Categories
Poetry

Spring Renewal, an endless cycle

I can feel time slowly slipping through my fingers
frictionless to hold a second for a second moment
before falling through the ether into near nothingness
imprinted on continuum
a seed carried life to life
until conditions are right
to ripen the fruit on an unsuspecting self
   — I am sorry

   But how can it be helped?
I cannot squeeze this self into another
instead I chip away at delusions
from the inside out
destroying deluded doubt
and always at play
never a day spent away from refuge
and still I fight a deluge
of intense suffering
always threatening
to drown a silly me
how can it be
at war with three
extract My poisons, please!

Oh doctor of holy medicine,
I am a sick being
full of rotten feeling
still misunderstanding compassion
still giving with miserly ration
still confused at apparent separation
what can I do
I sit and contemplate emptiness
I feel like less and less
I can impress others
I merely offend
with no ability to comprehend
how meaningless it all is
without a pure intention
to worry about such brief condition
when I could be creating
a beautiful future feeling
and care for other instead
please, mend my broken head

Please, mend my broken heart
so that I may finally start
to love, to give happiness
and understand what comes does part
although appearing, no longer relating
to mistaken imputation
and while all expectations break
and friends do talk and fuck and fake
until the joy becomes real
and pain is permanently healed
may my pure virtue be revealed
through blessings be shared
and eventually may I care
only for other, selflessly
give me such pure appearance
so with happiness, I’ll dance
and, just perhaps,
give pure love chance after chance

Categories
Dreams Poetry questions

How can I know?

I considered using a plant metaphor
           but I kill most plants

I don’t know anything about
growing leafy things
  only recent experience in
how to keep something alive

but I imagine a tiny sprout
protruding from the ground

I clearly see this sprout
I look around

                   – no one else notices –

I wonder what kind of plant it’s going to be
                              this little shoot

I start to wish it will become
              a wish-fulfilling tree

I know such trees exist, have existed
               in this world, in other worlds

and though rare, difficult to find,
               I know such saplings exist!

I cannot ask for anyone’s help,
  because even if this plantlet
is to become this rare tree,
no one will identify it correctly —
 it would be discarded! —
           and I just have this really strong
                                   feeling
in my gut
that I have come across the growing sprout
                          of a wish-fulfilling tree!

I’m keen to protect it, and help it grow
       but I’m really really good
at killing all things green –

they don’t need help, it’s cyclical –

    and I really feel like I can’t talk
          about this rare treasure
with anyone I’ve met,
because, let’s be real,
people are, like, really good
at murdering dreams

so I just wish to myself,
              (pray)

         please, please may I have found
         a wish-fulfilling tree
         please, please, help me nurture it
         and please help me not kill it
         I know I’m so so so good at killing
         familiar with the action, as I’ve been
         please, don’t let me become
         attached to the idea of the tree
         that somehow wish-fulfilment will grant me
         happiness – I know it won’t!
         I know it is my virtue – but still!
         Think of all the good I could do,
         granting all those wishes,
         with wisdom of course

I would never abuse my power
          I act with self-lessness

and still, I confess
I do not have even the wisdom to know

what kind of sprout I have found
                            or if I have found
                                 anything at all

for I’m the only one who sees
this plant, so small

perhaps it is just a shadow
of desire that grows in the dirt

How can I know?

Categories
Poetry

Wish for Wisdom

(alternative title: fucking begging for it)

             I want to cry
how is it possible
             once again
to become an emotional wreck
     of titanic proportions
          at least still safely submerged
too sensitive
        so overly sensitive!

Please!
     Take the sensitivity away!

Sensory overload
          at the slightest touch
and now  — my imagination!
                     runs wildly & in wild ways
        away
I’m a wreck
characters swarm my mind
barking at me
to write them down
and I cannot find my pen
where has it gone?
again!?

I cannot be barked at
       any longer!
It doesn’t make me
       any stronger!

I try and try
       to not yearn to hear
words of kind sincerity
       but again,
like salt water to quench my thirst
       a taste and I am thirstier!
       a taste and I need more!

Tell me I’m good
Tell me I’m GOOD
TELL me I’m good
Tell me I’M good
Tell ME I’m good

Am I good?

    and even if you tell me
    it doesn’t matter like it should!

because it’s my mind
that’s not good enough

to see reality clearly
to see past the real lies
deceptive tears, I moan, he cries
and I want him to pay dearly
but it’s that very fucked up mind
that wishes to take from others
in a selfish way,
        to have others pay
                    for my debts owed –

No! No longer!

Although I cannot crucify myself
I can rectify by patiently accepting
while my inner voice still screams
           I wish I was invisible
           unknowable as I must be,
still the outer quiet spoke volumes
and the sound of silence resonates
reverberates off the walls
as darkness consumes
a single lamp put out
a black night falls
           I was not as patient as I could
     be I was not as kind as I would
like others to do unto me

A little dramatic, yes
(I wish I wasn’t so dramatic)
                     but nonetheless
it’s an artist’s reflection I see

                        Carry on

It’s not temporary happiness I crave
but full abandonment
of these unacceptable delusions
and the permanent happiness
resulting from the stainless mind
that realizes emptiness directly

                        Please!

Make my mind good

Categories
Buddhism Good Fortune Poetry

An Offering

In the New Kadampa Tradition, we perform a practice called Offering to the Spiritual Guide on the 10th and 25th day of each month. Typically practitioners meet to recite chanted prayers and bring food and flower offerings to our Spiritual Guide. This verse is my offering.

~~~

Sometimes I feel
          I was built to handle anything
                          limitless potential
                                   powerful, strong

Other times, too sensitive
          to get along
                          difficult to get by
                          or even make do
          I don’t want for much
                    and yet there’s never enough
          and the disappointment’s strong

Am I made up of feeling,
                                     mistaken discrimination?

Why can I never make contact
                   when I try & touch
                              another,     soft   skin
                                                   — lost
                     gone          by the time I’m there

                                 it’s only    air

                    and though it’s space I crave,
                                          it’s a high cost

tears, sorrow
                         yet goodbye to rage
             I’ve freed myself from anger’s cage
                         yet sadness remains here
                                          all the same
                         delusions wrong,
                                                  familiar, strong
             I beg them leave
                                please do not stay!

I see a face
             familiar shape,
                     I know that walk
             I’ve seen that gait
                     I recognize that stride
             he takes his time
                     if he has rhythm,
                                  I have his rhyme
             and false reason
                              keeps us apart —
             though why should we meet
             when every greeting
                          ends the same way
             goodbye, depart until
                           some other day

So though I want to beg & cry
      & sit & pretend I don’t know why
             this pain, though here, won’t stay
           it’s mere causes created
                            now ripened seeds
                   appearing here as suffering
          yearning great as I’ve felt before
                    wishing there was something more
                    while this vision reveals all
          it’s just my mind
                         it’s not out there,
                                       though it’s appearing
                                                       everywhere

I can write it down
                     I can share some words
             & still the truth remains unheard
         for causes we don’t create
                   to sit still    ,     think    ,    concentrate
          on something more virtuous than hate
                    why can’t we learn to meditate
                                       on happiness & love?
                     How is that too hard    (as I’ve heard
                                                                 whiners complain)
                                          & my heart breaks

So sensitive, so still
            so patiently I work,     I wait
       as effortful seeds
                     I do create
                        and generously dedicate
                     for others’ joy
                                          & may hearts heal   
                                   anvil  strong
                                               unbreakable & vajra-like
                                                            until
                                                    Enlightenment.

Categories
Buddhism Poetry

A Wish

I will never convince you
I have abandoned my madness
As long as you are shrouded in yours

You will not, cannot see
past your veil of ignorance
to what I’ve now become

But every day, with purest love
I wish only everlasting peace
and happiness upon you


Categories
Love Letters Poetry Thirsty Thursday

Thirsty Thursdays! | Letter 1

Since Hump Day was a little on the nose, I’ve turned to Thirsty Thursday as the appropriate weekday to share Channeled Love Letters.

These tasty treats range from love poems to stories to love letters to playlists and more! Using intuition, clairvoyance, meditation, and creativity mixed with my own cherishing and affectionate love, I have crafted a mixture of fun, smutty, and heartfelt pieces.

These letters are made of words channeled through me from lost lovers, distant places, notes pressed upon my mental continuum, felt in the world’s energy, experienced directly or made up completely.

If that doesn’t make sense yet, I’m sure it soon will. Today I’ll leave you with something short and sweet.


Subtle Devotion

In quiet moments
My mind calls on you
Astral meditation

I touch your cheek
A muse for your mind
& pray to vain gods
That our karma entwine