needle my heart
thread me with hurt
keep me just alive
feel the cold anger
turn to hot sorrow
as I fight to survive
pull back bitten nails
pin me with pain
and pleasure derive
it’s torturer’s art
to keep us apart
and this love deprive
Tag: unrequited love
could it be worth the pain?
sure it could hurt (does hurt)
but it always can! (and will!)
samsara’s blessing, and its curse!
there’s always suffering
it’s always there
agony & heartache
these endless cares
unfulfilled wishes
we ain’t some dying breed
we’ve been wishing and craving
burning with need
since beginningless time
(that’s time without beginning)
we’ve been lost in self-grasping
our delusions are winning
then enter love, a virtue
not some object of wanting
but a wish for your happiness
not taking, not haunting
like once, a vampire sucked
my energy, my time, my luck
even when I yearned to fuck
he made me feel yuck, yuck, yuck
no more! I just yearn to give
I wish to love, to laugh to live
and even though I know it hurts
I just think it could be worse
so I’m willing to try and bear such pain
I’m even willing to go insane
(okay, never mind…I’m already there)
and I really wish I didn’t care!
but it seems I don’t have a choice
and I have a lot of choices –
normally – a lot of control
not over external matters of course…
but in this dream world,
control over matters of mind
apparently not matters of the heart
but definitely matters when being kind
alright I want to wrap this up
like a Christmas gift, my loving cup
a trophy that I wish to offer
filled with jewels as if a coffer
and yet, I awaken from the dream
to grasp at less than air between
this reality, mind-made, of you, of me
and now give up the fantasy
because it’s never worth the pain
it’s never worth the endless grasping
it’s never worth insanity
or the infinite, familiar clasping
and on this evening drear and gloomy
under clouds all grey and doomy
I curse my love life, I confess to crime
I accept the loss, and I’ll do the time
Categories
Get on with it
(alternative title: How to not do you)
I’ve a laundry list of things to do
not one of them involving you
so, if you please, I’ll be
getting on with my day
While I’d love to sit and stay
and chat until we’re old and gray
I know it just won’t be enough
so I’ll get on without it
Under red oak and blue sky I sit
to meditate and improve my wit
still I know it won’t be enough
so I get on with it
I guess I’ve gotten a bit more fit
and especially if by salt-lamp lit
I think I might be good enough
but I must errands run
Now a silly story my mind has spun
transforming chores from bore to fun
I purify my karma now
so I can move on too
And though there is so much to do
I just can’t stop thinking on you
so how am I supposed to act?
I get on with it
Categories
The Emperor | Letter 4
Dear Gallantry
The shadow
of the unseen
groundedness
ethereal
skittering claws
on laminate floor
MEW and the splash
of milk poured kindly
I walk to
the temple
hands clasped
feet bloodied
by pilgrimage
I have escaped
two cults
& am now
a pilgrim
in an empty room
walls dissolve into
ecstatic space
galaxies permeated
by lantern lights
opened over lightyears
some long extinguished
into the underworld
a pilgrim’s womb
am I electric
circuit open
lips apart & move
toward
am I electric
if sparks would
come between us
should we kiss
am I electric
bad to touch
I know not what
ill thoughts
your mind produces &
can produce
a stained extreme perversion
pressed over truth
If my mind convince me
You’re the One
The mother being in us all
The child, fun
Yet still the warrior
standing tall
If my mind convince me
choose dead end
Plant the seed, Oh
Foe Destroyer
Reap the harvest, Oh
Great Enjoyer
I see the flame
alight in you
Like a moth I’m drawn
Oh please undo
Like a fly in your web,
Thanatos taboo
The mentor, a gem
my teacher, a guide
The sword in the rock,
Eros, my pride
Tears fall in my lap
in the castle alone
I unearthed the mask
to hide
behind the offering
of pearls
A broken heart reveals
I’m not diamond nor stone
As the flame ignites
the animal yields
So I sought you out, Gallantry,
found you on high
along with your mind and your songs
and your thigh
which I’ve touched in my sleep
as I’ve stroked your hair
I’ve touched you in places where
you usually take care
to preserve with resignation
that we should not be caught
staring too long while we’re working
or not, because
we’ve paused for laughter – my
god overall
I can’t help but wonder what
may come after
for you loved Cattle Call, and that
had me in
hysterics, a place I call home
giddy with giggles
and hellbent to roam.
Yet I
simply walk to the village
just over
that bridge, and I walk there
so slowly
Climbing a mountain to get to
the ridge
finding a heart, healed & holy
set apart
loving the self, deep ocean
reminisce – you’ll
do me the pleasure of delivering
this life’s first kiss
though we’ve shared infinite karma
what’s to ripen
right now can delight and amuse
us while we
still develop, unattached, somehow
we’ll figure
it all out. Are you with me?
Gallantry?
xx, The Empress
The Halfwit Writer 