… how to reconcile
if I feel great suffering
I have caused such suffering
and continue to do it still
… now I must cease
turning the wheel of sharp weapons
and turn the wheel of Dharma instead
… how strange
to have obliged such ignorance
with each delusional teardrop
… how strange
to feel the harm I cause
and still I do not stop
I am hurting
deeply wounded
to my core
only this time –
it’s not personal
it’s nothing I’ve done or haven’t done
at least not recently
it’s not who I am, rather
it’s who I’ve been
it’s not what I didn’t do
it’s what I’ve done countless times over
self-cherished, ignorant
born into imprints, big boots to fill
innocently believing in myself
not as an enlightened being
but merely inherently existent
(betraying myself)
harmfully, forever non truth
making up our non reality
collectively
O, to escape a cage that has no bars!
Where’s one run? Where’s one go?
we dance and shake and make do
and then – handed instructions,
mapped, a perfect escape route
tested, tried, and true
a happy result, always
I would dare – but alone?
why will no one come with me?
will no one come with me?
Here and now, I finally know
A result, born from
Past cause – a virtuous one – and
Present causes making future effects
Yes, this is the source of my
Happiness!
I wait for peace, but it does not come.
I throw myself into old enjoyments,
searching for happiness, but finding none
I am desperate, not a wise guy
so I’m never comprehending why
ever turning a blind eye to the truth
a truth delivered directly to my hands
and firmly ignored, as I close and lock
freedom’s door, I choose confusion
did I choose my slavery?
and now I wonder how the children cry
why me?
The Halfwit Writer