still be held free from liability? I have read that the government will give pay outs to those “injured” from the vaccine – a payout is not a restorative measure, it is mere compensation. How can money recover your lost livelihood or your very life? What’s more, this is taxpayer money, not funds siphoned from big pharma’s profit margin.

How can we pretend that “this” is the only option? “This” which we do not even have to speak by name, now that an entire globe can speak the same language of disease by action. Not in understanding of how things actually work. With no understanding of the spaces between. Simply a repeated consistent narrative driven by the largest, most successful and most expensive marketing scheme. A scheme so important that the dollars could not have been spent elsewhere – certainly not cleaning up our environment nor our minds – the birthplaces of all disease. How can a sick society invent its own cure and force everyone to take it – even though we know – scientifically repeatable – that no one solution or discourse has ever been appropriate to all people at one time?

What is the invisible force that all world leaders are now bending their knee to? What is this force that we are all being bent to? What alien invasion has so corrupted leadership when with impunity they can force everyone without exception to change the ecosystems of their bodies before an error has even occurred? What voice has banished the utterance of the word “experimentation”? For even without medicine, life is one big experimentation – how can we argue that? When we have no idea what is to unfold. Can anyone say what is about to unfold? Can anyone say honestly that he does not hold fear in his heart? Please, lead me to the fearless man, for he must have the answers. Yet, if he does not reveal them, I know there must exist some fear. For I am no one. Certainly no one to fear.

If you fear me or hate me at reading words on a page, words that constitute no part of my being, simply ask yourself this one question and investigate it fully without compromise: Why?

When we investigate the WHY of the pandemic, as in WHY did this virus hit so hard – the answer is not in the common thread of the virus- because everyone experienced the virus differently. The factors that made the virus more deadly in some and not in others was not that the virus had a spike protein…it was that the environment was polluted, some people were old, some young, some healthy, some sick, the most affected were already afflicted – mainly by age.

Improvement to things that we can control is being abandoned: commonalities of the polluted environments, lack of health care, poverty, heart conditions and existing disease, disadvantages that severely lessened a person’s chance at easy recovery from what could have been classified as this year’s cold.

If only we were looking to real preventative measures to stop such a thing arising again in a new form! But there is no task force looking into that… and so I will not be made to submit to a edict set out in economic laziness. My life is not an economy course, and taking a vaccine will not make me more productive.

If I am forced to submit to something so against my will and rationale, I fear it will not be long before I am lost to suicide or at least its fantasy as I long to untether myself – not just from a diseased world, but such a willfully ignorant one.

Look to the profiting powers playing their hand of distraction. See what devastation is coming should we take no action. Understand what real safety is and how none is actually offered to you or your family. Wake up and see the truth – or at the very least, see the lies.