If you yourself are free from self concern, you will find it much easier to perform virtuous actions such as caring for others.
From Geshe-la’s texts and the perspective of karma, consider first the disadvantages of cherishing oneself alone.
Then consider the many advantages of cherishing others – including creating a future life free from terrible suffering and one in which you are receiving good care when “you” need it.
Remember, it is NOT selfish for you to do something to relieve your FUTURE suffering. You have a hundred selfs every moment. The self in the future tomorrow and the self in ten years are completely different selfs than the ones being experienced now.
Even still, we say “my self” as though there is one, consistently the same, and never-ending, changeless self. We believe that there is a solid personality that defines who “I am” in any given moment. People see a “me” when they look at me.
While we maintain identification with this unchanging “self”, “me”, or “I”, in the same unmindful breath we are striving to change, become better, or alter our circumstances.
That necessarily demands change. A changeable self! Many selfs. A new one each moment.
How can we hold such contradicting views and expect good progress? Yes, We are going one step forward, but always backward at the same time. At best, we are standing still. Then what proof do we have that we have performed any effort at all? Where lies our virtue? Our happiness?
We must start seeing the hypocrisy in our own mind, and simply call it out. We should get used to talking to ourself in a world that seems to forbid peaceful moments. We can reflect when we have a moment:
“It’s not selfish to do something that will improve my happiness tomorrow. In fact, it is much more virtuous to do that instead of giving myself some kind of instant gratification now. If I feel any pleasure at all from immediately satisfying my desires, it wears off right away. It is far more satisfying to work towards a happier self tomorrow than to waste this moment on mindless indulgence.
By changing my ways, I am training my mind and benefiting not only my future selfs but all living beings.
How wonderful.”
If you are able to release, even a little, at grasping that there is only one changeless self, “you” (“me”) then you can bless the minds of your future selfs. You can do something to benefit yourself tomorrow, and start practicing the easiest way to be selfless: taking care of the future “you” you think you see every day.
Although this is just a beginner practice, the goal is to get your mind accustomed to doing two things:
1) stop seeing your “self” (“me”) as a constant, unchanging thing
2) be selfless with yourself then others
You can acknowledge it is not selfish to enjoy something that you worked for, or waited for patiently, or performed virtue to receive. In fact, the only way we experience enjoyments is by performing virtuous actions which are the actual cause and catalyst for happiness. Delaying gratification is a supremely important practice in a time when we demand gratification be instant. It reminds us that the true causes of my happiness are my previous actions of virtue such as giving to others, caring for others when they were ill, teaching others how to be happy, rejoicing… It reminds us that there is still a space between the good deeds we perform and the rewards we receive – and we will definitely receive the effects.
Since we may only encounter a few beings a day, even if we work in a busy environment or include all the insects we pass by, we can take advantage of the time we already spend cherishing ourselfs by changing the object of our cherishing (me, right now) to a different object (ex. me, tomorrow). We are with our selfs all day long! It is important that we start thinking, “How can I benefit myself tomorrow?” “How can I make myself happier next week?” INSTEAD OF “How can I satisfy my craving/hunger/thirst/desire right now?”
We should seek to help others, and put them first whenever we encounter other living beings. Eventually we will abandon the deceptive “me,” altogether. But until we become high level Great Scope practitioners, during the time we are not with others, we can do things to benefit our future selfs like planning meals for the week, getting difficult items off our to-do lists to prevent stress arising, seeking out challenges that help us grow (learning a new skill, exercising), and, of course, meditating!
Although we all wish to be free from self-grasping, we must acknowledge we have it until we attain a direct realization of emptiness – and purify all the imprints of ignorance. Until then, we will grasp. So why not use it to our advantage and travel this path swiftly while at the same time destroy its power to harm us while we train our minds to become invincible?
When is the last time you celebrated doing the “right” thing even when it was difficult? We should experience this challenge daily if we wish to become stronger people. If we wish to become Spiritual Warriors.
Don’t forget to celebrate your spiritual victories. That’s what introspection, journaling and sangha (spiritual friends) are for!
May your path be blessed.
The Halfwit Writer 