If I cannot have pleasure
free from all pain
while enjoying samsara’s treasure
I must be addicted to pleasure
and addicted to suffering
in absolute equal measure
Categories
f*cked | Session 19
Tag: suffering
Categories
Warped Regression
I am wretched
spastic in time
visions zoom and swoop
I am not alleviated of guilt
I am a burden of my own burdening
Knocked to the hard ground
concrete bloodied
pieces of knuckles, jaws
scattered about
detritus of a coming war
spastic in time
visions sink, exhaled
a finale, last breath
I am not alleviated of guilt
I will not profess my own burdening
Seamless lips, faulted
refusing to admit witness
slammed with responsibility
reaping, weeping, false confession
but a word, treason, is not spoken
and the clouds do not lift
visions sink, heavy, inhaled
as poison, saddled, trained
a whistle blows, heard for miles
you know it’s gone —
a train of burden
You ought to have seen this coming
hisses a Voice outta dark
whispers like old wheels
grinding to a halt on a rusted track
(obligation bearing back)
And if I did?
words evaporated, arisen from
a vibrating box,
moved by mind
And remain ignorantly attached?
But why!
— surprise in the Voice
silence
Addiction to the merry-go-round
of burden,
the colours, the depths of pain
the highs of lows
the energy, vibrating
words, vibrating
endowed with mind-meaning
and mind-made-up
The Voice can see what
lack of service lacks
and stops. shocked —
disappears, abandoning
Please! I laugh
Please! I laugh
and laugh
All the conditions
all the instructions
all the sorrows
the pains
the long introductions
you should know suffering
and develop intention
You have all the conditions
all the instructions
all the pleasures
such joys
you should know these are temporary
called changing suffering
and seek the wisdom realizing
emptiness instead
Categories
Feels good, man (but for how long)
I shall call it
changing suffering
forevermore
for that is what it is
Every twinkle little star
every snowflake near and far
sparkling against sky or ground
morning dewdrops all around
I once considered beautiful gifts
wondrous signs too commonly missed
But, no – I now see
(not for the first time)
fool’s gold
not easily offered back
a meaningless pocket weight,
(now I must buy a belt)
How can I contend with such suffering?
In temporary pleasures and joys,
effortlessly, we’re robbed
even if of mere time
inescapable imputation
immovable mountain
sickness, aging, death
I cannot evade you
so why am I running?
Why do I not surrender?
The terrifying jaws of death
protected only by an inner circle,
a very subtle layer
(Let’s unblock the chakras
before it’s too late)
(I hope it’s not too late)
You know, the story of the ring was this
emptiness, bliss
there all along,
delusion appearing great,
feels too strong
yet empty empty
all along
(Of what?)
(Empty of what?)
That’s the question,
the non-existent rub
(still yearning for the out)
So just existing in this tub
Trading suffering
Not for the first nor last time
does such (dis)satisfaction
(edit upon the moment, day)
depend upon my mind
and never these infernal conditions
manifest by mind
It’s my mind
changing suffering, such!
nature of samsara’s temporary kind
So will be relief
when clarity appears to replace
this muddled mess –
direct realization: emptiness
with pure intention
and, please, before death!
Categories
Tired, but waking up
I’m tired of being blamed for the
inadequacies of others
reflected back at them
glaring
omissions come to light
you hate it, yes,
but it’s your mind’s appearance
though you cannot concede,
conceive
such truth
let the mirror show
I am tired
and so not accountable
for you
for me,
I take full responsibility
though I depend
completely
upon the kindness of all beings
for every little thing
for my actions – wait
— ha-ha, I see!
now just what they have
done to me
I, too, have reflections
staring back
challenging
to acknowledge, purify
and why not rejoice
while at it
lucky tired me
I am my own mirror
clearly,
I see.
If waiting is confusion
I must take constant action
always moving, the Tim Kennedy way,
making meaning of each moment
remembering each pain
How else will I wish to escape?
How else will I make effort to change?
A traveler bound for futures lives
knows she does not rest
intention fills each moment,
causes for future effects
Why not make them virtuous,
choosing happiness instead?
We constantly plan our suffering
as if carefully ripening its seed
whatever fruit or thorn befalls us,
we first reach forth to blame
How will we become wiser
while prioritizing our fame?
How will we help others
while wallowing in our shame?
We should make meaning of our life
short and precious and rare
We should grasp this opportunity
instead of yielding to our fear
Will you rise to the occasion?
Enjoy all moments as they pass?
Understanding true causes
I just rejoice and laugh
smart mouth, ignorant mind
quick to speak, quick to die
life too brief, running out of time
creating causes to ever find
endless suffering
why me?
fast talk, soft skin
feel without, see within
fast decisions, a life of sin
feel samsara hook you in
with attachment
why not me?
as I seek the highest highs
I learn the lowest lows
then suddenly sink lower
than I’d ever thought I’d go
the lower realms
not again
yet always I’m forgetting
the causes of my pain
making all escape attempts
nothing but in vain
putting me to shame
again
the blue of Mount Meru
reflects into our sky
all the flesh and bones
of all my lives gone by
exceed its mass
and still, again,
I try
Why do I feel so sad
to release my suffering?
I know its source! And still!
I cling like stickseed
burred burdens born
impossible to remove
without wisdom realizing
the true nature of all things
impermanent
not existing inherently
so what does that mean
when I cling so
to this suffering
inborn familiarity
infinite lifetimes old
makes 21 day habits
impossibly young
and still, we must
abide by these present
physical laws in order
to attain the higher
understandings and escape
of ultimate Enlightenment
for the benefit of
all living beings
the only way to make
any meaning of my
present suffering
Categories
The Deserter’s Confession
To desert – to leave someone, especially lacking
Desert – a dry place barren or lacking of water, and therefore life, typically characterized by sand or rocky substrate
Have I deserted others? I have been repenting for abandonment – all while running from those in need, in this very life.
I have grown attached to comfortable conditions and yet things are changing. Although I know the years bear varied fruits, I still expect a consistency inconsistent with samsara, and now I am frustrated and my wishes are unfulfilled!
What can I possibly do to bear the burdens and great sufferings of this life but go for refuge to the Three Jewels – the only glimmer of gold available to protect my mind until I reach full Enlightenment. I will always be vulnerable to the illusion-like elements, believing them to be inherently existent and external to my mind! Ha! A joke and a lie grasped at by a self-cherishing, ignorant mind.
Please, Buddha! Ripen a Dharma Jewel in my mind that I may no longer abide in such senseless suffering knowing that I create causes, I purify negativity, I grow merit in abundance, especially by remaining ever mindful and alert to the delusions that arise continuously in my mind, nonstop, as I breathe. To fight against this endless deluge, a magnificent current, is only possible through blessings (a miracle indeed)!
Praise to Buddha, the neverending source of happiness guiding all my steps, so that I may always keep a happy mind and so I might attain Enlightenment for the benefit of all living beings! How wonderful I have this precious opportunity. I will not take it for granted and I will not waste time wishing things would be easier or faster. What benefit is that to me when my primary goal is to end samsara permanently? I will be patient. I will wait quietly. I will not seek revenge. I will take responsibility for my negative karma. I will act as a Bodhisattva, now, in the present, even as I’m becoming one. I will bring the future result into the present which is simply happiness – for whatever arises is bliss and emptiness and we’ll wake up laughing, seeing it was here all along.
And after all, how far off can we really be?
All we have to do is give up grasping at this dream.
I will desert the dream.
I renounce samsara.
But I will not abandon living beings. I will come back to help all others. For my goal is not, nor ever, solitary peace.
No matter how much I think I may enjoy the quiet.
I will not live in the desert.
Categories
Curious Delusion
Am I curious again?
Let me stay in the stage of discovering
Don’t let it end
Happiest I am dancing through the maze
Don’t let it end
I’m content being lost as long as I’m left here
Don’t let it end
In Samsara’s pleasure garden, no one wishes for
the end of the line
I’m satisfied to discover new suffering
Don’t let it end
The Halfwit Writer 