From where does the sorrow come? 10.22.21
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Question 9
Tag: buddhist
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grateful lament
I cannot complain when I know the cause
I cannot point finger as I’m to blame
there’s no why me with the reasons clear
beyond this time and place and name
I’ve been a stupid man countless times over
I’ve been a dumb boy, many times round
I’ve appeared the greater sex and his enjoyments
now I suffer for all his fun found
Now I’m cursed with monthly lashings
poisoned body and mind, inside and out
miserable in cycles uncontrollable
happy with confidence, then mean and full of doubt
Yet to my male lives I am indebted
for I still stand here, blessed and rare
female and peaceful, lacking will to war
while unattached for others I care
Though I live in pain’s dull embrace
thanks to the men in mirrors faced
Bernhard, Kafka, Thoreau, all others
they laid the plans, now I’ll escape
Having met Dharma in this lifetime
is my pure and saving grace
with faith and steadfastness I practice
to make some meaning of this place
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Wishfulfilling Jewel
The light bursts in
no longer through cracks
nor broken halves,
nor through torn seams
I am not split apart
nor wrenched open
I am not a fractured heart
nor a container for shattered dreams
This lightness spreads outward
and cleaves between subtle thoughts
mere names, perverse, obscene
erased in emptiness supreme
this clear illumination beams into
and through and out and from within
from under and around and beyond
a profundity incomprehensible
to all minds but the purified subtle mind
now obscured, but I am sensible
so I ride these blessed feelings
as a stable mount –
temporarily lucky for having found
such conditions and pure instructions
both needed to walk on spiritual ground
The path is paved with golden words
that have prevented me from going astray
I shall not stay another day
where life’s absurd –
although it might not appear that way –
I am mixed entirely with this clear light
no body, no conceptions
just a relaxed subtle mind
loving, compassionate, universally so abundant with a wealth
most do not know
and when I cry, my tears are gold
for with wisdom, before I’m old
great compassion arises, and with love unfolds
with bodhichitta, I am fearless, bold
I can’t explode at the seams
I am seamless, spacious, bright
I am vast, clear, light and airy
I would not take you in a fight
I yield victory to my opponents
being happy over right
Do not be blinded
nor be frightened
I am bursting, radiant, true
with bodhichitta motivation
I appear to sit and suffer with you
join me in meditation
I’ll touch you with my mind
we’ll both gain understanding
and leave this damned world behind
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Question 6
What are you reaching for when there’s nothing to grasp? 10.09.21
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Question 5
How can I enjoy today? 04.06.21
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Antidote
I do not want vacations
I do not want jewels
I don’t mind bouquets of flowers
but someone must take them out
when they begin to rot and stink
and I am busy spending ink
I don’t want riches
I don’t want gold
I don’t mind pearls
but that’s because they’re a symbol of purity
– at least that’s what I’m told
I don’t want to hoard for when I’m old
I don’t want too much trouble
I’ll just take enough
to prepare me, make me stronger
for when things inevitably get tough
I don’t want to be a mark
I don’t want to be a thief
I don’t want to receive more
than my share of beef
I don’t want my own car
I don’t want my own house
I don’t want to own pets
or really anything else!
It may sound a little lazy
it may even sound lame
but I’ll take a peaceful life
unburdened by such wanton things
It’s all really perverse –
this cruel misunderstanding
of how reality exists
manically apart and magnetically banding
I do not want the wool
pulled over my eyes
I do not want to ignore
the suffering, the cries
I wish to be free from it all
and collect only the treasure of Dharma
for there is no practice too small
and all experiences are karma
I do not want vacations
I do not want jewels
I desire no relationship
I no longer suffer fools
with all my mind in refuge
every moment, every day
it’s incredible how quickly
the three poisons fade away
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loathsome whispers
the voices whisper
people loathe you
the voices snicker
alone alone alone
a false chant
separate separate separate
a real deluded rant
awful awful awful
in four-four time, or sometimes three
you can’t count anymore!
I used to play the violin
and you can’t read anymore!
the voices tell half-truths
and you believe us!
the voices are half-believed, half-won already
you’ve lost, give up
a nasty thought, a remorseful tale
we are the guards!
I’d rather be the hammer than the nail
your mind’s in jail!
I’d plan escape, but where to run
we’re just beginning our fun!
for the mind will follow, as shadows after the sun
stop with the rhymes, already!
the voices whisper
people loathe you
the voices snicker
alone alone alone
a false chant
separate separate separate
a real deluded rant
fearful fearful fearful
with the ability to abandon
no no no!
I expel the poison, the voices
so long good bye adieu
and freedom pursue
footnote: if you’re going through hell, keep going
footnote 2: to love, to cherish, to be patient, to be kind, to be virtuous, to remember all is mind, this will get you through
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Reliance
I am happy
despite circumstances
I am strong
despite my gloom
I am calm
despite storm
I am fearless
despite impending doom
I am giving
despite my poverty
I am glad
despite my lack
I am friendly
despite loneliness
I progress
despite setback
I give with bodhichitta
I give fearlessness and love
I give Dharma and materials
I offer sun and moon above
I offer each and every moment
of pure practice, I transform
I abandon all delusions
and only virtue I perform
But how could I achieve this?
certainly not alone
only through my Spiritual Guide,
and the Three Jewels upon his throne
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cramped in the tub
I am in the tub
I am dissatisfied
this tub has taken me nowhere
I’ve been round this way before
it ended with suffering
slit wrists in the clawfoot
or just the bath water ran cold
It ended with suffering
and I wanted escape
from the tub
*
I can’t out-damn-spot my misery
I can’t wash away the pain
purification doesn’t exactly work that way —
unless we carefully imagine it does (in four steps)
but who has the mindfulness for that?
not I, as I search for meaning in this worthless pleasure
careful not to throw out the baby with the bath water
I transform this all-too-addictive
suffering through wisdom, and will
tuck this teaching
into the continuum as I tuck myself
into bed
careful not to slip as I stand and step
out of the tub
Dear Karmic Potential,
Are we meeting again?
Have we met before?
Your appearance undoes me
but when I search
I cannot find me at all
nor can I find you
It’s like you’re in a different city
— certainly not here
and yet your closeness lingers
as though you are still near
Suddenly I am all the days
you choose to ignore
and I am the grasping
and I am the craving once more
Still, I cannot but hope you
also feel my presence
maybe yearn for my embrace
begging time be brief ‘tween now
and next you’ll see my face
I pray it be this lifetime
I pray delusion-free
Yet if I have to wait another ten
rounds to serve with you, I will
Love wishes only happiness
so that is all I wish for you
I know it’s all wrong
if ever samsara feels right
but this I am certain of, also,
we can, we will escape
Why not tonight?
Love,
A past and future partner in (escaping) crime
The Halfwit Writer 