Tag: poem

Categories
Music Poetry Video

Hit Me | V7

can’t stand
this life on repeat
can’t stand
when past lives meet
can’t stand
a repetitive motion
or this god-forsaken devotion
I can hardly stand so little
that I can barely brag
how I roll with these hard punches
every moment, each goddamn day
yet I can’t really complain
for my path is so pure
I can only rejoice
and slight suffering endure
still if I could
I’d give just one last stand
for a night – or a moment –
of holding your hand
because I
can’t stand
this life on repeat
can’t stand
when past lives meet
& these silly lives just can’t remember
all prior moments tender
and choose to accept defeat
can’t stand
this should be me

Music: “I Turn My Camera On” by Rock Kills Kid
Video & Editing: K. Samways

Categories
Dreams Poetry

Needs to be Nothing

I need this to be nothing
I need this nothing now
I don’t need this to be anything
It doesn’t make sense anyhow

I need there to be silence
But I want there to be song
I need to not crave violence
But I want to scream along

I need this to be nothing
I need this feeling gone
I need this craving disappear
I know I’m always wrong

I thought to just ignore it
But it just won’t go away
I thought I could just kill it
But it thinks it can just stay

I need this to be nothing
Last time I will repeat
My heart will not survive
Another daring feat

I’m contemplating moving
I think I’ll up and flee
I’ll quit my job and join the force
And think of more than me —

But then I think it’s more than nothing
And get starting to believe
My heart might just survive this
— oh how I’m so naive!

So I need this to be nothing
So I can just move on
If only a new crush was found easily
I could make the feeling gone

NEW!
Listen to the poem on Youtube

Categories
Poetry

Another Bloody Craving (ABC)

(alternative title: The ABCs of Growing Up)

Thirst coming in clutch
comes on too strong
the energy’s too much
lasts far too long
                 yet never’s enough

I once yearned
for a spot of light
until I learned
some like to fight
                 such fortune earned

I bent backward
I yielded growth
I bent forward
I broke my oath,
                 agony endured

Fabricated not firm
appearance dreamlike
so in dream pain squirm
in fog we hike
                 confused we burn

One time, way back
I felt this way
so out of whack
the sky was gray
                 her love was lack

Now this heart resists
cracked and dejected
while slow time persists
this heart again rejected
                 knowing the risks

I don’t plan to push
of course, I’ll pray
I don’t plan to rush
as hasty visions fade away
                 you’ll catch me blush

At last to end on happy note
may my mind be clear
may my face emote
may I hold all beings dear
                 and refuge close
                 and may I be free

Categories
Music Poetry Video

Affliction | V6

you say, winter is coming
I say, it’s already here
you see I yearn to fight
I see you learned to fear

we both are afflicted
we both are afraid
we both wish to flee
so all delusions we obey

incurable and debilitating
until, a cure IS found
release the attachment
or crash to the ground

you say, winter is here
I say, it’s already passing
you see I yearn to love
yet it’s pain I’m amassing

we both fight affliction
we both shall be set free
we both feel the spark
but just you hold the key

Categories
Dreams Poetry Thirsty Thursday

Dream Poem 4 

Recently, I had a thirsty dream
     starring James Donald Forbes McCann
(let me tell you,
                  – it was nothing you could plan)

In this dream I complimented him
    then surprisingly he me
              (as in my poetry!)

Then, lo! I touched his arm
    then surprisingly he mine
    and beamingly he chimed:
It’s amazing, human touch,
          for connection 😉

James! You’re married!
                         I replied

And then I woke up,
        thirstier than before
  for another man

Sorry, for using you,
           James Donald Forbes McCann

Praying always for the success
              of your catamaran plan! Ho!

Categories
Poetry

Wish for Wisdom

(alternative title: fucking begging for it)

             I want to cry
how is it possible
             once again
to become an emotional wreck
     of titanic proportions
          at least still safely submerged
too sensitive
        so overly sensitive!

Please!
     Take the sensitivity away!

Sensory overload
          at the slightest touch
and now  — my imagination!
                     runs wildly & in wild ways
        away
I’m a wreck
characters swarm my mind
barking at me
to write them down
and I cannot find my pen
where has it gone?
again!?

I cannot be barked at
       any longer!
It doesn’t make me
       any stronger!

I try and try
       to not yearn to hear
words of kind sincerity
       but again,
like salt water to quench my thirst
       a taste and I am thirstier!
       a taste and I need more!

Tell me I’m good
Tell me I’m GOOD
TELL me I’m good
Tell me I’M good
Tell ME I’m good

Am I good?

    and even if you tell me
    it doesn’t matter like it should!

because it’s my mind
that’s not good enough

to see reality clearly
to see past the real lies
deceptive tears, I moan, he cries
and I want him to pay dearly
but it’s that very fucked up mind
that wishes to take from others
in a selfish way,
        to have others pay
                    for my debts owed –

No! No longer!

Although I cannot crucify myself
I can rectify by patiently accepting
while my inner voice still screams
           I wish I was invisible
           unknowable as I must be,
still the outer quiet spoke volumes
and the sound of silence resonates
reverberates off the walls
as darkness consumes
a single lamp put out
a black night falls
           I was not as patient as I could
     be I was not as kind as I would
like others to do unto me

A little dramatic, yes
(I wish I wasn’t so dramatic)
                     but nonetheless
it’s an artist’s reflection I see

                        Carry on

It’s not temporary happiness I crave
but full abandonment
of these unacceptable delusions
and the permanent happiness
resulting from the stainless mind
that realizes emptiness directly

                        Please!

Make my mind good

Categories
Dreams Poetry

On Being a Writer (this time)

I have entered the dream world
          it is dark
                  madness ensues
      I’ve come unglued
monsters lurk and
      a peculiar quirk
has taken hold of me
      reality      not what it seems

I have entered the dream state
           it passes over my waking eyes
a film, betraying a wild guise
      a darkness taking over me
absent     absent is the light
      in a nightmare world
full of haunting fright
         how could it feel so right!

I have entered the dream
  I see its walls surrounding me
seemingly limitless,
      yet I cannot run further
than my limitations
      in a meat puppet state
I cannot wait any longer
      to start becoming stronger
I must lucid make
            my dull dreaming mind
I cannot afford to become unkind
                             — not now! —
and forget …

I must remember the dream
             has taken hold of me
it’s pulled me in and under
and threatens to rip asunder
                        all that I’ve worked for
all that my continuum has worked for
                  to lose all I have and more
           futures of past work
            I cannot be the jerk
that throws it all away
and yet,
            I cannot be the one to stay

I must wake up!

Still, I have been pulled under
         I have metamorphosed as a cicada
to scratch my way to the surface,
      crawling above ground
            to birth such sound
and to shed such skin and skeleton
     like the selfless king
               abandons his crown!
while in samsara’s sea they drown
                                          no more

I must wake up!

In the dream world
     imagination is the creator
of all sights and sounds
   and smells and feels and fears
      and tastes and don’t forget
         the touches you don’t get
      — your mind creates those too
in the dream world
     the artist thrives or dies
depending on will and disposition
          — or is it now our despotism?
for it is time I must remind        
                                                   (who?)
      it’s  pure       imagination
         —    creepy factories aside    —

I have entered the dream world
     and so I say goodbye
to the ordinary people I once knew
   to the human race in which I grew
      to the good friends, in numbers few,
oh how when I write, I will miss you!
      but only a solo journey ensues
(the synonym is madness)
      for it’s certainly not entirely lonely
with all those characters arguing in there

          CAN YOU SHUT THE HELL UP
                   FOR JUST A SECOND
           SO I CAN PRETEND
                   TO BE NORMAL?

  Nope.

         Not fair.

This familiarity is based on
     past impressions
          with no guarantee of
     future impressions
           (& little return on investment)

            you think I’d shift gears

Alas! like so many lifetimes
       before me
                      I write
   I enter the dream state
                      I strive
   I will realize my mind
                      this time,
   with a qualified Spiritual Guide.

Categories
Poetry

Get on with it

(alternative title: How to not do you)

I’ve a laundry list of things to do
not one of them involving you
so, if you please, I’ll be
              getting on with my day

While I’d love to sit and stay
and chat until we’re old and gray
I know it just won’t be enough
              so I’ll get on without it

Under red oak and blue sky I sit
to meditate and improve my wit
still I know it won’t be enough
              so I get on with it

I guess I’ve gotten a bit more fit
and especially if by salt-lamp lit
I think I might be good enough
              but I must errands run

Now a silly story my mind has spun
transforming chores from bore to fun
I purify my karma now
              so I can move on too

And though there is so much to do
I just can’t stop thinking on you
so how am I supposed to act?
              I get on with it

Categories
Dreams Poetry

Mere Imputation

The space in here
       it is not clear
though she says
       it’s clarity

My mind is fog
       for this is wrong
though she says
       it’s sanity

I hear a siren’s call
       – or a fire alarm?
as she sings
       it’s raining men

If she’s a storm
       I wish to be her wind
though she says
       such wish is sin

If I fall in
       I know I’m fucked
though she jokes
       you’re just a crook

It’s just a test
       as she laughs at me
now she says
       suffering need not be

If happiness is mind
       I generate it from within
now she sings
       the world is yours to win

Oh! Elusive happy mind!
       on what do you depend?
now she jokes
       it’s in your head!

The space in here
       it is not clear
though she says
       it’s clarity

My mind is fog
       for this is wrong
now she begs
       oh just kiss me!

Categories
Dreams Poetry

Giving Thanks to a Past-life Brother

Am I a menace?
A mara? A demon?
Will no one tell me?
Will they simply write a book about me
                 after I die?
Or will I be blasted into forgetful oblivion, purposefully?
What delight did I lack, will I lack,
                 force others to abandon
with my mara-induced delusions?
                  (autism, they call it now)
refusing responsibility – still!
     a demon to this day
     poor quality on display
Brother Fabjan, rescue me 🙏
please don’t make a mockery
     of my life’s work, of my plays
     of my dreadful mimicry,
the plagiarism of youth
in poor taste – ah! I know!
But despondency after death
     is a hell realm, and – alas! –
I was merely reborn human
again – ah! But not to torment you
still! A demon you say!
                  Oh brother Peter Fabjan!
                  You could not rescue me!
So this lifetime, I turn instead
to a Spiritual Guide,
Buddha Shakyamuni’s continuum,
and, in constant manifestation,
                  his teachers!
I am grateful, finally,
to shed this shadow of karma
which reeks of dreadful delusion,
     this familial mockery, betrayal
      – no doubt I returned or would return in kind –
finally, I get to cleanse such evil minds!
Alas! I am grateful!
Thank you, my brother