I want to be with someone who believes anything is possible. 10.11.21
Note 7
I want to be with someone who believes anything is possible. 10.11.21
They say curiosity killed the cat
and satisfaction brought her back
but in samsara’s spoiled waters
I find only ill departers
it’s hardly satisfying
when everyone I love is dying
I see sickness in all migrators
who swim wantonly with alligators
breaking open hearts and seals
contemplating Sinbad’s deal
excusing whorish proffers
while taking what’s not offered
to indulge each selfish desire
to enjoy the heat of temporary fire
turning quickly to ember, burning out
leaving grey ashes of deluded doubt
How can I help all beings
with such ailments of the mind
with intense hedonistic attachment
to each sensory pleasure, illusory yet defined
each one appearing solid, concrete
while in actuality like a dream from mind
produced from empty-like space
contaminated matter is all I find
I must vomit out this poison and
grow virtuous roots, from seeds purified
To help nurture this new garden
of joyful, chaste, and pure delights
to replace increasing darkness
with pure increasing Dharma light
I visualize taking from all migrators,
their poison, like charcoal smoke
the delusions leave their bodies
arising unobstructed from all folk
all suffering, ill intent, all harmful desires
billow like black clouds from raging forest fires
flow, now fly, to my subtle mind, my heart
and are destroyed completely at the inner drop
annihilating my self-cherishing and my self-grasping
now I give pure, boundless love and compassion,
and I too receive this medicinal nectar
all beings enjoy happiness, everlasting
and I become a pure preceptor
I can feel time slowly slipping through my fingers
frictionless to hold a second for a second moment
before falling through the ether into near nothingness
imprinted on continuum
a seed carried life to life
until conditions are right
to ripen the fruit on an unsuspecting self
— I am sorry
But how can it be helped?
I cannot squeeze this self into another
instead I chip away at delusions
from the inside out
destroying deluded doubt
and always at play
never a day spent away from refuge
and still I fight a deluge
of intense suffering
always threatening
to drown a silly me
how can it be
at war with three
extract My poisons, please!
Oh doctor of holy medicine,
I am a sick being
full of rotten feeling
still misunderstanding compassion
still giving with miserly ration
still confused at apparent separation
what can I do
I sit and contemplate emptiness
I feel like less and less
I can impress others
I merely offend
with no ability to comprehend
how meaningless it all is
without a pure intention
to worry about such brief condition
when I could be creating
a beautiful future feeling
and care for other instead
please, mend my broken head
Please, mend my broken heart
so that I may finally start
to love, to give happiness
and understand what comes does part
although appearing, no longer relating
to mistaken imputation
and while all expectations break
and friends do talk and fuck and fake
until the joy becomes real
and pain is permanently healed
may my pure virtue be revealed
through blessings be shared
and eventually may I care
only for other, selflessly
give me such pure appearance
so with happiness, I’ll dance
and, just perhaps,
give pure love chance after chance
I considered using a plant metaphor
but I kill most plants
I don’t know anything about
growing leafy things
only recent experience in
how to keep something alive
but I imagine a tiny sprout
protruding from the ground
I clearly see this sprout
I look around
– no one else notices –
I wonder what kind of plant it’s going to be
this little shoot
I start to wish it will become
a wish-fulfilling tree
I know such trees exist, have existed
in this world, in other worlds
and though rare, difficult to find,
I know such saplings exist!
I cannot ask for anyone’s help,
because even if this plantlet
is to become this rare tree,
no one will identify it correctly —
it would be discarded! —
and I just have this really strong
feeling in my gut
that I have come across the growing sprout
of a wish-fulfilling tree!
I’m keen to protect it, and help it grow
but I’m really really good
at killing all things green –
they don’t need help, it’s cyclical –
and I really feel like I can’t talk
about this rare treasure
with anyone I’ve met,
because, let’s be real,
people are, like, really good
at murdering dreams
so I just wish to myself,
(pray)
please, please may I have found
a wish-fulfilling tree
please, please, help me nurture it
and please help me not kill it
I know I’m so so so good at killing
familiar with the action, as I’ve been
please, don’t let me become
attached to the idea of the tree
that somehow wish-fulfilment will grant me
happiness – I know it won’t!
I know it is my virtue – but still!
Think of all the good I could do,
granting all those wishes,
with wisdom of course
I would never abuse my power
I act with self-lessness
and still, I confess
I do not have even the wisdom to know
what kind of sprout I have found
or if I have found
anything at all
for I’m the only one who sees
this plant, so small
perhaps it is just a shadow
of desire that grows in the dirt
How can I know?
there is a portal
escape route out
no need to scream
no need to shout
is it above us?
or is it below?
it cannot be without
it is within we go
and when we discover
the truth that lies therein
that all is mind, is empty
pure and free of sin
only happiness resides
in our pure, loving core
only a kind, peaceful
consciousness, forevermore
(the question is,
do you want it?)
If waiting is confusion
I must take constant action
always moving, the Tim Kennedy way,
making meaning of each moment
remembering each pain
How else will I wish to escape?
How else will I make effort to change?
A traveler bound for futures lives
knows she does not rest
intention fills each moment,
causes for future effects
Why not make them virtuous,
choosing happiness instead?
We constantly plan our suffering
as if carefully ripening its seed
whatever fruit or thorn befalls us,
we first reach forth to blame
How will we become wiser
while prioritizing our fame?
How will we help others
while wallowing in our shame?
We should make meaning of our life
short and precious and rare
We should grasp this opportunity
instead of yielding to our fear
Will you rise to the occasion?
Enjoy all moments as they pass?
Understanding true causes
I just rejoice and laugh
I want to be
someone who loves you
with no demands
with no expectations
with no history of delusion
I want to be
the pure love always within you
yet still,
I cherish only myself
I want you to see me
I want you to love me
because of this
damned self-grasping
And then I laugh remembering
we is just a dream
I will never convince you
I have abandoned my madness
As long as you are shrouded in yours
You will not, cannot see
past your veil of ignorance
to what I’ve now become
But every day, with purest love
I wish only everlasting peace
and happiness upon you