Tag: writing

Categories
Poetry

I am

I am not
       a shadow of the past

a constant reminder,
       the feeling, sound, the smell,
only a bit kinder
          still capable of perfect hell

how could it be
       an appearance keen
hair a mess and eyes uncanny
       feels like something that should have been

left in yesterday
       so why should it appear
         it couldn’t then stay
             yet the similarity’s now here

I cannot be a shadow

       I am solid, tangible

taste me
       don’t waste me

fated to meet often
         fated to part again

please me
       don’t tease me

fated to laugh together
         fated to get better

keep me
       don’t creep me

fated to fear each other
       fated to love some other?

I cannot be a shadow

       I produce sound, reflect light
I am more than imagination
                                    and yet,

no more than mind
still too kind
fuck that noise!
you have no idea
until the pedestal falls
and it always gets knocked over
amidst the crimson & clover
tracking texts, relentless calls
you have no idea
distrust that poise
I mean, no one’s that kind

I cannot be a shadow

except of a doubt
to ponder and wonder
what’s she about
of course, lacking solid evidence
the conclusion is drawn
at least a vestige
at times a reflection pool, drink
but rarely so calm, that image manifests least
marshmallow fluff, and not serious stuff
ephemeral, that’s for sure
immaterial and yet a painted city girl
because it’s a capitalist material world
she is a shade, phantomed, reduced
for that is what our minds will do:
                   concoct and reduce

and so
              I am
though mostly
              I am not
while this grasping persists
                           truth resists
and my reality is rot
        mind-made, illusion-caught
please stop!
            and see
                    the light in me
    though with delusions fraught
            and sad!
how sorrowful and absent glad!

the shocks are shot
       stability knocked out
as if by a naga-induced wave
  such a close shave!
        moments of despair
        threatening to take a life away
        only through blessings can one remain
        believe it or not
please stop!
            and try to see
this element of humanity
made of five elements, impure
air, water, space, earth and fire

try me
       don’t buy me

fated to come home
       yet still fated to roam

kiss me
       don’t miss me

fated to touch hearts
       fated to loathe parts

adore me
       don’t ignore me

fated to be shaken
       please let us awaken

I am not a shadow of the past

perhaps I am an apparition of the future
       if I were anything at all

but what am I?

moment by moment
       who am I?

if I am anyone at all

Categories
Love Letters Poetry Thirsty Thursday

Past Life Vision | Letter 11

Dear Past Life Connection,

Don’t get stuck in your head
don’t think
            I’d be better off instead…
don’t let the demons get to you
don’t think it’s better if it’s new

I know it doesn’t seem so right
when things get hard & a little tight
but I think good’s worth a little fight
after this dark comes a lot of light
                           (I promise)

All that I could wish for you
is a cease of suffering, aches, and flu
this love, the wish for happiness so true
and the desire for such joy to remain
with fearlessness, absent any pain
and a healthy, happy, stable mind
a loving heart and neighbours kind

Don’t despair, my humble friend
for we’re at beginning, not the end
do not worry, do not hasten
it’s only our drive, our pulses racing

Let’s enjoy the lust, the draw, the pull
let’s unfasten our will, glass half full
of wisdom, we wish, we want to escape
this prison, ordinary existence, red tape

Somewhere between sex and fear
this passion lies
yet we’re too courageous
so we thrive
against all odds, mistakenly alone
staring reluctantly at our phones
aghast, embarrassed
a hint of cowardice
               — shit

Don’t get stuck in your head
we’re better off instead
to enjoy this dance of life
embracing opportunity with strife

I know it doesn’t seem so right
that it should be left to you
but in the interest of tradition
I encourage thou come through

Don’t despair, my falling friend
it’s just the beginning, follow the thread
roll the dice, don’t flip the car
please remember who you really are

It’s worth it
                 (I promise)

Love,
a distant past lover

Categories
Poetry

lack of need

as in neurochemical warfare
this lack of need arises
I broadcast completeness
even as you redial your radius

do my cells respond differently
on this higher plane of functioning?
am I intimidating in this energy?
here, let me mix my mind with thee

let my coherent electromagnetic field
press through yours, transform the rooms
of your psychic home as I enter, invited
though I lack the vampirism you once desired

I do not fill voids, nor create them
I am expansion, a field of possibility
a humble being, deferential
do I operate in abundance?
                              yes! I do
do I create your potential?
                              no! you do

have I stepped into my power?
ever saying yes, ever saying no,
ever acknowledging limitless maybe sos,
feel my field around you grow
let it draw you in, ebb, flow
why resist?
           it is not your neediness
this attraction, enchanting pull
it’s purpose and purposeful
in this quantum entanglement,
                          there is always
fresh opportunity for plentitude
independent growth
                creation of abundance
with virtuous oath
        see this force of nature and rejoice!
rise to your own highest potential!

no one is responsible for me but me
there is no one for whom I lust or need
a statue of such purity
in body, mind, and speech is she
there is no one to save inside of me
don’t say that would threaten thee
for only strength could be my key

and please do not pretend to be
an interference pattern
to escape the thought of me
     and rocket off to Saturn
I do not plan to chase or run
for that is never any fun

I have no need for satisfaction
of temporary yearnings
I find kindness, love, and patience
offer far greater learnings

and yet!
     of course if proffered
it certainly would have me hot
                      not bothered

you want results?
just create causes
that’s what I do!
I show them the receipts
but keep my plans secret too

opt for resilience
growth and independence
never in childishness
    except in play, harming none!
       so plan to endure my completeness
                             and come undone!

our mission is not to fill holes or voids
       or other tedious contract work
but rather the happiness and joy
                        of sexy contact perks

mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

never clingy, helpless nor hungry
never confusing love and greed
and still if you were simply wondering
I’m definitely a different breed
ever wishing to be free

and still not freed
from this lack of need

Categories
Dreams Music Playlist Poetry

Please Don’t | A Playlist Poem

Please Don’t Make Me Worse
A Poem in 50 Songs

Runtime: 3h 8min

It won’t be long now
before you make me worse
we work
                 with young blood
helicopter hearts
                         too close
dancing tango del fuego
                       imagining …
when your heart stops beating
you watch my booty swing
 which has you thinking nasty things
like  Voy a tocarte toa’

and to me?
       you’re just a dream
                 one I contemplate all night
es un secreto que no lo dire
                          with a brimful of asha
I yield to this moment of surrender
                  awake, you’re a daydream
    & I admit it’s been a long time
since I’ve felt a higher devotion
   since I’ve felt sunshine on my skin
since I’ve been ready to fall
right here, right now
           everything changed

Not sure if I’ve got a fever
             or if I’ve got a man on my mind
but surely love is the drug
                                to make me feel fine
not black coffee and cigarettes
      now is not the time to hasten death

I always knew
              how to get it faster
in this state of flux
                        but in the end
              grandpa’s groove
like Cobrastyle
    is the bad touch

If you’ve ever wondered
       how to be a heartbreaker like me
don’t bother –
                                 the halo I wear
is just a dream
              I’m sunny and sweet,
                                       a candy girl
round like the moon
               lonely too, so please,
                     my darling be home soon

Don’t let me be your bad habit
                        (or make you worse)

gun to my head
                          I admit I’m overkill
    wondering if you’ll survive a wolf like me
with dread, let’s dance to joy division
            when all my heroes are tired, I say
I wanna dance with somebody like you instead

Categories
Poetry Thirsty Thursday

Thirsty Thursday | Spent

   it’s early still & even though
         I woke up not too long ago

I am spent

         sometimes

you gotta turn the crank
        before you leave (early work)
so you don’t bathroom yank
              like some horny pervert jerk

         not me!

I am spent

so now I go to refill my wallet
   now on empty, whatever you call it
hours worked for few cents
   cuz’ soon I’ll have to pay the rent
still grateful for the place I live
   still grateful for opportunity to give
even though it came to this
    little morning routine grift
it’s only day’s beginning
    my arm’s tired, face is grinning

and I am spent

Categories
Buddhism Dreams Poetry

cursed & okay

could it be worth the pain?
sure it could hurt (does hurt)
but it always can! (and will!)
samsara’s blessing, and its curse!

there’s always suffering
it’s always there
agony & heartache
these endless cares

unfulfilled wishes
we ain’t some dying breed
we’ve been wishing and craving
burning with need

since beginningless time
(that’s time without beginning)
we’ve been lost in self-grasping
our delusions are winning

then enter love, a virtue
not some object of wanting
but a wish for your happiness
not taking, not haunting

like once, a vampire sucked
my energy, my time, my luck
even when I yearned to fuck
he made me feel yuck, yuck, yuck

no more! I just yearn to give
I wish to love, to laugh to live
and even though I know it hurts
I just think it could be worse

so I’m willing to try and bear such pain
I’m even willing to go insane
(okay, never mind…I’m already there)
and I really wish I didn’t care!

but it seems I don’t have a choice
and I have a lot of choices –
normally – a lot of control
not over external matters of course…

but in this dream world,
control over matters of mind
apparently not matters of the heart
but definitely matters when being kind

alright I want to wrap this up
like a Christmas gift, my loving cup
a trophy that I wish to offer
filled with jewels as if a coffer

and yet, I awaken from the dream
to grasp at less than air between
this reality, mind-made, of you, of me
and now give up the fantasy

because it’s never worth the pain
it’s never worth the endless grasping
it’s never worth insanity
or the infinite, familiar clasping

and on this evening drear and gloomy
under clouds all grey and doomy
I curse my love life, I confess to crime
I accept the loss, and I’ll do the time

Categories
Poetry Video

Coming Back Together

Once upon a time
I had another life
I had another job
I was to be a wife
and when the whole damn world
thought to come crashing down
I put on my big girl pants
and turned up my music loud
so this other life dissolved
and that job did disappear
the man was just a con
so I faced the loneliness I feared
what a gift that was
because it led me to this place
where the feeling is familiar
though I’ve met a different face
I thought I’d lost the rhythm
I thought I’d lost the rhyme
but I’ve found the dance again
will you help me keep the time?
I just can’t fight this feeling
I just don’t have the will
you stirred the past in me
and ignited the music’s thrill
and though the past’s behind
and the future’s quite unclear
one thing is for certain
I’m letting go of this damn fear

I recorded the poem Come Together (2021) – check it out on Youtube now, or revisit the original post to read along.

Categories
Dreams Poetry

Feels Like Summer (poem)

It’s funny now to think
of all the things that bothered me
of all the pain and suffering
of all the time, temporary
of all the boredom and writing
                     (there was a lot of it)

of all the clouds that passed me by
of all the insults I let fly
of each and every teenage guy
that harassed me – pretty damn good
                    I gotta say

of all the humdrum slow sales days
of all the ones who got away
of all the patrons that did play
of all the couples, straight and gay
                    (had to use the rhyme)

of all the goddamn wasted time
of all the lemons and no lime
all of the coke, the hash, the crime
of getting the nickel not the dime
of all the puke, and dye and slime
of all the nights I spent awake
of all the pictures I did take
of all the muffins I did bake
of all the calmness I did fake
all for the goodness’ sake!

It’s funny now to think
that all that suffering
had its purpose and its place
carried me through this time and space
with a name I tried to lose, but stayed
with an identity that just won’t fade
with a childlike quality that wants to play
believing summer starts in May
wearing bare feet in the stream
ever remembering the dream
       (I’d never lose the Buddhist theme)

for while it helps me to escape
it helps me to survive
it helps me to help others
it helps me to be kind
it helps me be of service
it helps me to be strong
it helps me to be happy
it helps me to get along
it helps me every when
it helps me every where
it helps me every how
it helps to simply care

and certainly, when we met
It was my summer reappeared
all the pain and suffering
all the heartache, all the tears
all the happiness, the joy
all the hope and possibility
all the sunshine and noise
all the soft tranquility
all the disappointment
all the vanity
all the goddamn fears
all the animosity
all the craving and the yearn
all the cash I couldn’t earn
all the parties and the crash
all the littered trash
how did these memories appear
      dependent upon you?
how did all my hopes and dreams
      dissolve in summer’s blue?

NEW!
Listen to the poem on Youtube

Categories
Dreams Poetry

Needs to be Nothing

I need this to be nothing
I need this nothing now
I don’t need this to be anything
It doesn’t make sense anyhow

I need there to be silence
But I want there to be song
I need to not crave violence
But I want to scream along

I need this to be nothing
I need this feeling gone
I need this craving disappear
I know I’m always wrong

I thought to just ignore it
But it just won’t go away
I thought I could just kill it
But it thinks it can just stay

I need this to be nothing
Last time I will repeat
My heart will not survive
Another daring feat

I’m contemplating moving
I think I’ll up and flee
I’ll quit my job and join the force
And think of more than me —

But then I think it’s more than nothing
And get starting to believe
My heart might just survive this
— oh how I’m so naive!

So I need this to be nothing
So I can just move on
If only a new crush was found easily
I could make the feeling gone

NEW!
Listen to the poem on Youtube

Categories
Dreams Poetry Thirsty Thursday

Dream Poem 4 

Recently, I had a thirsty dream
     starring James Donald Forbes McCann
(let me tell you,
                  – it was nothing you could plan)

In this dream I complimented him
    then surprisingly he me
              (as in my poetry!)

Then, lo! I touched his arm
    then surprisingly he mine
    and beamingly he chimed:
It’s amazing, human touch,
          for connection 😉

James! You’re married!
                         I replied

And then I woke up,
        thirstier than before
  for another man

Sorry, for using you,
           James Donald Forbes McCann

Praying always for the success
              of your catamaran plan! Ho!