Categories
Good Fortune Poetry

Dare You

There is magic in the world
If you dare to see it
There is happiness in the world
If you dare to feel it
There is hope in the world
If you dare to force it
There is love in the world
If you dare to wish it
There is faith in your heart
If you dare to test it
There is compassion in your heart
If you dare to risk it
There wisdom in your heart
If you dare to mind it
There is joy in the world
If you dare to celebrate it

Merry Christmas 🎄

Categories
Poetry

A note from the caterpillar

The caterpillar is nice to visit
            … in a way

He smokes his pipe
  and blows his opinions
               in your face
     whether or not you’ve asked for it

But how much more you enjoy Alice
    pretty and naive, a human even
    quiet and observant, stupid even

                    (What would it be like?)

The girl and ‘pillar
     both approach the end of a cycle    transitioning, evolving
     but one appears an ugly ascension
     better left ignored
   the other’s gracelessness is hidden
           within, ignored

I am not Alice, a girl

secretive or demanding
wishing for non-blond understanding
I have never been lured
by a white rabbit or a rabbit hole
afternoon naps are not really my thing
and I’m awakening from my daydreams

I am the caterpillar
         before it’s eaten by the bird
never to say a butterfly word or whisper
no kisses, no gratuity, no drinks
only brief passers pausing
for wisdom, absurd
or for entertainment to enlightenment
as I age to a disgraceful degree, resisting
before acknowledging

I’ll never fly

    I’ll never be seen as

                Alice

the caterpillar says goodbye

Categories
Meditation Philosophy Poetry

Impermanence

from happy to sad

                       so quickly

it never lasts

                 it never lasts

                                it never lasts

                                

Categories
Poetry

Remain ordinary?

The earth movers are
moving, rolling, crawling,
pushing and prodding,
chewing and producing,
reforming earth, not new
a spherical cycle
we cannot seem to undo
because there’s no beginning
as if time isn’t true
no start to these effects
no one to lay cause-mic blame with —
              — Is there no first?

If an action is not performed
its result cannot be experienced
yet, we have results upon results
                     that we do not want
or right wishes ripen at wrong times —
  — How did we get so messed up?

Meeting instructions time and again
  only to turn to worldly things instead —

–What for?
     The status? The stress? The money? The dress? The food? The car? All the gold and the stars? The sun and the moon and that catchy tune? This silly girl? That handsome guy? To hunt the deer? To swat the fly? To fuck that guy? To steal that heart? To flaunt your glory? To meet and part? To taste the spoils? To lose at war? To break most promises? To endure and endure?

What for!

Is it everything you wanted to find?
Is it a wonder to know
                      it’s all from your mind?

the pain and the laughter,
       all the dreamlike appearance

the senses and delights
               the agony and fights

we hurt our own feelings
we stab our own backs
we rob our own purses
our own courage lacks

when will we learn
to break a silly curse
we need only three words
   –why do they hurt?

It’s my responsibility

No, not of this time
not of this place
not of this name
and not of this face

But causes created aeons ago
ripen around me, blow by hard blow
some happy, some sad
some angry, some blue
some maddening disasters
some friends I once knew
for so long without wisdom
I watched in horror, despair
             Oh! What can I do?

No better than an earth mover
moving, rolling, crawling,
fulfilling my own wishes,
pushing and prodding,
swallowing and producing,
making new dirt, not new
a spherical cycle
we cannot seem to undo
because there’s no beginning
as if time isn’t true
no start to these causes
that produce these effects
so with patient acceptance
I now practice with perfect intention
with a pure, faithful, trained mind
remembering dreamlike appearance
to see emptiness directly
                   with clear wisdom eyes

Categories
Poetry

Spring Renewal, an endless cycle

I can feel time slowly slipping through my fingers
frictionless to hold a second for a second moment
before falling through the ether into near nothingness
imprinted on continuum
a seed carried life to life
until conditions are right
to ripen the fruit on an unsuspecting self
   — I am sorry

   But how can it be helped?
I cannot squeeze this self into another
instead I chip away at delusions
from the inside out
destroying deluded doubt
and always at play
never a day spent away from refuge
and still I fight a deluge
of intense suffering
always threatening
to drown a silly me
how can it be
at war with three
extract My poisons, please!

Oh doctor of holy medicine,
I am a sick being
full of rotten feeling
still misunderstanding compassion
still giving with miserly ration
still confused at apparent separation
what can I do
I sit and contemplate emptiness
I feel like less and less
I can impress others
I merely offend
with no ability to comprehend
how meaningless it all is
without a pure intention
to worry about such brief condition
when I could be creating
a beautiful future feeling
and care for other instead
please, mend my broken head

Please, mend my broken heart
so that I may finally start
to love, to give happiness
and understand what comes does part
although appearing, no longer relating
to mistaken imputation
and while all expectations break
and friends do talk and fuck and fake
until the joy becomes real
and pain is permanently healed
may my pure virtue be revealed
through blessings be shared
and eventually may I care
only for other, selflessly
give me such pure appearance
so with happiness, I’ll dance
and, just perhaps,
give pure love chance after chance

Categories
Buddhism Good Fortune Meditation Monday Motivation Philosophy

What follows is a lengthy collection of (half) wisdom

In Buddhism, the Peacock is considered an auspicious bird for it thrives on plants and berries that would typically be poisonous to other birds. Just as peacocks live off toxic plants, so can a Buddhist practitioner thrive on adverse events by transforming them with Buddha’s teachings. This has been my practice since Winter of 2016 when I started General Program Meditation Classes with Samudra Kadampa Buddhist Centre.

from “About

Today, as I received my peacock tattoo (created and tattooed by the talented and amazing Ally “Peacock” Sweitzer-Koabel), as a reward for transforming the (somewhat adverse) events of my summer (and beyond), I was able to look back on a particularly “interesting” and transformative (trying not to say “difficult”) time in my last decade and rejoice in the progress I’ve made in taming my previously wild & uncontrolled mind into a calm, happy, loving one.

I even came across this journal entry-cum-quasi-article I started back in 2023 after our Foundation Program (FP) class finished studying the amazing text Meaningful to Behold, a commentary to the great 8th century Buddhist Master Shantideva’s Guide to the Bodhisattva’s Way of Life. What follows is how I applied Dharma before and while studying this text after a particularly difficult break-up, during a particularly challenging time in my life, some time ago now.

This is my personal experience and does not necessarily reflect the experience of other practitioners. This experience was encouraged by understandings I attained by participating in the NKT study programs and attending NKT celebrations and festivals whenever possible. I was able to quickly develop understanding of several basic concepts over my first three years of study and practice in FP (and seven years of meditation practice) to gain the following results.


How I’ve applied the Dharma instructions to change my “reality” 

I loved reading Meaningful to Behold, because it is such a wonderful and practical Guide to living our Modern Lives as aspiring Bodhisattvas. As an aspiring Bodhisattva, one of the first things I did was change my aspiration while remaining natural (which I was fortunate to understand when I met FP class and studied my first Buddhist commentary text, Universal Compassion). 

The approach I took to remaining natural while adding a Bodhichitta motivation was through conventional work – something I had grown to despise. 

By changing my motivation, I was able to use “getting a job” and “going to work” as a vehicle for progressing along the spiritual path. My motivation had changed, and I was still doing something that helped me function “naturally” as a part of normal society.

  1. When looking for a job in 2019 (before starting FP), I wanted to create the conditions for a life where I could access more Dharma and become closer to being a “good” person. I applied for a job as a dishwasher because I thought it would be humbling.
    I needed money (conventionally), so I had to get a job. But I changed my motivation and applied for something of commonly “lower” status and pay than my last several jobs (Event Planner, Volunteer Coordinator, Store Manager, etc) in order to align with my idea of what a Bodhisattva was at the time (compassionate, unattached to reputation, humble). I began to apply many Buddhist fundamentals that I was learning in 2020 before leaving that job in 2021. It was a rewarding, if frustrating, experience. 
  2. When looking for a job in 2021, I was still determined to make this a vehicle for progress on the path. I applied for a job where my neighbour worked. He described it as negative and terrible, and I felt very motivated to alleviate his suffering and the suffering of his coworkers by taking a job there. I began another humbling role, this time with a bit purer motivation (but perhaps greater stupidity ignorance).
  3. Prior to starting this job, I had also been contemplating and striving for fearlessness. This allowed a lot more flexibility in my practice as my aversion to confronting my ordinary fears was significantly weakened already. I was also able to dispel many fears through the practice of contemplating the emptiness of fear. 
  4. My perception of the workplace was that the work was easy and fun, but the people who worked there were making things terrible. There was a lot of crude, sexual joking that would have people instantly fired from my previous workplaces. There was nearly relentless complaining from almost every employee.  Every single issue was someone else’s fault, according to any complainer.
    I was overwhelmed by the negativity and tried to escape the situation almost immediately by searching for another new job.
    Very quickly, I received signs that I was exactly where I was supposed to be (not able to escape to another employer), so I continued my work as an aspiring Bodhisattva. (Although it took me some time to accept this). 
    I had to tackle this situation with many different Dharma tools I had accumulated:
    1. Patient Acceptance: Whatever was arising, I had to first accept it. Whether it was an unpleasant task at work, or the annoying environment at work or any other negative karma arising, too late to “stop”. Using a part of my mind to complain or wish it away was a waste of energy and absolutely no benefit.
    2. Understanding Karma: Whatever negative feelings were arising in actuality had NOTHING to do with how “terrible” my coworkers appeared. Everything I was experiencing was a result of my own previous actions. 
      (Good actions produce good effects. Bad actions produce bad effects.)
    3. Purification: as a result of understanding Karma, I knew I had to continue practicing “purification”, something I was familiar with engaging in while at my last job. It was becoming clear, no matter how many times I quit a job and started a new one, I would continue to experience almost exactly the same obstacles until the actual cause was purified.
      As a result of this understanding, I spent much time performing the four point purification practice, including regretting the negative actions I performed in lifetimes where I was a terrible boss, coach, mentor, absent parent, cruel ruler, betrayer, etc, etc. I knew that I would have to engage in the opponent power, virtuous actions, to oppose these negative actions and also to familiarize my mind with kindness, compassion, love — spontaneous virtue.
      I was also working on purification of finances, as it has become evident how many lifetimes I have spent as a miserly thief. I make special efforts to see the imprints arise (desiring to not pay for something at the store, not wishing to share with others), and I remember the effect that such a mind will produce in the future.
      I then destroy the delusion and make a promise to continue to weaken my familiarity with non virtue, seeing the connection between the imprint and my current dream appearance. 
    4. Effort & Mental Alertness: It has taken much effort to be on guard, disciplined and remain motivated. I have become an expert in self-encouragement and improving my mindfulness. It was clear that relying on external praise as a crutch was not working. I would either not receive it when I desired it. Or I would receive praise, and it would not stimulate the happy feelings I wish would arise. (As praise is never the actual cause of a happy feeling).
      After applying effort to attend every single Dharma class/event/course I was physically capable of attending, much wisdom was revealed about self-encouragement, and early on I was able to motivate myself along the path. This effort is also fueled by successes I continue to have along the path. This effort goes hand in hand with practicing mental alertness, so I am constantly on guard to what is arising in my mind. 
    5. Patience: I had to develop a strong kind of patience working for this employer. At the workplace, two coworkers in particular had a special negative influence on my mind. It took much contemplation and applying of Shantideva’s instructions in order to develop not just patience but absolute appreciation for these coworkers who would do things like be excessively negative, engage in bullying behaviour, act in hypocrisy, perform less work than others, all while willfully engaging in harmful actions. I was eventually able to be happy I received not one, but many Atisha’s Assistants. 
    6. Compassion: Watching these negative coworkers really awakened my compassion. Especially working with a “horrible” teenage boy. Not only would he constantly harass his coworkers, he would also gleefully kill all the insects in the restaurant. When he saw me taking spiders outside to save them, he would film me and send videos to other people we work with, mocking my actions. In even further evil action, he sprayed poison not only on all the spiders inside the restaurant, but also all the ones outside that had webs reachable in any direction. He took a special delight that the killing would also bother me so much.
      But what actually bothered me most was the horrible minds he was developing and becoming familiar with and the absolute horror of his future lives. I felt I had caught such a blatant sight of evil that it was nauseating and I cried with compassion for his future, wishing that all his negativity would ripen upon me right now so he would immediately cease creating these causes. 
    7. Taking and Giving: I would engage in as much taking and giving as I could at work. Especially for those that “bothered me” the most, as I could see their suffering was truly the greatest in this moment. I try to remove all the potential seeds of non virtue in the mental continuums of all sentient beings including my own. (I should specify the people I labeled as “a bother” were strictly those engaging in negative actions of body, speech and mind – not those who annoyed me in petty ways). 
    8. Increasing Bodhichitta: By working with these “negative” people, it became very clear that the only way I could help any living being is by attaining Enlightenment. Although this had been my goal now for a couple years, it is constantly renewed by observing the suffering on a daily basis and wishing all living beings to be free from it, and then following the instructions and actually applying the practice of Dharma in my life. This is a wish I almost only increase when I witness suffering directly.
    9. Releasing attachment to the Eight Worldly Concerns: especially reputation/respect.
      It became very clear that caring what my coworkers thought of me would become a detriment to my practice and my happiness. They were aggressively negative, and therefore their entire perspective was direly deluded. It became obvious they were impossible to please or change through external means (methods outside the mind). If you didn’t help enough or do something fast enough, they would call you terrible. If you did too much, you were also incompetent and terrible! It did not matter. So why was I trying to influence them at all through external methods? I had to apply:
    10. Wisdom realizing the emptiness of phenomena: Since sentient beings are not truly existent, from whom are praise and blame received?  (p. 497 Meaningful to Behold)
      With this specific wisdom, I was able to contemplate the emptiness of the inherent existence I was perceiving at work. In this way, I was able to relieve my suffering of caring what other people think. I made a wish to literally “lose my reputation” in order to truly satisfy this understanding.  It felt like I accomplished this wish in a number of ways, and I endured much hardship, But this hardship was very temporary in comparison to the lasting peace I now feel.
      I often contemplate the story of the Geshe Langri Tangpa who was left with a sick baby by a desperate mother and then perceived of being its father! Certainly, this would have had an effect on his reputation. His only response was virtuous action. I strive to attain that peace and wisdom by letting go of any attachment to reputation. 
    11. Moral DisciplineNot engaging in idle chatter: I observed that a large reason the staff was disgruntled was because of complaining and gossip. I had to make a promise early on in my job that I would not engage in complaining. Truly, my worst weeks were ones where I lost my motivation and got caught up in blaming others and talking about them to my coworkers. I now see the strong influence of anger and ignorance in my actions. Practicing refraining from idle chatter has made it difficult for others to engage in this negativity as well. 
    12. Moral Discipline Refraining from Anger: I realized that every time I was blaming someone for something I was experiencing anger (or its lower forms frustration and agitation). I had many antidotes to apply to this mind – identifying inappropriate attention, applying wisdom, understanding karma, purification, engaging opponent forces of patience, love, compassion, etc. 
    13. Offerings – During my workday, I try to constantly make offerings to my Spiritual Guide, Buddha, all the Buddhas, Bodhisattvas and other Holy Beings, to the Spirits, to all Living Beings. There are many opportunities to do this, especially during food preparation.
      It is very easy to remember to offer up the material offerings, as well as my actions and the virtuous minds motivating the actions. I developed a special routine when “dropping wings” or “saucing & cheesing” where I would bless the food, offer it and offer my service, and dedicate the virtue to benefit all living beings. 
    14. Dedication: I make a wish that all beings will benefit from my virtuous actions – that my cooking food for living beings will be the causes of all living beings to meet good food and hospitable conditions, and that these virtuous actions will be the cause of swift progress along the path, to my enlightenment and the enlightenment of all living beings, etc. etc, (see Shantideva’s extensive dedication).  
    15. Tantra: At the same time as the above practices, I bring the future result into the present so I am a Bodhisattva, I am an enlightened being, and I am helping every single person at work and my customers. I alleviate all their suffering by being a happy presence and sharing my positive karma with them. I know exactly the correct thing to say or do that will bring all living beings closer to enlightenment and further away from the consistent suffering of samsara. I am a happy presence at work that people love to be around, even if they can’t say exactly why. My pure mind of love, joy, and peace is constantly mixed with everyone around me, so there are no problems. Everything that arises is bliss and emptiness. 

As a result of this practice over the last 14 months, my workplace — that I once identified as toxic, unhappy, frustrating, agitating, inappropriate, stressful, difficult, impossible, and miserable — became a happy, smoothly-run, well-staffed, good-cultured, and enjoyable place to work!

There were many physical changes that happened as a result of taking responsibility for my behaviour, changing my motivation, and therefore changing my mind, instead of trying to rearrange external conditions to my benefit without success (again).

As a result of changing my mind, the following changes appeared to me:

  1. The super negative people either quit, were terminated fairly, or family circumstances pulled them away from the job (all peaceably).
  2. We hired several new, happy, (reasonably) well-adjusted and positive staff that took directions well.
  3. A new staff started posting up weekly memes/jokes and brought in a kettle, tea, milk and sugar, mugs to share, enlivening the environment with her kindness.
  4. Stressful things stopped appearing during my shift (for example, we stopped getting orders of four steak subs five minutes before close; we stopped running out of items mid shift; the dough stretcher we relied on worked or only stopped working at a “convenient” time; deliveries ran smoothly – CRAZY!)
  5. Far fewer mistakes made on pizzas/orders in general / Almost no burnt food.
  6. I received several raises and some opportunity for advancement (that I wished for, but never actually asked for out loud).
  7. If ‘stressful’ things did happen, I handled them with a calm and happy mind, and my boss also became more fair, cam and happy in his management, receptive to ideas and feedback.
  8. I had many, what I call, ‘special experiences’ – stretching the exact right amount of pizzas for a service; selecting, in advance, the types of walk-in slices based on what customers asked for that day (disappointing no one!); space/timing of orders coming in perfectly allowing for a great work flow; an awesome randomized shuffle on Spotify that all the staff seem to be enjoying; and too many more experiences to list (or that would be difficult to understand).


In addition to my workplace changing, my life has been consistently wonderful:

  1. I have the opportunity to maintain good physical conditions – walking to work, exercise at work, safe apartment, just enough money to live on (no poor spending habits!).
  2. Meals at work or from friends, family, and always having exactly what I need materially, emotionally and spiritually.
  3. I do not own enough to be stressed or bothered that I may lose what I have.

Other practices I’ve engaged in that have contributed to these positive minds, reformed habits, and virtuous familiarities. These include:

  1. Giving: I imagine giving to all those that need it, all the time. I give material help and resources when I am able. I continuously generate wishes to be able to give limitlessly, especially the Four Givings (material help, Dharma, love and fearlessness) 
  2. Test Myself: I imagine scenarios where I have more resources/power and “watch” what I do – do I help myself first or do I act to help others immediately? Do I only help my friends or do I help strangers? How do I treat my enemies? (Usually I still try and benefit myself first, even in my imagination. This observation helps dispel pride that naturally arises with even minor spiritual accomplishments.)
  3. Seeing all Living Beings as My Kind Mother: this practice became easy for me once I saw glimpsed began to imagine the infinite possibilities in countless previous lives since beginningless time. (Key word: beginningless)
    Since time is beginningless, it stands to reason that all living beings have been our kind mother at some point. Buddha states that all beings have been our mothers many times.
    It is easy for me to then imagine being more kind and helpful to them – especially since I have an extraordinary mother in this lifetime. She is fierce, kind, strong, courageous, compassionate, believes her children capable of anything, encourages us, and would sacrifice anything for us including her self. She is a wonderful example who I love.
    Now, to imagine that all living beings have protected me like she has, have given me such amazing kindness and love… that is truly motivation to help them… or hold patience for them! Even if they are grumpy, moody, tired, harming me, or harming others. They need my help! (Sometimes that means keeping my distance, of course.) But this has been fantastic motivation and opportunity to “see” things differently and in a way that has had a beneficial effect on my mind and relationships with others.
  4. Test the Dharma: the only way to gain any faith and conviction in Dharma instructions is to put them into practice. Simply blindly believing these methodologies work without practice will not benefit a practitioner’s faith or joyful effort.
    We must actually see for ourself if practicing patience indeed makes us happy, reduces our anger. We must see for ourself that being generous to others brings us more happiness than simply benefiting ourselves. We must see the ugliness and harm that arises as a result of angry minds. We must feel the happiness that a peaceful, calm, controlled mind generates even amidst a stressful situation.
    We should be so lucky to meet these instructions and put them to the test!
  5. Reliance & Gratitude – I understand (through personal experience) that the only swift path to happiness is to rely upon Buddha, the supreme conqueror, Dharma, the supreme instructions to attain permanent liberation from suffering, and Sangha, the supreme spiritual friends. In addition, relying upon living beings in order to develop the supreme qualities we aspire to attain:
    Since living beings and enlightened beings are alike
    in that the qualities of a Buddha are in dependence upon them,
    why do we not show the same respect
    to living beings as we do to the Enlightened Beings?

Thank you! How Wonderful!

Categories
Poetry

breaking down

rattle
    thrum
           POP
              smoke

this time
     not to be ignored

life never goes up in flames
just sizzles and fumes
                    unfavorably

ends not with a bang,
     but that goddamned whimper

three hundred thousand miles

(sounds better than five hundred thousand
                           kill –  om (ah hum) –  metres)

                         and you drop dead
(I surmise only one of us wanted
                      that camping trip)

smoke
        siren
      embarrass-
             meant-for-someone-else

smiling ‘I’m sorry’s,
       hoping to get out

(dashed hopes)

    just in case you were still wondering:

you’re here to
            stay put

            (is that an order?)

Categories
Poetry

Unilluminated

having over-assumed wisdom
having been used for others’ own ends

             I am puddled

a fractal coastline
                       after catastrophe

             where should I find fault?

Categories
Buddhism Poetry

Simple Wisdom

In the Unforgetting World, attachment is inevitable
so my simple wisdom is this:

Attachment will rise
and as a wish fulfilled, it will fall

Your mind creates a story
you must see it all

If you see the tall tale clearly
and Dharma you recall,

Just apply a simple virtue
then, with love, enjoy it all

Categories
Buddhism Poetry

The Unforgetting World

We live in the Unforgetting World

Unforgetting

You hear the word
you ask what it means

A man in a dress tells you it means
we never forget our attachments

What’s an attachment, you wonder
as your background in sales leads you to believe
it’s an item you attach to your primary sale
in essence, you should upsell three attachments
with each cell phone (case, cable, warranty)

There are no guarantees,
the man in the robes says
except that you won’t forget
your attachments

You learn:

Attachment is the mind that exaggerates
the positive qualities of an object
(attachment loves ignoring red flags)
attachment spins a deceitful fairy tale:
it claims the object is the source of your happiness

And we believe this tall tale
despite all contradicting evidence
we love to ignore evidence
when it does not corroborate our stories

You walk away

You begin to forget
what the wise man said
almost immediately

You think:

I am forgetting
I must live in the forgetting world
I have forgotten what I ate for breakfast
I have forgotten what I did yesterday
god only knows what I did last month

I only remember things I’ve labelled special
I only remember what I’ve done
in accordance with its repetition

When you ask me who I love,
I say friends and family
because they are familiar, and the answer
is engraved on our hearts over lifetimes, infinite

I have forgotten almost everything about my life
who I was, who I’ve been, the characters I’ve played
and the friends I used to have

All I have is the present
and if I think about what I can remember
at any given moment

it is my attachments

It seems it is the only thing
I can remember

Like some sick joke on our weak human minds
that a mental factor could purport such wicked lies
and how could we not remember that
we’ve fallen into such traps before!?
How can we keep forgetting
we are betrayed forevermore?

Until the cycle, the pattern ends
until disrupted, samsara bends
and finally breaks

You remember the man,
in the dress, in the robes
he gave you a liberating gift
an opportunity to see the truth

By seeing differently and remembering
I am ever unforgetting


The Unforgetting World (podcast)